Bella Swan: The June Cleaver Experience
by taylorishotterthanrob
Summary: "We are sending you in under cover." I balked at him and he smiled.  "Oh you won't be alone honey, you Mrs. Cullen, will be going in as the wife of a mister Edward Masen."  AH, OOC, lemons. Frequent Updates, Now Complete
1. Chapter 1

**This is a collaboration story with Klutz2014 go check out her stories!**

**Standard disclaimer applies**

**Leave your thoughts!**

_**BPOV**_

_**Chapter 1**_

Starbucks.

Three in the motherfucking morning.

When was the last time I was awake at three in the morning? Never. Why in the hell would I be awake at three in the _fucking_ morning?

Who decided Starbucks shouldn't be open at three in the morning? Why should the Starbucks baristas get to sleep in when I can't? I spend my fucking day saving their asses and they can't even supply me my cup o' Joe? Whatever, next time one of them are in danger and in need of _my _assistance I'll tell them I don't open for another three and a half hours.

Fuck this. The double doors of the Portland Police Department swung open and greeted me with the face of my smiling head detective.

"Ah Bella, you-" His words were cut off by my glare, but of course he continued, because he is just _that_ big of a jackass. "-look chipper this morning."

"What? I get up at three in the morning and you can't even give me a hello?" I snapped.

"Hey calm yourself; you're the one that wanted an assignment."

"You're the one who so desperately wants my foot up their ass. Don't tell me what to do."

"It's my job though, sweetums."

"Sleep with one eye open because I swear to you, if you messed up my sleep pattern, I will be using your balls as my nightlight." I snatched his coffee cup out of his hand and chugged the remains.

"Seriously Bella? Do you want this case or not because you're working on my nerves."

"Emmett here's the deal, if you _don't_ give me the case, Mom will have to come down and identify your body."

"What? Now you talkin' about my Mama?" He looked thoroughly put out; I put my hand in his face and walked away.

Jackass.

"Why am I here so early?"

"We need you to start almost immediately. And you just look so beautiful in the mo-"His sentence stopped with a fist to the chest accompanied by the hefty sigh I let out.

"Just tell me what this is about."

"Leah and Jacob Clearwater-Black, they are the target of Victoria Hunter's husband." Ah, the late Victoria Hunter the single most famous serial killer of our generation. Forty three people were murdered at her hands.

"Her husband?" He nodded and slid a folder into my hands.

"She, as you must have heard, was killed once she was caught killing one of her kidnapped victims three years ago. The officer that shot and killed her? Jacob Clearwater-Black."

"So he's out to what? Get revenge?" Another nod on Emmett's part. "Where do I fit into this?" Emmett had kept me stationed in the office for the longest, his attempt at 'keeping his little sisters ass intact' as he had so eloquently put it. And now he's involving me with a stalking case, which could become dangerous at the drop of a hat?

"We are sending you in under cover." I balked at him and he smiled.

"Oh you won't be alone honey, you Mrs. Cullen, will be going in as the wife of a mister Edward Masen."

"Nope." Shut that shit down.

"The only way you'll be getting this case is if you go in as a married woman."

"I'm too young for marriage."

"Twenty eight isn't that young."

"What if he's a douche?"

"What if he is?"

"Unless you have a pot of coffee behind your back, don't fuck with me." It was way too early.

"Well look the only way you're getting this case is if you marry him, douche or not." He handed me a file, With _Edward Anthony Masen_ written across the front of it, inside information, that it was way too early for me to read. A wedding certificate, a picture of my future home, the deed and a full biography on my future husband.

"_And_" Emmett got on one knee and pulled a ring from his shirt pocket. I kicked the shit out of him.

"I'm done with this, get back to the case." I muttered snatching the ring from his hand and tossing it onto the wooden table.

He smirked as he passed me two more folders, one containing a picture of a lovely Native American woman, the other of a very handsome Native American male.

"They are a married couple and your neighbors until the case is settled."

"So what? I'm supposed to act like June Cleaver, with a complete stranger, and babysit my neighbors?"

"Look you have been on my ass about getting a case for you and now your bitching about the case you got? You know there were plenty of other people the chiefs considered and I begged to put you on this case, because I know been way to over protective, and I thought you would be really excited and thankful," he took back all of the folders that he had given me and the ring that sat on the table "but I guess not. I'll tell the chief we can assign this one to someone else." He started to put everything into his work bag.

"Emmett, look I'm sorry, it's early and you're putting a lot on me right now, and it's early…" I stood from my seat and walked around the table wrapping Emmett up in a hug.

"When does all of this start?"

"Twelve o'clock today."

**Keep in mind that this is three in the morning; Bella won't always be so crass :) But it's three in the fucking morning haha. Should we continue? **

**Leave your thoughts **


	2. Chapter 2

…**JCE…**

**BPOV**

**Chapter 2**

"So go home pack and be back here at ten, you will have plenty of time to get to know your new family on your way to Forks." I nodded, I held back a sigh. When I was younger my mom and dad found out very quickly that I didn't like to work with others. I was one of those people who only like to count on myself and get things done my way, so having a new guy as my partner, and my husband was going to be tough task on its own.

He pulled the files back out of his briefcase and placed them into my awaiting arms. My feet dragged along the ground on my way to my car, if it were possible I think I had gotten even more tired during my meeting with Emmett.

4:30. Still no Starbucks.

Once I made it back to my studio apartment I collapsed into bed, my entire body enveloped in tiredness.

8:00.

"Fuck it. I'm late." I wiped the dried saliva off the side of my face; I quickly put a bunch of my clothes, various pictures, books and toiletries into different boxes and bags. I piled all of my packed things next to the door. I quickly hopped into the shower, washed my body and hair and got out and slipped on the wet floor and twisted my ankle a little. I didn't bother dwelling on it too much, until my ankle started to get a little swollen, so on my way out I took a roll of dressing and a small bag of ice.

I dragged all of my belonging out to my car and headed to the station.

9:53. I pulled up to the police station at. In the boardroom, checking my watch every thirty seconds, I waited anxiously for my 'new family'. At ten o'clock exactly Emmett barged in the room with a little girl around the age of six at his side and chatting his ear off.

"Your seat madam," Emmett pulled out a chair and the girl curtsied at him before giggling and hopping up into the tall chair her dress swishing as she moved and kicked her dangling feet.

Emmett looked at me then my elevated leg and the ice wrapped around my ankle "What happened, fall up the steps again," he grinned, my expression stayed somewhat dour.

"Hi, my names Elizabeth!" She giggled; her green eyes alight with happiness. She stuck her hand out and waved at me before saying, "You're really pretty!"

Aw, shucks.

I blushed, "Thanks, my names B-" I was cut off by Emmett.

"Mommy," He cut in. I quickly adjusted to my new character.

"Is that, really necessary?" a tall, sexy, fury filled green eyed; man spoke as he walked in. He had a built, but thin structure all throughout his body; well as far as I could tell. He seemed to be frustrated with the situation we were going to have to have. The fact that and older brother has to lie to his little sister can't be an easy thing. I could understand why he would be a little upset, but the last thing I need is to have a pessimistic, "Debby Downer". I didn't sign up for this either, I mean I did but not to have a fake marriage.

"Hey Elizabeth how about you go with Emmett into waiting room, I have to have a little talk with your… mom," he grimaced as he said 'Mom.' I curled a lip up at him.

Jackass.

Emmett led Elizabeth into the other room and it was just me and Edward alone. I opened my mouth hoping to introduce myself or tell him that I'm sorry we are being put in the awkward position, but he obviously had a lot to say.

"Look, Becca I am here to get in and get out," "in and out" he sounded like so low life players at the club or something. "I usually wouldn't bring Ellie- Elizabeth along with me but since I had to so you're going to have to deal."

I scowled at him but he continued like the pompous jackass I just knew he was going to be. "As for the whole marriage thing, I really don't think it is necessary but whatever the chief says goes. As for me, I like to move fast pace so I would like for you to keep up with what I am doing," he handed me folder "here is some research on James and where he now, I can give you the back ground story later, since you probably didn't bother to prepare for this case at all, it looks like you were too busy trying to see how swollen one foot can get." He pointed at my leg and let out a disappointed "tsk".

"Basically what I am trying to say is try to keep up, but don't get in my way and this can run very smoothly."

What. The. Hell.

I let out a quick gust of air in disbelief at what he just told me.

"Edward, is it?" he nodded "First of all I don't like you, so this case isn't going to be the time of my life either, and second I usually work alone so this whole marriage thing, isn't going to work out so well me."

"Ha, you barely know me."

"You know what? I'm sorry, I changed my mind. I do like you I shouldn't have passed judgment so soon. I had nothing to go on- wait yeah… I do. Your jackass-esque spiel you just made." He rolled his eyes.

"Another thing I will not have some imported new guy come in and try to take control of me like I'm some wild beast, you are not the only one that like to move fast pace, but I also like to make sure that the people that I have on my case are well taken care, I don't do anything halfheartedly. I don't slow down for any of my partners, so if you can keep up please do so, and if you want to make this run real smoothly, only talk to me when necessary, I don't need anyone or anything distracting me. My ankle is fine by the way," I picked up the folder and handed it back to him. I grabbed my jacket and bag and headed towards the door "By the way it looks like I'm not the only one who did do their research; my name is Bella, not Becca and hello to you too." I exited out the room into the waiting area where Emmett and Elizabeth were reading a child's book. He looked up at me "We should get going."

Emmett came up to me while behind, Elizabeth ran up to Edward "So, you and Agent Masen?"

I looked at him with a grimace "We're getting a divorce."

"What happened not bitching about the case?"

"Well first I never agreed to that and secondly, he is the definition of douche bag," I whispered so that Edward or his daughter wouldn't hear, mostly so that Elizabeth couldn't hear me. He could go fuck himself.

"Well you're going to have to deal with this; everyone is counting you and Agent Masen. He's one of the best and we need him,"

"He made that very clear, he's the best and he knows it," I smiled to myself.

"Bella, seriously don't screw this up."

We were escorted to the big escalade in the back parking lot. There were guys loading our things in the back and Edward and Elizabeth were just coming out the back doors, hand in hand.

"Emmett don't worry, as George Lopez would say, I got this!"

10:18. On the way to Forks, middle of nowhere Washington. Pompous jerk plus woman with no Starbucks multiplied by a little six year old girl and a revenge craving serial killers widow equals an interesting case.

….JCE…


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody, thanks to .gotes, Celtickiltluver, ADADancer, Twifan1986, wackynicolecsu, ClancyJane, You're reviews are **_**not **_**taken lightly. They mean so much to klutz and I, when we see reviews in my inbox it makes me shake like a Chihuahua, and hold my breath until I turn blue and klutz is excited as well but she doesn't have time to go into panic mode since she has to rescue me from my own :P Yeah they mean the world to us :D Keep them coming ladies!**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies.**

…JCE…

Ever been in a car with a person you really don't like for hours on end? No? Lucky you. Fuck me if this isn't the most awkward thing in the world.

"Mommy, how wong will it be until we get therw?" Elizabeth asked from the backseat. I looked over at Edward, his jaw tight and fists clenched over the steering wheel as he focused on the road.

"About three hours, Honey." I replied twisting in my seat to look at her. She had ice cream from our earlier stop smeared on her face; I reached back and rubbed it off her cheek. When I was righted in my seat I noticed that Edward was about to break the steering wheel.

"If you don't relax about all of this then you are going to blow our cover." I laid my hand over his on the wheel, his hand relaxed under my own.

"We aren't under cover yet."

"Really, Edward? Is all of this supposed to just snap into place once we get there?" He heaved a sigh. "If this is going to work you will have to cooperate."

"Yeah, Daddy." Elizabeth chimed from the backseat.

"At least two of us have some sense right, pumpkin?" She grinned showing of her missing tooth.

"Wite!" She giggled and bounced in her car seat.

Starbucks Next Exit.

"Take the next exit."

"What? We can't take any detours, Bella. We have to meet the movers at two."

"Come on a stop at Starbucks won't kill us, take the exit."

"For Starbucks? I'm sure you can wait until we get there."

"I didn't ask you if I could wait I said take the next exit."

"Don't be difficult."

"I'm not." I glared daggers at the side of his head and he countered my glare with one of his own. "Elizabeth, you want a cookie?"

"YAY _COOKIE_!" She screamed, Edward flinched and I sat back.

"Next exit?" His head bobbed up and down as he scowled at the road.

Check mate.

"Mommy wanna' sing wif me?"

Eh….

"Ellie Daddy has a head ache, honey." Saved by the Douche.

"When can I have a cookie, Mommy?"

This kid would not stop talking.

"Soon."

"How wong now?"

"Two hours and fifty seven minutes, Elizabeth."

"I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep."

"I don't like naps."

"Then stay awake."

"Okay… Can I have my cookie now?"

"Ellie? Really?"

"Mommy?"

"What?"

"I thought we were playing a name game. Daddy!"

"Yes Elizabeth?"

"Your it!"

"What?"

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Did you lie about my cookie?"

"No."

"Then why don't I have it?"

Dear god.

"I haven't gotten it yet."

"When will you get it?"

"When we get to Starbucks."

"How long till we get there?"

"A few minutes."

"How many minutes?"

"A few."

"Give me numbews."

"Shh, Elizabeth."

"But Mommy…"

"What?"

"I'm tired you gotta keep me 'wake."

"I think it's best if you go to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep."

"Elizabeth…"

"Will you sing to me?"

"Lullaby and goodnight-" I croaked

"Please… don't. Ever." Edward pitched in.

"Well then you sing to her!" Edward pushed a CD into the stereo and music filtered through the speakers.

"Not this! Daddy! I want the Fresh Beat band Songs… Chang-" I looked at her in the rearview mirror, she was knocked out cold. Edward pulled up to Starbucks and I sighed, my head falling against the headrest. Edward glanced over at me and chuckled.

"And I'm the one that has to keep up with you? How do you expect to get this case done quickly if you can't handle a five year old?" I rolled my eyes.

After placing our orders we started back towards the expressway. Then after circling around the same area four times I spoke up.

"Are we lost?" He shook his head and bit his lip.

"Of course not." As he bit his lip his jaw flexed and I almost melted into my seat. He really was gorgeous. I would consider myself lucky to be his wife if he weren't such a dick.

And if we were actually married.

We circled around one more, "Hey stop here, ask that lady for directions."

"I don't need directions we are fine…" I rolled down the window, he was too confident to ask for directions, not me.

"Excuse me, How do you-" The car sped up and the woman was out of sight.

"Really? Was that necessary?" I yelled, he gave me a sideways look, his lips pulling into a grin. "Agh dick."

"I told you I didn't need directions."

"I hate you."

"That wasn't in our vows."

"We never said any vows."

"That's not what our marriage certificate says." My head thumped against the headrest in exasperation.

"Well it should've been. While were on it, our marriage certificate didn't say 'I will promise to act like a jerk every day as long as we both shall live'."

"It didn't say 'I vow to complain and sing badly through sickness and through health' either, but you accomplished that."

"I thought I told you not to talk to me if it wasn't necessary?"

"Well _dear_ you actually talked to me first."

"I don't recall that."

"Well I do, but whatever. We need to talk about our new neighbors. Would you get out the file and find out what they like."

I took out the file and started to read the bullet points out loud.

"Jacob Clearwater-Black, he likes to fish and repair cars, and bake," Edward wrinkled his nose.

"What about Leah?"

"She volunteers a local animal shelters," I could do that, "she bakes and shops…"… Not so much.

"Ah! I told you I knew where it was!" He exclaimed, pointing to the newly discovered highway.

"Yeah! And it only took you about an hour! Good job." I rolled my eyes and continued to study the folder. "They don't know that we're protecting them…" I realized.

"Yeah, that would be why we're pretending to be married." He smirked. I tipped my head back against the seat and listened to the soft tones of the piano as I drifted off to sleep.

…JCE…

"Mommy? Mommy…" A small voice broke through my sleeping state. "Mommy! WE'RWE HEWE!" Cold hands pressed up against my cheeks I opened my eyes and was greeted by two bright green ones less than two inches in front of my face. Ellie shook my head from side to side roughly, "Wake up!" She sang.

"My eyes are open." I grumbled, she giggled and squeezed my cheeks. "Wait why are you up here?"

"We awe hewe! At the Houwse. Come on…" She crawled out of my lap and carefully exited the car. I sighed and looked to my side, no Edward.

"Bella!" I looked around and saw Edward standing with Leah Clearwater-Black. Ellie ran up to him and he swung her up into his arms smiling brilliantly. I don't think he had actually smiled the entire time I was with him. He was beautiful.

"Honey, come meet Leah, our neighbor." I turned and hopped out of the car, before falling back into the open door.

Fuck. My ankle. I couldn't even walk.

Leah's smile dropped as she rushed towards me, Edward gave me an exasperated look and followed after her.

I smiled at Leah and tried to drag my body back into the high seat, "Ah f-flip." Edward helped me get back into the passenger seat, before sitting on the ground in front of my chair and taking my foot into his lap and inspecting my ankle.

"Still swollen, you need to be more careful, sweetheart." He murmured, gently touching the swollen flesh. I nodded at him before addressing Leah.

"Hi, I'm Bella Cullen." I said sticking out my hand; she shook it gently as if my hand was going to fall off.

"Hey Bella, my names Leah, I live next door to you all."

"Nice to meet you," She beamed at me.

"Likewise. I wish Jake was home to meet you all, he's my husband. You guys are going to love Forks! It is the perfect place to raise little ones."

"I've heard that, yeah we really didn't want Ellie growing up in the city so we figured this was the best place-" Edward squeezed my ankle and shook his head.

"Oh you all lived in the city? Edward said you came from another small town." She cocked her head to the side.

"Oh we did… I was just saying you know we wouldn't _consider_ living in the city," Edwards grip hadn't let up and I pushed my hand into his hair pulling it tighly, but discreetly, at the roots, "Baby let up just a little will you?" I asked sweetly.

"Of course," He smiled but if looks could kill I would have been a goner. I slid my hand out lf his unnaturally soft hair.

"Your little girl is just precious," My what?

"Thanks, she really is a blessing." Edward replied smiling at the little girl skipping around in our yard.

Leah nodded and turned towards her as well, which made her stop skipping and stare right back at us.

"What?" I chuckled and shook my head as she ran towards us. "Mommy, where's my cookie?"

"Mommy's talking right now, pumpkin." Edward stood up and gently placed my ankle on the floor, before taking Ellie's hand and walking her into the house.

"You have an absolutely beautiful family." Leah complimented, I smiled thanking her.

"Yeah,"

"Ellie looks just like you."

The fuck?

"Thanks?" She nodded, looking up at the house Edward and Ellie had just entered. It was the first time I had actually looked closely at the house. It was a one story, cream Victorian Farmhouse, with steep roofs and white trim. It was absolutely gorgeous. In front of the house was a spacious green lawn, and from the drive way I could see that the back yard was just as spacious as the front yard if not bigger, and had a large play set placed close to the house. It was my dream home, in a nut shell.

"Leah I would invite you in but I am pretty sure there isn't a single thing inside of that house." She laughed, I made to step out of the car and she put out her hands.

"Do you want me to call Edward?" I shook my head and inched out of the car, landing gently on my feet. My ankle screamed but I tried to ignore it as I limped away from the car, slamming the door shut.

I hissed as I hobbled up the walkway, Edward appeared in the doorway and jogged down the walkway taking Leah's place as my crutch, before swinging me into his arms.

"Edward, really? Put me down." Despite my words I latched onto his neck, hoping he wouldn't drop me.

"No," I buried my face into his neck. I hated being carried. It wasn't as bad with him, but it still fucking sucked.

"Oh! Me next! Me next, Daddy!" Leah opened the door for us and Edward carried me into the living room and set me on the couch. Once I was safely on a stable item, I opened my eyes and looked around, the house was even more beautiful on the inside. It was decorated in turquoise, greens and browns.

And furnished.

"There's stuff in here." Edward gave me another exasperated look but bit his tongue.

"Yeah you slept well through all of the moving in." Leah said softly.

"I did." Edward shrugged and Ellie came skipping in.

"Mommy! My room is pink! I Love it!" She yelled and jumped into my lap.

"That's great!" I looked up to see Leah stand.

"Alright I'm going to take off and let you all get settled in."

"It was nice meeting you!" I said, she nodded and Edward escorted her to the door.

Once he returned, Edward sat next to me on the couch.

"Thanks for the carrying and whatnot." He shrugged.

"There are two bedrooms." He muttered.

"Oh…kay?"

"You're not getting this are you?" I continued to give him a clueless stare "there are _two_ rooms, if Elizabeth gets her own room…" He was met with a blank stare I'm sure, " that means there is only _one_ left."

"Oh, hell no. No, no, no."

"Well it's not like I picked this house, look I'll take the recliner and you can have the bed."

"Okay."

"I should probably get everything together; do you need anything for your ankle?"

"Uh... I don't think so I'm fine." He nodded and started out of the living room. "Edward, sorry about my reaction to the whole bedroom situation."

"Don't worry about it. I think it would be better that way."

He left the room and I was left thinking about what it would be like lying next to him and how warm he felt while he carried me inside, the way I could hear his heartbeat. The way he smelled like Old Spice.

The rest of the day I watched Edward and Elizabeth move in out of door and up and down hallways. I kept asking if I could help with anything but Edward wanted me to rest. We had Chinese takeout just because everything in our kitchen wasn't set-up. We ate in the living room so that I wouldn't have to move. By the time it was time for bed, my ass was numb. Edward took Elizabeth upstairs and got her ready for bed. I go tired of sitting down all day so I figured not to wait for Edward to assist me up the stairs. I carefully got up and walked down the hallway searching for my room. I passed Elizabeth's room where Edward was tucking her in.

"Daddy, today was fun even if I didn't get my cookie," he smiled at her.

"Well, I'm glad that you had fun. You like your room?" she nodded. "Do you have your lava lamp?"

"It's in the box over there, I was afwaid I was going to drop it," Edward got up from her bedside and disappeared of my sight to the corner of the room. He came back and put the bright pink lamp on her bedside table and turned it on.

"There, now you won't have any monsters coming after you."

"Cause they hate lava lamps," she proclaimed. He nodded in agreement.

"That's right. I love you, Ellie."

"I love you too." I kept walking so I wouldn't be caught outside the door like a creep. I heard them exchange good nights, so I sped up my limping a little bit. "You going somewhere?" I turned around.

"I just got tired of sitting, so I thought I would just walk myself to bed…well limp myself," he chuckled a little.

"Here let me help you," he swung me up in his arms again, and this time I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around him. "I can't have you walking everywhere with a messed ankle, I can take you to the doctors tomorrow to get it checked out."

"That's not necessary, it's nothing big. We're supposed to be worried about Leah and Jacob, not my ankle."

"Well you tell me how you try to protect a couple, and catch a serial killer with a twisted ankle."

"On a Segway."

"You're so stubborn, why can't you just listen to me?"

"Because you always have so much to say, as if I can't take care of myself."

"Well, I'm but last time I checked you're the one a twisted ankle. How did you get that by the way?"

"I slipped coming out the shower," I murmured. He laughed and I could feel his chest move up and down rapidly. We entered a room that was at the end of a short hallway around the corner of Elizabeth's.

He had already set up the bed and the dresser; I saw a large brown recliner in the corner, other than that it was pretty empty. He set me down on the bed.

"I need to be at the school for orientation tomorrow. So if you can hold things down here…" He trailed off as he pulled off his shirt and entered the bathroom. I saw a little glimpse of his tan and defined back. I felt my face grow hot.

"Yeah, I've worked alone before. I'll be fine." I called to him through door; I quickly searched through my suit case to find something to wear.

"With Ellie?"

"Well we'll get along fine, she thinks I'm pretty." I found a pair of silk purple pajama pants and a gray t-shirt and pulled them on quickly.

"One, what does you being pretty have anything to do with getting along with her and secondly, Ellie can have bad judgment sometimes." He ripped the bathroom door open, his eyes wide. "Bella I didn't mean to say that out loud. It just slipped out… you're not ugly. I-" He went on and on and I tucked myself in and turned out the lights, ignoring him.

Jackass.

…JCE…

**Okay if we get… 15-20 reviews Klutz and I will poop ourselves and then send you virtual kisses and update, the latter two will have to be done after a quick cleanup of course. ASAP. We appreciate ya'll thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! Thank you to ClancyJane, dazzleglo, sayy, FFF1664, .gotes, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, Mz-Star, kembie , and wackynicolecsu for your fabulous review. Trust me you had me flipping out during the middle of class whenever I got a new email alert As you can tell we didn't really reach our goal but my day has been CRAP and posting and receiving reviews from you all make everything so much better! Thanks to all of the Alerts and Favorites!

…JCE…

"Bella, if you want to learn how to bake you're going to have to pay attention." Leah snapped. I looked up at her, I thought baking was a hobby of hers, who woulda' thought she'd take it this serious. How was I supposed to focus after being called ugly? It was childish but… he thinks I'm ugly. "Bella! Eyes on the pan your pouring way to much oil in that!" She said steadying my hand.

Edward's footsteps sound from the hall and then Ellie giggled, "Mommy, you're messy!" I looked up to see them surveying the mess that was my kitchen, Ellie perched on Edward's hip.

"Because she sucks at baking…" Leah muttered I hit her arm making her drop the flour and having it explode over the two of us. Ellie was giggling like mad and Edward was shaking with laughter himself. "Mother of hell. Isabella!" I cowered away from her. At this rate all she would have to do was send James a glare and he would drop his shit and _go._ Hell I was ready to dart and this is _my_ house.

Kinda.

"Don't get too messy, honey. I have to go, but have fun with Mommy, okay?" Edward said to Ellie as he set her on the floor. She immediately came towards us, twirling in the remains of the exploded white mess.

"No, Ellie! Edward why would you bring her into all of this! Take her out of here." I ordered, gently nudging Ellie towards him.

"I'm sorry," He looked as scared of me, as I was of Leah.

"Sorry Mommy…" Ellie muttered hugging my leg and running back to Edward.

"Jeeze Bella harsh much?" I glared at Leah who countered my glare with a bitch brow of her own.

"Um I have to go Bella so I'll see you later." He pulled his jacket off of the coat rack in the corner by the front. I turned back to working on the batter of 'a la whatever' Leah was making.

"Don't let him leave like that Bella."

"Like what? He looked fine to me."

"Tell him you love him or something! You never know one day he could leave through that door and not come back again." I shook my head.

"He'll be fine-"

"Go, Bella. You never know, I remember the day Jake and I got into it… next thing I knew I was in the hospital sitting next to him as they prepped him to get a _bullet _out of his leg. Just go" She gave me a hard shove towards the door. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Drop to my knees and beg him not to leave, just so he can explain to me how ugly I am? I think not. I walked slowly out the door hoping he got to the car quicker than I got out side. "Bella hurry!"

Ugh.

I sped up, barreling through the door, ready to put on a show, for Leah's sake.

"Edward!" I called, he looked at me through the windshield and I limped/jogged towards him jacketless and covered in flour. I turned toward the house and saw her urging me to go to him.

"What?" He opened the truck door. I glared at him as I slowed my limp until I was merely limp/skipping. "Bella why are you out here you'll catch a cold," I wrapped my hands in his hair and pulled his face to mine so that he was a hair away from kissing me.

"What are you doing?"

"Leah's watching obviously. She made me come out here and give you proper good bye like the perfect little Stepford wife she knows I can be."

"You know at some point we are going to have to kiss in front of her for real right?"

"Fuck you."

"I don't think she needs to see that, Honey. Well let's give her a show then."

"I don't think so jackass. Who wants to kiss someone who's ugly anyway?"

"I said sorry." I rolled my eyes and then my head was pulled forward until our lips met. His moved against mine slowly and he licked my bottom lip for entrance I opened my mouth to him, and then bit the fuck out of his tongue. He yanked away from me his head slamming into the head rest.

"Who do you think you are?" I pushed him away from me.

"You're not ugly, Bella. You're actually quite pretty if I do say so myself." I pushed his face away.

"Sarcastic fuck. I hate you so much."

"Love you too, Baby." I hurried out of the car glaring at him the whole time, and slamming the door, secretly hoping I caught his leg between the door and the frame.

I limped back in to the house.

"I told you to say goodbye not give the whole neighborhood a show," my face flushed red and Leah chuckled. "I'm just messing with you; I think that you two are a lovely couple. So how did you guys meet?"

Shit, didn't really think about that "We met through a friend, blind date, which turned into marriage."

"Well I can tell you that when I first Jacob I kind of just knew he was the one. I know it sounds really cliché, trust me that's how it felt. He proposed to me on Valentine Day, we went out on the beach, the weather was perfect. We watched the sun set and he told me how wonderful I was, how I'm beautiful, he told me he wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with anyone else, then he asked me to marry him. Of course I cried for like five minutes before I even gave him an answer. I can truly say that he is the love of my life," she got all of that and all I got was a 'you're ugly'. Jackass. "So what about you and Edward, how did he propose to you?"

"It was at thanksgiving. We were around my parent fireplace and he just popped the question, the rest of my family answered before I did, but that's basically it."

"How long have you guys been married?"

"Six years."

"So about Elizabeth's age?"

"Yeah, we were really…eager to become parents." I barfed a little bit inside of my mouth.

"Have you guys talked about having anymore?"

"_No_!" She stared at me her mouth gaping open. "I mean it's not like we don't want more it's just we have been moving around a lot and it's been hard to find time to you know, go through the process," My face started to get hot again.

"Yeah I get it. Unfortunately me and Jacob found out that we were unable to have children."

"Oh I'm so sorry," A part of me started to feel guilty about lying even though I knew I had to.

"It's fine, hey about you say we finish cleaning this up and you, me, and Elizabeth try to make some chocolate chip cookies."

I gave her a smile and nodded. Throughout the day I learned more and more about Leah and Elizabeth. We helped put Elizabeth's clothes in her dresser and in the closet. We placed pictures of her and Edward on top the desks and dressers. We taped up Disney princess posters and got all the furniture in the right place.

"My room looks so pretty, thank you mommy," she gave me a tight hug around the waist.

"You're welcome sweetie, who else do you say thank you too?" she ran up to Mrs. Black and gave her a hug too.

"Thank you for helping me Mrs. Cleahwaler-r-Black." I laughed at the way she slurred through the first part of her name.

"No problem, I enjoyed spending time with you both. Jacob is always out fishing, and I'm all alone." Oh that's completely safe, especially when there's a hit out on you.

"Can I have another cookie mommy?"

"Just one more."

"YAY!" She ran out the room giggling.

"Really thank you so much for sticking around and helping us get things organized here."

"Bella it was really no problem. I'm glad I got to know you better."

"Yeah we should definitely get together sometime. Just the two of us."

"Of course, we should really get Jacob and Edward to come, though," She glanced at her watch, "oh I'm supposed to be meeting Jake at La Bella Italia soon, I should get going. Thanks for the company."

"No problem, it was my pleasure." Leah left after saying a brief goodbye to Ellie.

I called Edward. He picked up after three rings, "Hey,"

"Hi, I'm gonna go check the Blacks security and make sure nothing has changed since the blueprint we have was made." He 'mhmm'ed into the receiver, "Should I wait or…."

"No go on ahead I'll be held up here for a while any way." We talked a little bit longer before hanging up, I really didn't want the Blacks coming home prematurely.

I gathered Ellie up and took her to the play set that bordered our yard and the Clearwater-Blacks yard, so that I could keep an eye on her.

"Stay here okay?" she nodded and started swinging happily. I awkwardly crept around the side of the small house and peeked in what should be their empty bedroom, but it wasn't empty, sitting on the bed watching T.V was most possibly the second most handsome man I had seen in all my years. Coming runner up to Edward of course, because even if he were a dick, he was the sexiest dick I had ever been around. I recognized him.

_Jacob Black_. What in the hell? He and Leah were supposed to be out to dinner. He glanced up at the window and I ducked out of the way a second before he saw me. It is obviously not in my best interest for me to be standing in plain sight contemplating their marriage.

Even if it did seem as phony as my own.

Jacobs being at home threw my plan, to find more information on the house, clear out the window.

Walking back over to the playing little girl I asked, "Ellie sweetheart, want to come in and help Mommy with dinner?" She nodded enthusiastically and jumped off of her swing before darting into the house.

…JCE…

My phone ringing woke me from a dead sleep. "Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Hey can you unlock the door?"

"It depends, who the fuck is this?"

"Really Bella?"

"I'm going to hang up."

"Edward! It's me! Edward!" He screamed into the phone.

"Why the hell are you coming home so late, dearest?" He sighed.

"Bella does it even matter?"

"Um… I think it does." I was just giving him a hard time at this point. That's what you get when you awake me in the middle of the night from my beauty rest. Which according to him, I needed a lot of.

"I went out with some co-workers. _Open the door_." He demanded.

"You went out until-" The alarm clock on my dresser flashed _1:37_. "One thirty in the morning have you fucking lost your mind? You have a child to worry about and your flat assed drunk? We have a _case to work on_ and you are going out getting high and fucking the art teacher? _Cheating on me!_ How will this look to the neighbors?" I was legitimately just pulling stuff out of my ass at this point.

"Since when have you ever known me to be drunk, high or satisfied?"

"Oh you are funny; you can sit your ass in the snow. So now you've called me ugly and insulted my sexual skills? Well fuck you and the snow you're lying in."

"What the fuck! It's September and there is no fucking snow out here. I told you I don't think you're ugly, Bella."

"Well it was snowing in my dream, that you so rudely interrupted, one where I happened to be demonstrating my sexual expertise, that you think I lack, on Dave Franco… sexy beast…" I moaned.

"I did not insult your sexual expertise! Bella we haven't even had sex yet."

"Yet? Ha. You just _know _it's going to happen don't you? Cocky son of a bitch. You're just an all-around ladies' man aren't you? Well, no thank you. You can keep your twenty one and a half STD's to yourself."

"How do you have a half of an STD?"

"Something in your mouth that's not to severe… like mouth herpes."

"How is that less servere? It's still the herp."

"Don't question me."

" Well, If I had mouth herpes than I guess you have it too."

"Too late, I got my flu shot."

"Are _you_ high?"

"Nope and I'm not drunk or satisfied _either_!"

"We can change that." There was shuffling on his end of the line and my eyes shot to the bedroom window as it slid open. Suddenly Edward's voice wasn't just coming through the phone. He slid gracefully into the room; I gaped at his litheness and threw a remote at him.

"Ah fuck Bella! What was that for?" He cried as the remote nailed him in the stomach.

"Saying I'm ugly." I hissed, I heard his chuckle and saw his dark form strip.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm wet. You don't want me catching hypothermia do you?"

"That's called karma for coming home so late. If you would've come home on time you would have had to lie in the snow."

"There was _no snow_, it was raining." His sopping clothes hit the floor. "I seriously think you the drunken one, but then again it's not much of a difference. You argue like a drunk, your balance is as bad a drunk. You bitch about every little thing like a drunk. We've been fake married for two day and frankly I'm sick of you."

"Oh you're sick of me, at least you don't have someone who as rude as you are on your back about every move you make. How many times are you going to mention my ankle, huh? I think we can both see its messed up. And let's not forget your uncensored thoughts. You just think you can say anything you want and everything is okay."

"Will you let the ugly thing go. How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't mean it?"

"Until I feel like you've had enough. You don't hear me calling you ugly."

"That's cause you don't think I'm ugly."

"So you do think I'm ugly?"

"So you think I'm not ugly?"

"What?"

"What?"

"You make my head numb," I groaned rubbing my temples; he chuckled and got situated in his recliner.

"Do can you throw an extra pillow over here… Ouch! What was that?"

"A pillow."

"Are you kidding? That was a pillow case with a _book_ in it."

"Now both of our heads hurt."

"Crazy."

"Jackass."

…JCE…

Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review and make my shitty day a little better : ( Lets go for 20 reviews! You all did great with the last chapter!

Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Dear Ladies, you never fail to amaze us with your awesomeness! Thanks to dazzleglo, julesie76,** **.gotes, ADADancer, Wolfwifey0611, Mz-Star, Youat2intheMorning , Kgunter34, Twifan1986, kembie, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames. Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and alerts. They mean more than chocolate…. That's a lot for me, so you see your influence? :D**

**Standard Disclaimer applies.**

…JCE…

"Are you sure daddy wants us to do this?"

"Yeah he told me if he was ever running late to wake him up. This is waking him up" I assured.

"But does he like to woken up with ice water, this is really cold."

"Yes sweetie I'm positive, okay now when I say three we shoot," we held up our water guns "1…2…3!"

"Agh!" He shot up rubbing his cheek.

"Time for school, darling!" I laughed; I checked the clock over on my dresser, "Fuck!" He shouted, shooting up. Ellie giggled and Edward grunted.

"Ellie, we have to get you dressed!" I set Ellie down and let her run into her room, and I hobbled after her.

"Uh, Bella, you want me to get Elizabeth ready?"

"No, I've got it. What else is your ugly housewife supposed to do?" He sighed and stood up, moving quickly around the room

"You're ankle looks worse." He observed pointedly ignoring me. I hummed in agreement. "You should stay off of it."

"Like hell I will! I've lived through worse. Ever been shot?"

"No."

"Well me neither. But I have broken an arm."

"Thanks… for sharing…" He headed off towards the bathroom but not before calling, "On my lunch break we are going to the doctor. Until then try and stay off your ankle."

"No. How am I to keep an eye on Leah and Jacob if I'm out at the doctor?"

"I'll set up a camera."

"I'll do it."

"You need to stay off of your foot."

I rolled my eyes and hobbled out of the room. When I arrived at Ellie's door I was met with the sounds of her… singing.

"I got hoes! I got hoes! In diffwent awea codes awe-" She trailed off looking puzzled then looked to me at the door.

"You were supposed to be getting dressed, Elizabeth. You have ten minutes before you and Daddy leave." She dropped the hairbrush she was singing into. We rushed around the room in silence, getting her dressed in the first thing I found. "Ellie… where do you hear things like that?"

"Like what?" She looked up at me with her gorgeous, wide green eyes.

"What you were singing."

"What's that?"

"The song… that you were singing when I came in."

"What song?" I had a feeling she knew what she was doing but I let it slide, because she's not my kid.

"Alright, let's go find Daddy." She shrugged and skipped alongside me, a part of me felt like she was mocking my hobble, but I let it go because she's five.

And I'm a paranoid bitch.

"Off of your feet, Isabella." Edward ordered as I bumped into him in the hall.

"Here's your kid. I muttered nudging Ellie towards him.

All three of us headed into the kitchen, I got Ellie situated in her seat while Edward set up the camera on the front window aiming directly at the Clearwater-Blacks house.

I started making eggs and fried some bacon for the both of them. I started adding various vegetables to the eggs making an omelet when I noticed Ellie standing against my hip, and way to close to the stove.

"Ellie, honey. You're too close to the stove." She backed up, but otherwise didn't acknowledge my words.

"I can't eat that."

"Why not?" I asked concerned, she wasn't allergic to eggs was she? Maybe she should get out of the kitchen…

"I'm a vegetarian."

"O… kay, so do you just want to eat the omelet?"

"No only the bacon," She said reaching a little hand towards the pan with bacon in it, I swatted it away with my own and she cradled it glaring up at me.

"Then you aren't a vegetarian."

"You obviously don't know what a vegetarian is, Mommy."

"I think you're the one that's confused," I muttered, she cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her stomach.

"A vegetarian is a person that doesn't eat vegetables. It's better for huma-lity."

Making shit up. This girl has been around me _way_ too much.

"You're wrong."

Point. Blank. Period.

She scrunched up her nose at me, before turning on her heal and sitting back in her chair.

Edward came through the kitchen door wiping off his hands and wiping fake sweat off of his brow, "Okay you should be good to go, I don't have time to sync it up to our phones or computer yet but I will do right after school." They both hastily sat and downed their food like there was no tomorrow, while I just stood and watched with a slight look of horror.

"Are you implying that you won't be going out tonight?"

"Yes, I will. I have a beautiful daughter and wife who I would like to spend time with," He spoke around a mouth full of omelet, before shooting up from the table and grabbing up Ellie.

"Bullshit." I rolled my eyes, he headed out the door with Ellie under his arm and his coat on top of her. I followed the two of them out of the door, Ellie's backpack in hand.

"I will pick you up, for the doctor, around twelve but for now keep off the foot."

"Yes dad. Have a good day at school, Ellie." I handed her the backpack and fastened her into her car seat.

4'11 is the magic number, or so Cinderella's fairy god mother says.

"You too, Mommy!"

"Why do you have to be so stingy?"

"I said that I would keep off of it." I sent him my bitch brow and he glared back.

"I didn't like your tone."

"Looks like your gonna have to build a bridge and get over it." I raised an eye brow.

"Are you guys fighting?"

"No sweetheart, because Daddy said sorry."

"I did?" I gave him the bitch brow "Yeah I did, your mommy can't help her craziness."

"What?"

"What?"

"Daddy said you're cwazy." Ellie stated in a no nonsense tone.

"That's what I thought."

"Ellie I thought you were on my side?" Edwards glare turned pleading as he looked for support from a five year old.

"I don't like to pick favowites."

"But you just chose her."

"Yeah, so. I like her better." I giggled to myself. It so much more fun to what other people get confused talking to her than, having it happen to me.

"Okay we gotta go, see you at twelve," he leaned and gently kissed my cheek.

"What was that for?" I said breathily. He was fuck hot, can you blame me.

"What I can't kiss my wife?" he eyed me so that I would understand. He darted a look at the old woman next door watering her flowers and being a nosey fucker.

"Of…course you can."

"EW, I bet Daddy has cooties!" I laughed and Edward got in the car. I kissed Elizabeth through the rolled down window before they drove off.

**...JCE…**

**_POV**

"Hi, sweetheart, are you almost close to Forks," my hand was shaking hard as I held the phone.

"Not really I should take a while my stupid bus got delayed, you know what to do right?"

"Yeah I do. We can finally be together, just after we take care of him."

"You bet we will."

"I love you."

"I love you too I can't wait to see you again."

"Bye."

"Goodbye, for now."

I hung up and returned to my baking.

…JCE…

**Thanks for reading! I know this is short but it was kind of filler-ish. Trust me, next chapter is MUCH longer. Now make Klutz and I lose our minds every time we open our inbox! Also tell us what you want to see happening in the story. We do know where we are going with it, but we want to hear your idea's too. If we choose to use your idea we will find a way to fit you, and your idea, into the story! Let's go for twenty reviews ladies!**

**As for the 4'11 thing I don't remember where I saw that but it's about car seats and what not for anyone that was lost, haha.**

**Oh and the song Ellie was singing is called Area Codes- by Ludacris**


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to Youat2intheMorning, Catbratty, kembie, .gotes, ClancyJane, Kgunter34, kelliekinz, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, Twifan1986, ADADancer, and crazy-chick-4life. You ladies make our life. Your reviews mean the world and when we look at our inboxes we almost fall into happy comas. So thank you so very much for your continuous support!

Thanks to all of the favorites and alerts as well!

Standard Disclaimer Applies

…JCE…

"Can you roll your ankle for me?"

"I can," I huffed giving the doctor the stink eye. My ankle sat in his hand unmoving.

"Bella could you just cooperate? I have to get back to work soon."

"Well let's go. I'm done here," I attempted to convince him, the hot doc in front of me chuckled and shook his head whilst rotating my ankle.

"Son of a b-" Edward shook his head at me and I closed my mouth.

"So," hot doc started, "how long have you two been married?" Idle conversation to most, for me, a test of my job.

"Six years." I replied.

"Eight years." Edward said simultaneously.

I sent him a bitchy look and he blushed.

"Six... haha yeah everything seems longer with Bella, here." I was not happy with his answer and smacked the back of his head.

"I'm joking..."

The hot doc laughed and shook his head. That was starting to annoy me. Ever since we arrived all he had been doing was shaking that pretty blonde head of his and laughing. Like Edward and I were that terrible traveling circus with big Bertha who you felt bad for laughing at but couldn't stop... or maybe that is just me.

"So what's the prognosis, Doc?"

"I think your ankle will be just fine, Isabella. The swelling should go down very soon."

"It's been swollen for days already, Doctor Facinelli. Shouldn't the pain and swelling have gone down by now?" He chuckled lowly and shook his head again.

_Look at Big Bertha chunk down those twinkies!_

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"No it's quite normal." Edward nodded and leaned over to look at my ankle again_. Look at him being all caring and what not_. "Bella-" He started scribbling on to a chart, "I am going to get you crutches, because even though the injury isn't that bad I don't want it getting worse." I started to object and he spoke again, "I'm sure these are much more convenient than being sentenced to bed rest until the swelling reduces." I curled a lip up at him and he did his laugh and shake thing, I swear I was about to go all Bertha on him and sit on his ass.

_I wonder if she was supposed to be laughed at._

"Alright thanks, Doctor." Edward stood and shook his hand after helping me up. After getting my crutches and all that jazz, we were out the door and back into the car that started the journey to nowheresville.

"Do you want to go out to lunch or anything? I have twenty minutes still; my next class doesn't start until one."

"Nah, can we just pick something up? I don't feel like showing of my brand spankin' new crutches right off the bat." Edward chuckled, "Hey did you know there was a block party coming up? We should go."

"I don't know, Bella. Wouldn't that be a pain with your foot?"

"I've got crutches." I pointed out. _Not that I would use them._

"You have to promise to stay on your crutches until your swelling is gone. If you do, we'll go to the block party."

"I'm going to the block party regardless, it's just a matter of you going or not."

"You go, it will give me a chance to actually get some work done. Take Ellie while you're at it will you?"

"Really Edward? Have I kept you from doing any work? I haven't seen you attempting to get anything done." I glared at the side of his head. He shrugged, "If I use my crutches will you go to the block party? If we go we can get a feel for the neighborhood and keep an eye on Leah and Jacob. We don't want to sit around like that awkward new comer who won't leave their house." He sighed and looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"Fine."

"When is it?"

"Tonight," He let out an exasperated sigh and stepped out of the car, who would have guessed we had been sitting in the drive way for five minutes.

"Okay see you later," My eyes flickered to the nosey old woman watering her bushes and I kissed Edwards cheek before carefully getting out of the car, grabbing the crutches.

"Call me if you see anything or anyone suspicious, okay?" I rolled my eyes.

"Call you? Oh I was just planning on crutching them to death," I slapped the ends of my crutches together in example. He rolled his eyes, much like I did only seconds ago. I slammed the door and hobbled backwards as his huge truck pulled out of the driveway and took off down the street like a bat out of hell. I wondered if he drove like that when I was with him, I had been in the car with him all of two times and had never noticed. Huh.

A little voice broke me out of my reverie, "You should really tell your little boyfriend to slow down, and residential speed limits are 25 miles per hour, shame on him." She shook her frail little head. Poor Edward, it looks as though he has already been shunned by Betty White.

"I keep telling him that," I smiled politely and she pursed her lips at me, "I'm Bella Cullen. That was my husband that just zoomed of, like he had lost his wits." Lips still pursed she nodded her head and got back to watering. _She's friendly… _

"Well it was nice meeting you."

"Wish I could say the same." Oh… never mind. Betty White seemed _way_ more pleasant than that old bat.

"O…_kay_ then."

"Are you getting fresh with me young lady?" She stood erect and pointed a crooked little white finger at me. Defenseless ol' me with my crutches, and gun strapped to my ankle.

"Ma'am I barely know you, I was just trying to be friendly," I all but snapped. I couldn't stop myself while she stood there looking all taken aback. "And I assure you, that if I were to get fresh with you, you'd feel it." Her mouth dropped open and she put her hand to her chest, gaping at me. I almost wanted to pull up my pant leg and say something along the lines of '_I'm not getting fresh with you but I'll still show you what I'm packing._' But being the sensible woman I am, I decided not to harass my next door neighbor, for what could be the next few months. And I wouldn't dare open my mouth and say something as stupid as that.

"Have a nice rest of the day, Ms. Daisy." I turned to crutch myself away when I realized what I had just said. I cringed.

_Mother fuck. She will be pissed as hell for that one._

"Excuse me, you delinquent. Do not call me out of my name. It would have been proper to ask me my name. Not just rattle off stereotypes!" _Was that really a stereo type?_

_Well, I am nothing if not polite._

"What is your name, ma'am?"

"Isabella." Mother of hell, I swear my life just flashed in front of my eyes. What if I turned out to be an old cat lady wearing only floral print dresses that wore dresses three sizes too big, with crooked fingers like her?

_Now _that's _a stereotype. Don't doubt my skills you old bat._

She honestly wasn't that bad looking for her age except for a slight hunch she could have passed for… seventy, that scowl that graced her face wasn't to appealing though.

"You know it's rude to stare!" She croaked waving a finger at me. "I'll be speaking to your _husband_-" she spoke as though she didn't believe me. _Okay._ "At the block party. So tonight so I am expecting you two to be there." It was strange because whenever she spoke I felt as though she were scolding me.

_Was that supposed to be a friendly invitation? Whatever._

"Three of us." I corrected.

"Excuse me?" She narrowed her eyes at me as if she had just found me sticking my hand into the cookie jar before dinner.

Why did I have to keep talking? "We have a daughter who will be there." I winced, _I just won't shut up. _

"Mhmm… _right._"

"Well… See you later, Miss Isabella." She pursed her lips at me again and headed into her house.

…JCE…

An hour and a half later Edward and Ellie pulled up to the house. I limped out to the car to get Ellie, who was looking quite put out.

"What's wrong honey?" She glared at me and I gave her a 'what the fuck' look because no I'm not above being a bitch to a five year old.

"Daddy said we have to go to a party." Oh great a whole family of anti-social jerks. My goodness.

"We are but you'll have fun! You might even meet some new friends." She shook her head.

"I don't wanna go."

"For Mommy?"

"I don't know you like that." I put the little brat on the ground. Now I was put out.

"Ellie don't say that it's rude." Edward reprimanded giving her a scolding look. I shivered remembering the old woman next door giving me a similar one.

"Sorry, Mommy." I nodded at her and she hugged my leg.

"Bella, where are your crutches?"

_In the fireplace. The wooden pieces of shit weren't good for much else._

"You know… I seemed to misplace them." I bit my lip looking puzzled and shook my head, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't even know where they would have gone- If I were crutches where would I be?"

"I know where they should be." He shot a pointed look at my arms.

"I know where the will be, if you don't leave me alone about them."

"Where's that, Mommy?"

"Up Daddy's A-S-S." I replied, scrunching up my nose at him.

"I can spell."

"Aw shit!" I flipped out, and cussed again, like a jackass. Ellie collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Just kidding I can't spell, but that's what everyone does! I know that when old people spell, they are using cuss words, cause they don't want me to hear." She kept laughing, "Then I lie and they go shit!" She sobered up completely, "Then I make them give me a quarter. Cause' cussing is bad. The only person who doesn't using spelling to cuss is my teacher Ms. Weber. She spells words like 'cat' and 'baby' I don't think she knows what spelling is actually for-" She held out her hand and curled her fingers inward twice.

"Elizabeth Cullen." Edward shook his head, "Time out for you." She hung her head and walked into the house and I followed her Edward pulling up the rear.

Until the ground was gone. Edward picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, carrying my crippled ass into the house. Speaking of asses, he had a _nice_ one.

"I do not appreciate this, Edward."

"You don't have to. I feel like a better person for doing it." He replied smugly.

"Ugh. Oh the party starts in a few minutes! Agh! Put me down!" I groaned as he took some steps, and his shoulder dug into my stomach with each bump. "You dress Ellie for this one, I had her this morning," He kicked open the bedroom door and threw me onto the bed.

"Fine," He huffed, and then he made his swift exit.

…JCE...

_I wonder if they'll judge me if I don't wear khaki._ I pulled on a white button down and yanked on some blue jeans as quickly as possible, not wanting Edward to accidentally barge in and catch me in my skivvies. I was finished just in time too, because Edward came knocking at the door a few seconds later.

"Are you decent?"

"Mhmm," He quickly opened the door and entered with Ellie on his back. She was wearing a cute little plaid purple and light blue dress with light blue sandals, her curly copper colored hair in one ponytail, high on her head.

"You look pretty, Mommy." She said quietly.

"You do to, pumpkin."

"I know." I curled a lip at her and she giggled.

"Don't you have a time out to get to, Ellie?" I knew it was bitchy but…

Hey, I _am_ a bitch.

"Yes." She mumbled her chin tucked into her chest she slid down Edward and ran to a corner facing it and sitting down.

"Five minutes," Edward called, he went into the bathroom and started fooling with his hair and I pulled mine into a low side ponytail. I looked at the floor length mirror on the side of my-_our-_ bed and twisted side to side.

"Ellie, do I look fat in this?"

"Shh! Are you _trying _to get me in _trouble?_" I immediately felt bad and shrunk down onto the bed watching her all by herself in that little corner. I guess I had been staring a little too long at her because I hadn't even noticed that Edward had come out of the bathroom.

"Bella… what are you doing?"

"I feel so bad…" I whispered.

"Okay…" He turned away and all of a sudden loud music blasted.

"The hell is that?" Edward almost had to scream over the music, I shrugged and watch little Ellie over in the corner. Edward was about ready to go and I was tired of watching her being all sad.

"Alright time to go!" As quickly as possible I got to Ellie and picked her up hugging her to me before attempting to get out of the house.

"Wait! I need to get my shoe!" I paused as I watched Edward get on his knees and stick his head under the bed. All. Ass.

Mmmm…

_Oh shit I forgot about my-_

"Very clever." Edward deadpanned as he yanked my crutches from under the bed, holding them up for me to take. I set Ellie down and snatched them from him. "Uh huh, and you thought I would forget." I settled on to them and we headed down to the block party which much to my surprise wasn't that far away from our house it was three doors down. A lot of people were here making idle chit chat and Edward pulled Ellie off to the side before we were noticed and swarmed with new neighbors.

"Ellie, just remember, even though we live close these are all strangers okay? So I want you to always be able to see me and-"

"Oh honey, please! We're just a big old family. We aren't gonna' hurt your baby." A neatly dressed woman yelled to us over the too loud music.

"Ma'am were you eavesdropping?" The woman shook her head and I cocked mine.

"Oh _no. _Eavesdropping is for booshie people. I was just straight up being nosey." I smiled at the woman. _My kinda girl._ "You're new aren't you?"

"We are," I answered for my socially inept husband. "I'm Bella Cullen; this is my husband Edward and our daughter Ellie."

"Well isn't she precious! She looks just like you, Bella." I still don't get that. Is that just something people said around here? Ellie wasn't my kid and yet people kept saying we looked alike.

"I'm Emily Uley." I shook her hand, and Edward followed suit. He immediately engaged in conversation with her. I scanned the crowd for Leah and or Jacob. I spotted Jacob over by the stereo and made my way over to him.

I tapped on his broad shoulder and smiled pleasantly, "Hi," He turned around and smiled back unleashing all of his perfect white teeth on me.

_Swoon_.

Married. We both were.

Kind of.

"I'm Bella Swan, I moved in next to you a while ago…" His eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't say anything. "Unless you aren't married to Leah… oh this is awkward." I blushed on command.

"No, no. I mean, yes, we are married." He shook my hand. "I'm sorry, Leah had told me that a family moved in next door, you just look a little young…" He trailed off.

"Oh thanks," I giggled, then realized I was flirting with a married man. "Yeah, it's me, my husband and our daughter." We kept up some idle shit chat and I soon found myself searching for Edward.

"Excuse me, Jacob. I want you to meet Edward; I think you'd get along famously." I held up a finger and stood on my tip toes, but I couldn't find him or Ellie. "You know what, when they show up I'll come find you okay?" He nodded and his attention was immediately grabbed by one of our neighbors.

I moved swiftly through throngs of people until I was on the opposite end of the cul-de-sac, I was about to take off again when something caught my attention. A short, extremely short, woman had her back to me and a tall blonde gentleman was standing at her side. I started towards them and slammed into someone, quiet hard, his foot catching on my crutch making it fall to the ground.

"What the-" I bent down to retrieve my crutch since he obviously had no sympathy for cripples.

"Watch where you're going much?" Being slammed into made me retrogress into my teen years I guess.

"Who do you think you are?" The deep voice asked darkly, I looked up into baby blue eyes and curled up a lip.

"I know who I am. What I don't know is why you're still standing here in my face."

"Bitch." His long blonde greasy hair slapped me in the shoulder as he turned to walk away.

Dick.

My excitement reappeared when the tall blonde from earlier turned and I saw his head turn and a smile grace his face. Edward walked up and was embraced in a hug by the short woman. His expression showed one of apprehension, and that was usually the one he made before he put his foot in his mouth, or in my terms, started acting like a jackass. I snuck up behind the couple and rose and eyebrow at Edward, who looked relieved in return. I walked around to Edward and wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled happily at the little woman.

"-oh and here she is now, this is my wife Bella." The blonde bum rushed me… from the front and grabbed me up into a hug. "Um… looks like you've met?"

Jasper lifted me off of my feet burying his head in the nape of my neck and squeezed the life out of me.

"My turn. My turn, _Jasper_!" The little one said bouncing up and down on her tippy toes, He dropped me to the ground and I was pulled into an even tighter hug by Alice.

I looked at a puzzled Edward and said, "You two should come over later, so you can all get fully acquainted." Ali nodded bouncing up and down.

"So… husband?" Alice asked eying Edward, I nodded and she frowned. "I wasn't invited to the wedding, bitch." She stated bluntly. Oh she is definitely my better half.

"It's not-" I looked around to see bystanders looking at our exchange curiously and quirked and eyebrow at them, giving them a glare. "I'm sorry. It was a… snap decision." Edwards head bobbed up and down along with my words. A little body came and slammed into my legs.

"Mommy! He hit me!" Ellie pointed to a child hiding behind their parents legs with a bloody nose. I kneeled down to examine her face, she looked fine to me.

"No it was on my arm! But it didn't hurt all that bad. I hit him first anyway."

"Ellie, why did you hit him?" I asked, eyeing the little boy, he stuck his tongue out at me and I flipped him off. Yeah, I wasn't above giving a little kid the finger.

"He said you were his girlfriend. _He's lying_!" She turned on her last few words and shouted them at the little boy who blew a raspberry at her.

"If you knew he was lying why'd you hit him?"

"I can't control myself. I think I need anger management." She nodded, as if confirming her words.

"If it's your fault then why are you over here telling on him?" Edward asked raising an eyebrow at the little trouble maker.

"I am not telling, I wanted you to see him. I ruffed him up. I deserve a cookie."

"You deserve a time out." Ellie glared up at him and sent him my patented bitch brow, the kids been hanging around me _way_ too much. "And you need to apologize." Edward grabbed her hand and took her to the little boy and his irate mother.

"Wait so you got married, had a kid and didn't think to even write me a fucking _note?_" Alice screamed, making a scene like she often did. Jasper just looked upset. He was more into physically showing his affection, but when it came to verbalizing his feelings he would rather keep everything bottled up.

"We'll explain later." I said shooting a pointed look at the nosey jackasses we called neighbors. Alice crossed her arms and huffed grabbing Jaspers hand and stomping away. On my way towards Ellie and Edward, I saw Leah conversing with the blonde jackass, she smiled brightly and if I'm not mistaken she was _flirting_.

"Bella?" I turned to look into the big dark brown eyes of Jacob Clearwater-Black.

"Oh hey, come with me, Edwards over here." I walked up on the tail end of Edward's conversation.

"-Just keep your kid away." She said curling up a lip at him.

"Hi, my name is Bella," I cut in quickly. "I am also really sorry for little Ellie's behavior today, she isn't on her medication. Edward doesn't like to mention it but that's why she acted out the way she did. She won't do it again." Were cookies considered medicine? No? Didn't think so, but what would she care if I were incorrect?

"And like I was saying earlier to him," She gestured to Edward, "I don't want your kid close to mine. Your daughter is a bully, and my son _will not_ be victim to her."

"Hey man, I'm Edward." I heard Edward greet Jacob, then he looked to me and I sent him a look back that said 'I got this' he nodded and walked away with Jacob. Leaving me standing here with Ellie, The little brat and his bitch of a mother.

"Then I suggest you tell your kid to toughen up."

"Excuse me?" She asked incredulously.

"You heard me. You're little brat got beat up by a five year old _girl. _And like I said earlier Ellie didn't take her meds earlier, so when he picked on her she lost her shit."

"I can't help that I'm crazy, Mommy." Ellie muttered darkly.

I patted her head, "I know, honey." I looked back up to Mama Bear.

"Don't you ever call my son a brat you-" I raised my eyebrows.

"What? What am I?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Just make sure she leaves him alone."

"Uh huh. Well get your little boy some self-defense classes so he can defend himself against little Mary Lou next time she wants his swing."

"I should get a restraining order put on you two."

"I said she'd leave him alone!"

"You're word means nothing to me."

"Who hurt you so bad that you can't trust?" I asked with mock sympathy.

"Ugh you're just a whole family of _bullies!_" She hissed turning and leading her mini jackass by the hand.

"We are not! Edward's actually quite civil!" I called out to her retreating back.

"I can tackle her." Ellie said seriously.

"No honey, I think we've already gained enough bad publicity." I swung her up into my arms and kissed her forehead.

So much for being the perfect neighbors.

…JCE…

Thanks for reading! Let's get to sixty ladies! We give teasers as well, they aren't consistent but we try. If you sent a review for last chapter and didn't get a review reply, I am sorry, I did them all at once and yours hadn't been sent yet so I figured this update made up for it. Hope you all enjoyed.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Yeah so you all rocked our world with your reviews, *happiness* Thanks to: Catbratty, ClancyJane, Twifan1986, .gotes, (Anonymous reviewer), Kgunter34, dazzleglo, Mz-Star, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, Celtickiltluver, Kris x33, ADADancer,** **kembie, and cmhmommy!**

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**Standard disclaimer applies.**

…**JCE…**

The block party was draining. Alice and Jasper agreed to have lunch soon. Ellie was tired and Edward had to carry her into the house, we decided to leave her in her dress and headed straight to bed. It was quiet in the house, which left me to my thoughts. Big mistake.

_I wish I had schizophrenia. It'd be awesome if when I was alone I could be like 'hey Transwheno.' Yeah, Transwheno, fuck awesome name for my little shoulder buddy. Then I could blame my being bat shit crazy on something else. _

_Seriously. Why do people leave me alone? I'm pretty sure I am certifiably insane. Well at least in the wacky shack me and Transwheno could get to know each other better. _

Edward started talking and I sent a prayer up to the heavens. Because I really can't stand myself.

"What'd you say?" I asked.

"Jacob and I are going to go fishing next weekend. So I was thinking that you could take Ellie out, maybe Alice could tag along too. Ellie has been telling me how she wants to go to the aquarium and see the penguins in Port Angeles. It would be a great chance for you two to get to know each other a little better."

"Sure, that seems fine." I put my crutches under the bed and searched for my silk pajama pants."Edward could I ask you a serious question?"

"Shoot."

"What's happened with you and Ellie? Did your wife or girlfriend abandon you two?" Yeah that sounds way worse than I planned.

_Nice Bella, just rub it in his face._

"I don't think that is any of your business."

"I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just wondering -"

"Yeah you are now just drop it we gotta get going on this case so stop focusing on me and focus on the Leah and Jacob," he snapped, I felt like I was a little girl again and I was getting yelled at for something that I didn't do.

By my very sexy parent.

_I'd call him Daddy._

Something was seriously wrong with me. I shook my head and continued to speak, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to…offend you in any way and I won't bring it up again." We ended the conversation there I changed into my pajamas and tucked myself in bed. I couldn't tell if Edward was asleep or not, but I knew I couldn't sleep thinking about how he reacted to what I had asked, I felt bad because something serious had to have happened and he wasn't letting it out.

I decided not to stay in bed and went to the living room and watched some television. Nothing good was really on except for _Friends_. I went to get some pretzels to eat and as I peeked out the window I saw Leah Clearwater-Black coming home from somewhere. Or at least that's what it looked like. She could've just been out for a smoke or something. Then I saw a small bag in her hand. Is Leah Clearwater-Black a pothead? There's no way.

"What are you doing?" I gasped and grabbed the closest thing to me and used it a as weapon. "Ouch! Bella what the hell! What the fuck?" I dropped the paper towel holder I knocked the shit out of him with and winced as I got a glimpse of the ugly bruise it'd left.

"Don't fucking sneak up on me!" I hobbled toward the fridge and got some ice an ice pack and held towards his forehead. I sat him on the couch. "Oh, shit it looks pretty bad."

"How bad?"

"You have a huge purple dome on your forehead. It looks kind of like that purple Teletubby's ass. Without the crack."

"Great, that's just fan-fucking-tastic."

"Look Edward, I'm really sorry, for everything today. I've been a bitch and I didn't mean to get you all upset when I asked you about... well you know. I'm sorry."

He didn't look at me, which made me feel even worse, only thing that this absolutely horrible, is if he went ballistic again.

"She's my sister."

"What?"

"Ellie is my sister, not my daughter. My mom was sick when she was pregnant with her and died giving birth to her. Her first words were daddy; she thought that I was her father. I didn't want to tell her, because she is just a kid, I want her to have the best childhood as possible. I will tell her someday just not now."

"I can't believe it, I- I would've never guessed. I'm sorry about your mom, Edward. I think that you have a lot of guts raising her and keeping up with this job." I praised,

"Thanks, my aunt was actually supposed to take her for this assignment, but her husband is having surgery and she was going to be in the hospital all day and night with him, and Ellie isn't a big fan of the hospital, so I told her that I had to move for my job, which I did, but she just thinks that the job is teaching."

"And what about me?"

"I told her you were my wife but that you have been in Forks doing research, so that is why she calls you Mommy, well that and Emmett told her your name was 'Mommy'. Not really the ideal lifestyle, lying to your daug- sister just so she doesn't get her heartbroken."

"Things will get easier, promise." he lifted his head to look at me and smiled I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I started to notice how pretty his eyes were. I was staring so long that I didn't notice how he had gotten closer. He was inches away from me and I could smell his body wash. He tilted his head and leaned into me.

Then simultaneously two things happened:

"EEEEWWWWWW! COOTIES, GROSS!" we looked over Ellie stood in the doorway, with her dress that she wore to the block party on. My face grew red. "Daddy what happened to your forehead?" he turned his head to me and I gave him an 'I'm really sorry' look.

And Aunt Flo decided to show up with her bright smile and her shit gift. I clamped my legs together tightly; I should have known it was coming. I have been bitchier than nor-

I can't lie. I'm constantly a raging bitch. The real reason I should have known was the irrational urge to hump the shit out of Edward every time he walked into a room. I just assumed that he was just that fuck hawt.

Ah fuck it's probably like the red sea down there.

I looked back up at him talking to Ellie.

_Nah he was just that fuck hawt._

"I- I tripped," _Way to make me sound abusive buddy_. "While we're asking questions, what are you doing up? Its two in the morning."

"Why are you up?"

"I asked you first."

"And I asked you second."

"So if I asked you first that means you have to answer first."

"Since when?"

"Since I said so."

I giggled at their argument and Edward looked back at me.

"Can we stay up and watch a movie? I'm not tired anymore."

"No, we can't, but we can some other night."

"Mommy? Will you tell Daddy to let me stay up pweety, pweety please?"

"I'm sorry, baby, but I agree with you father. You need to go back to bed," she started to sob, and she went and stomped off to her room.

"I'll go calm her down." I stood up and did a little wobble while nonchalantly holding my hands over the ass crack of my pants. I went to Ellie's room where, she sat in the corner with her teddy bear. "Hey, sweetie, you okay?"

"I wanna stay up; I don't want to go to bed."

"How about we make a promise, Friday if you do as you're told, we will have a movie night?"

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise, but you have to do as your told." she nodded and held her pinky and we shook on it. I got her dressed in her pajama and put her dirty dress in the hamper. She got into bed and tucked her in. "I love you; now go to sleep, so tomorrow can come faster."

"Okay, good night, Mommy."

"Goodnight."

I got a glass of water from the kitchen and went back to my room, where Edward laid on his back with an ice pack over his entire face. In the bathroom found an aspirin for him. I decided to take two when I thought about how hard I hit him and how big the bump was.

"Here, I think you might need this." I handed him the items.

"Thanks." I gave him a coupled more pillows.

I didn't know what else to say, all I could think about was that ten minutes ago, Edward was about to kiss me because he wanted to not because other people were around. A big part of me really wanted him to, but the other part was just annoyed with every little thing he did.

Then I looked down and saw what a mess I had made in my pants.

"Hey… Edward?" I waddled to the bathroom and faced him, "Could you run an errand for me?"

…**JCE...**

**Hope you enjoyed it! Can we make it to… seventy five reviews? Yes? I think we can!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yeah… so Klutz and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning finishing (and starting tehe) this chapter so show us some lurveeee**

**Thanks to all reviewers: xxvret, kembie, dazzleglo, ADADancer, storyluvr12, Catbratty, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, crazy-chick-4life, BloodOnThyLips, and ShadesOfPaIe. You're words make our words worth it! **

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**Standard Disclaimer Applies.**

…JCE…

"Edward can you do me a favor?" I asked sitting on the opposite side of the bed from him.

"It depends, last time you asked me to do you a favor I was in aisle six at midnight picking up… blood stuff."

"It was tampons; I hope I didn't scar you for life."

"Oh but you did."

"You are aware that Ellie will have to grow up at some point? Right?"

"I do." I nodded and twirled my hand in a 'give me more' motion. "I don't follow you."

"Ellie's going to grow up and she will have her period." His eyes grew wide and he covered his ears, I latched on to his hands, crawling towards him on the bed and grabbing his wrists and attempting to pull his hands from his head. I continued to talk louder with every time my attempts failed, "She will need to use pads and tampons!" I centered myself in front of him, so close that my legs overlapped his.

"No!" he cried, his hands turned on mine, clutching my wrists and throwing me on to my back and pinning me down with his body.

"You might even have to… explain how to use them!" I laughed uncontrollably and he restrained me with one of his hand, using the other to cover my mouth. I struggled against his hands, while still giggling. "Get off of me!" He rested his weight on his forearm, his entire body pressing against mine.

"Edward!" He leaned his whole body weight on me. My chest heaved against his from my laughter, his eyelids lowered, and a look of pure lust took over his face. "Edward get off!" My laughter started to die down as his eyes flickered to my lips. I kicked to get from under him and he shifted on top of me, until I came in contact with…

_Dear god_.

I ended up making an embarrassingly loud pornstar-esque moan as he moved against me. His lips fell on mine and I responded quickly. Our lips crashed together hungrily, I struggled against him hopping he would release my hands so that I could wrap them in the copper lusciousness atop his head.

_The copper lusciousness atop his head? See he's intoxicating I can't even think in terms from this century._

We had made contact all of a minute before loud screaming erupted outside.

"Mother fuck!" My head dropped back against the mattress. Edward hurried off of me, making me groan again from exasperation.

"I uh-" He stopped and shook his head before leaving the room. _Ugh,_ I mean when am I ever going to get a chance like that again? I hurried off of the mattress and followed Edward out of the door. Leah had screamed from outside and I pulled my gun from the strap on my ankle. I was about to make my way out of the door when Edwards hand shot out blocking my path.

"Put that away. They are just arguing," He spoke over his shoulder.

"Go say something!"

"It's not my place, we're here to guard them not provide marriage counseling, Bella." I heaved a sigh and ruffled his hair, adding some kind of order to the madness I had created. He chose to ignore the gesture. _Oh I see how this is going to work._

Little footsteps made their way to the door and I turned to look at an angry Ellie, night gown and all.

"What is going on? I don' know if your aware or not, but I am tryin' to sleep!" Edward shook his head and sent her a glare.

"Shh, Ellie. Mommy and Daddy are doing adult things right now." Edward whispered. _We were doing __**adult things **__earlier; right now we are just being nosey. I was happier with our former activities._ "Go lie down honey."

"Come on, pumpkin." I swung her little body into my arms, settling her on my hip. "I'll take you to bed."

"You shouldn't eawesdrop. It's not nice. I'm gonna' tell on you." She told me seriously, she poked my nose disappointedly.

"Who are you going to tell?" I asked.

"Daddy."

"He was doing it too!"

"So?"

"What's the point of telling on me?"

"So you won't eawesdrop anymore."

"You know what? When you learn how to say _eavesdrop_ then you can tell on me. Okay?"

"Okay, eawesdrop." She looked me dead in the eye and then looked over my shoulder, "Daddy!" she called.

"Shh! What are you doing?"

"I said it. I'm telling."

"You did not!"

"I did to the best of my ability. I'm five." _Oh so she can pronounce ability correctly but she can't enunciate the 'v' in eavesdrop?_

"No I said, say it right. You can't find any imaginary loophole in that."

"I am not tying my shoes." She raised her eyebrows at me and rolled her neck.

"What?"

"I'm not even wearing shoes."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm done with you." She said after I placed her in the bed.

"Don't speak to me that way Ellie." I said in all seriousness. She looked at her hands in her lap.

"Sorry. I was woken up. You know I need my sleep…" She mumbled, I rolled my eyes, placed a kiss on her forehead and tucked her in.

Once I closed her room door and entered the hallway Edward spoke, "It was nothing, Leah is already back inside with Jacob." I nodded.

"Edward… about earlier." He put his hand up and I glared at him.

_He did not…_

"It was nothing. We both should have shown more restraint. It won't happen again; we obviously missed something important due to our… hormones-"

"Oh please."

"We are here to do a job, so that nonsense will have to… not… happen." He said sternly as he stared at my boobs. I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time and pointed at my face. He gestured to the door and I walked in in front of him. I could feel his eyes on my ass.

"Oh I meant to show you something." Edward muttered, he went to one of his suit cases and pulled out a shiny black object, he went and sat on the bed, patting the seat comforter next to him, inviting me to sit. And I did.

"They didn't have a picture on file for us to see, when we first started…" He touched the thing multiple times until a picture of a young shirtless guy popped onto the screen.

"Edward… I don't want to see your porn collection…" I hit the button with a house on it at the bottom of the tablet thing.

He swatted my hand away, "It's not porn… I don't download that kind of stuff onto work related technology." I laughed at his blatant admission to downloading porn.

"This would be James Hunter, he is obviously older now. This was a mug shot from when he was caught for doing something of little importance awhile back." I tilted the tablet up so that I could see the guy on the screen. My eyebrows furrowed as I recalled where I had seen him before.

"What's wrong?" He used his first finger to turn my shocked expression on him.

"Edward, he was at the block party."

"Are you sure it was him?" I nodded quickly.

"He ran into me… made my crutch fall." Edward shook his head.

"How did I not notice him?"

"Calm down, we didn't know what he looked like… Leah was talking to him! Ah fuck…" I let my head fall onto his shoulder. "We fucked up."

"It'll be okay. Take Leah with you, Ellie and Alice, today. I'll find a way to occupy Jacob. From now on we spend as much time as possible with them." I nodded and sat up reaching for my cell phone.

I dialed Leah's number; her frantic voice picked up on the third ring.

"Bella? I'm sorry about the noise. I-" I heard Jacob scream and she covered the speaker but I heard her muffled scream back. "I am, um yeah I'm sorry we will tone it down. Jacob!" She screamed and something crashed in the background. I was afraid things were escalating despite Edwards assurance earlier. I hung up the phone and jumped out of the bed.

"What?"

"I'm going over there."

"Bella-" I shook my head and shrugged on my coat, "Fine, but I'm coming."

"What about Ellie?"

"She's asleep and we'll only be next door, besides and can't let my weakling-female partner go in alone, can I?"

"You ever seen a squirrel kick a tree in half? Cause that's gonna be me and you, if you don't chill with that." He cocked his head to the side.

"A squirrel kick a tree…?"

"Shut up. You know I have issues with early morning's…" I whined, I tugged on his hand and we quickly exited our humble abode heading over to Leah's.

Once we got there I knocked twice. The door swung open to reveal a red eyed Jacob and a smashed to shit house.

"What?" He sneered.

"We were jus-" Edward put his hand out to stop me, stepped up and puffed out his chest.

"We want to know what's going on here."

"Why don't you two stop being so fucking nosey." Jacob growled. It was my turn to speak, I swatted Edwards chest and he stepped back.

I walked up in his face until he almost had to go cross eyed to see me, "What the fuck is going on? Where is Leah?" Jacob opened his mouth and curled his lip at me and I stopped him, "You know what? Don't answer that. Because if you say something even _remotely_ jackass-ish, I am going to make your ass my foot's new residence, capiche?" I put my hand up and pushed past Jacob.

"Hey, hey! You touch her and I break you. Got me?" I heard Edward threaten from the door, I smiled to myself and then skipped up the staircase.

Leah must have heard the bedroom door open because when I stepped in she started to speak, "I got you, Jackass. I am leaving your ass." I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Leah?" I said softly. She spun on me glaring daggers and then her gaze softened.

"I'm sorry I thought you were Jake." She whispered, I went to her and embraced her in a hug.

"What's going on?"

"I'm so done with all of this…" She sniffed.

"Well don't make any rash decisions, okay? You can stay with Edward and I. Give Jacob sometime to cool down." I offered she nodded. "Then in the morning you can go to Port Angeles… or wherever to the aquarium, alright?" She nodded. I let go of her long enough to grab some of the shit off of the ground throwing it into a bag, for her to wear in the morning. I grabbed her hand and led her down the steps where Edward and Jake were having a conversation that looked much like the one Leah and I had just had, minus the hugs and invitation.

"You two obviously need a break, so Leah is going to stay with us for a while, okay?" Jacob nodded and Edward patted his back. Leah slipped out of the door without saying goodbye, I waved goodbye to Jacob and grabbed Edward's hand pulling him out of the door too.

"The door's open," I called to Leah who had been waiting on our porch, she nodded and turned pushing the door open and rushing in.

Edward ended up moving a sleeping Ellie into his usual sleeping place on the recliner. After getting Leah situated I settled in to be next to Edward.

"You have to- you know… in case Leah comes in." I whispered uneasily, Edward just shrugged and pulled me towards him until my back was flush against his chest. His arm was draped over my waist and I fiddled with his fingers after deciding that I wouldn't be able to sleep with him being so close.

"What are you doing?" I shrugged and Edward pulled his hand from mine and get out of the bed.

It was my turn to ask that same question only a minute later when I heard his clothes hit the ground.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm hot. You don't want me to overheat do you?" I didn't reply and he crawled back into bed, his now naked chest pressing against me. I think I came right there, but I tried to play it off and pushed him away.

"Don't be childish. Come here." His arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me against his warm chest.

"Agh… I don't want your twenty one sex babies!" He laughed and buried his face into my neck.

"Sex babies?"

"STD's Edward. How do you not know all of the street lingo for something you have?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't have any STD's how many times are we going to go over this?" I shook my head laughing as I recalled that late night conversation we had after his first day of work.

"You're warm."

"You're close." I replied.

"I thought you wanted to be satisfied." He said, too, referring to the conversation that night.

"Oh I do but I would rather my satisfaction not come with 24/7 burning and itching."

He pulled me tighter to him and I noticed a lack of something, "Are you naked?"

"What would you say if I am?"

"I would say, I don't put out so easily."

"You don't want to consummate our marriage?"

"I consummated our marriage five years ago when you seeded me with the beautiful child next door." I felt his smile grow against my neck. "Oh and if you really are naked I'm going to have to ask you to back the fuck up."

"It's just like really being married, with you."

"I am serious." There was a part of me that wanted to find out myself if he was naked.

"I'm wearing clothes." He grabbed my hand dragging it down the side of his toned torso until it met the fabric of boxers. "Told you," He entangled his fingers with my own and laid our hands in front of me.

He quickly fell asleep and I found myself looking at the clock that read _3:01 am_ for the umpteenth time in what felt like weeks, but this time I wasn't as pissed off. Maybe it was because before I wasn't lying across from a beautiful half-naked jackass.

…JCE…

"Look penguins, they are my favowite kind of bird," Elizabeth pointed out. "Can I have one?"

"No, sweetie, they have to stay here where the will have enough people taking care of them."

"I promise I will, can we please have one pwetty pwetty please."

"We can't I'm sorry, Elizabeth, we can get a penguin from the gift shop that is stuffed and life size, so it will be just like having your own real penguin."

"Really, we can?" I nodded and she gave a little celebratory dance.

While she kept her face pressed against the glass of the penguin habitat, Alice and I sat down on the bench, with Ellie in our sight. Leah had stayed in the food court claiming that she was allergic to penguins, so that left Alice and I room to catch up.

"She is too, cute. It's so weird; she looks like you when you were younger."

"Everyone has said that I guess I see it... I don't know about that but Ellie is great. And Edward has done a great job with her, I'll give him that."

"So, what is up with you and your partner, you got married and I wasn't invited I thought I we were closer than that." It was true we were really close, as in her fist to my face close. Alice and I took the same training class, which included fighting. It was the first and we were chosen as the helper for the class, as if we were in kindergarten again. Alice took one right swing, and I lost focus for a split second and it was lights out. I ended up with a fractured nose and a black eye. Alice felt bad that she had hurt me so badly. I told her it was fine, but she insisted that I have her make it up to me. So I made her teach me how to give a right hook like that. We started spending a lot of time in and out of the gym, and before we knew it we were best friends.

"I didn't ask for it, the team thought it would be a good idea, so I had to play along."

"Had to? If that was me I would _want_ to play along, Edward is throw-me-down-on-the-nearest-bed sexy."

He was sexier than that, more like throw-me-up-against-the-pole, or on-the-hood-of-the-car sexy.

"Alice? You do have a faithful husband, you know that right?"

"Yeah, but just because I'm off the market doesn't mean my hormonal thought are." Alice had just come off her honeymoon with Jasper, who had been her boyfriend for three years. "Plus, you know that I am right. He is too sexy."

"You we are in public with children around and it's not the most appropriate thing to talk about how sexy we think a guy is."

"So you think he is handsome?"

"No I do not."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Yeah you are." Alice began to sing "You like him, oh yes you like him. You want to kiss him, you want to hug him, you want to love him." Her new rendition of the song from _Miss Congeniality._

"You are so annoying."

"But you love me anyway, and I'm right." I decided not to answer back. Instead I focused on Ellie. The aquarium workers let some of the kids see a penguin up close, and Ellie was walking like a penguin, and then dancing with the penguin turned into chasing the penguin, which is when I decided it was time to leave the penguin habitat. We went to the gift shop and I got Ellie her penguin as promised.

She struggled to hold the penguin up as it was more than half the size of her small stature.

"Here I'll hold it." I said tucking the penguin under my arm.

"Wait! Don't break my thing." She warned. We arrived back at the food court and when Leah saw us she rapidly ended the call she was making, setting it on the table.

"Are we ready?" She asked us, but her gaze was focused on Ellie, who's gaze was glued to the animal under my arm.

"We are." She nodded and grabbed Ellie's hand.

"You should tell me all about the penguins." Ellie sucked in an excited breath and then rushed out the entire experience. They walked off and I looked over, noticing Leah's phone was still on the table. I picked it up and the screen flashed.

_Jamie_

_1:03:47_

Above the words was a picture of the greasy Jackass from the block party.

_The fuck…_

…JCE...

**Hope you enjoyed! Let's try and make it to… 85? Or more… I'm not picky :D**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hey everybody! Two updates in two days? Yeah, we know… we just love you that much!**_

_**Thanks to: vampirelove11, dazzleglo, ShadesOfPaIe, Kgunter34, kembie, Catbratty, FFFan1664 (Thanks for pointing out our slip up in chapter two! We have gone back and fixed it.) crazy-chick-4life, Twifan1986 and .gotes.**_

_**You ladies make my life!**_

_**For all the alerts and favorites!**_

_**Standard Disclaimer Applies**_

…JCE…

"Alice, I think James, is using Leah," We sat in our living room, looking at the data that I was receiving from Leah's phone. When she had forgotten it in the aquarium I put a transfer chip in it so that all of the information would immediately be sent to me.

"Well, it looks like we are going to have to find out," she took the phone from my hand.

"Figure what out?" Edward walked in with Ellie on his back. They had grass stains from when they were playing outside.

"Ellie, can you go get cleaned up while Edward and I have a little talk?"

"_Ooh_, you're in _trrrroooouuuubbblle_," she giggled.

"He's not in trouble, now go." she walked off without another word.

"Edward did Jacob mention anything today, that just seemed to stick out? Did you talk about Leah?"

"I don't know we talked about a lot of things."

"Edward, you have to think, "Alice commanded. She could be very persuasive. "Did Jacob mention anything about Leah acting out of the norm?'

"He said she has been kind mixed between stressed and really happy. "

"Well, she left her phone on a table at the food court and it had James picture in it, they have been talking to each other for a while. As weeks before we got here."

"What? That can't be true," Alice handed Edward the little black flip phone.

"See for yourself," he opened it up, and browsed through all the data catalogs.

"I can't believe, we have to track him down and figure out for sure that he is using her. Alice do you think Jasper can set up his tracking equipment, in the next hour?" Jasper was an analyst on the team he last worked with, and knew about everything from tracking phone calls to fifty year files.

"We had it up yesterday, I'll call him." She dialed his number and put it on speaker phone.

"Why was it up yesterday?" Edward asked giving her a strange look.

"Probably some kinky spy stuff." I waved it off. Alice and Jasper weren't known for their _vanilla_ sex life.

"You're just jealous 'cause you're not doing kinky spy-" She stopped when Jaspers voice filtered through the speaker.

"Hey. What's up Alice?"

"Jasper we need you to do some data research."

"I'm on it sweet cheeks, just give me a minute to turn the system on." Alice smiled when he called her 'sweet cheeks'. "Okay watcha' need?'

"Well we need you to track some phone calls for us."

"Okay I need the number for that though."

"We have them," Edward intervened. "The first on is 360-555-7861, and the second one is 360-555-9443."

"Well, it looks like these are prepaid phones so it's going to be a little harder to track it, but I think I can give you from up to about three weeks ago…and I've got something. There seems to be a trace of calls and text simultaneously for the last three and half weeks. Now I can't give you the actual information in those text messages, because prepaid phones don't leave as personal traces like plan phones do. Who are these people anyway?"

"Leah Clearwater-Black and James Hunter," I informed him.

"Wait, Leah and James you mean the guy who just got out of prison and your neighbor? There is no way."

"Well we think that James is forcing her to do all of this. So we need to find the location he's staying at and see what we can find."

"On it, Swan. I should be able to track his phone ID number and find that…." There was some clicking in the background, "he is staying at Peninsula Apartments; 210 Fir, Ave, apartment 21-C."

"Thanks Jasper, I'll call you back if we need anything else, but for now could you just search through all documents for anything on her relationship with James?"

"Piece of cake, talk to you later."

The phone clicked and Jasper was gone "Okay, Alice and I will go and check the place out and hopefully James will leave and we'll be able to go in and have enough time to find something about him and Leah."

"Fine, but be careful, your foot hasn't completely healed yet," he warned me

"Yes sir," I uttered back to him, rolling my eyes.

"We should get going; I'll be in the car, Bella." Edward yanked his gun out of his waistband, enabling me to get a glimpse og his well-toned abdomen, I might have moaned. He handed off the smooth device to Alice, who in turn thanked him and walked out the house and Edward and I were alone. I still felt a little uneven with what happened yesterday night. When I say uneven I mean, 'I wish his lips were still pressed to mine'.

"I'm going, see what I can find at the Clearwater- Blacks house, while Ellie is asleep." I nodded and got up.

"I should probably get going." I made sure my gun was strapped safely on my ankle.

"Be safe Bella," I walked out the door, to the car wishing that he would've just wrapped his arms around me and kissed me like he was never going to see me again.

…JCE…

"If we just…" Alice muttered, "Come on boy, get in there…" She whispered to her key in a sultry tone.

"Stop please." I placed my hand over hers and forced the key in. The door gave way and I snatched my gun out of the holster on my ankle.

"So, you and Agent Sex looked pretty cozy this morning." Alice said smirking as she pulled a gun from the waist band of her pants.

"What are you talking about?"

"This morning? Leah let me in and I went into your room to wake you up and you and him seemed… _close._"

"It's just a job, Alice. We have to do it authentically."

"Looked really authentic to me…" She wiggled her eyebrows at me creepily.

"Hey thanks for coming along, Alice. Really glad you're here." I gritted, I sneered at her and she giggled, "Supper psyched you came." I pushed the door open with my foot and was immediately hit with the smell of weed. The small apartment had paint peeling off of the walls, the furniture was haphazardly placed in the room and dirty clothes and Underwear were strewn everywhere.

"This is disgusting." Alice whined I stepped forward and my foot hit something, I looked down and saw it was a sock… that looked stuffed, I crouched down to pick it up when I was hit with the wretched smell emitting from the hole.

"Fucking hell! How fucking old is he? Who jizzes in a sock anymore?" I looked over at Alice's horrified face.

Despite her shock she still managed to mutter, "Probably Agent Sex, since his wife won't put out." She reached down and picked up a slip of paper off of the floor. Her eyes grew wide.

"Bella come here." I headed towards her looked at what was actually a picture. A picture of Leah, James and Victoria. All of them were much younger versions. A loud _beep_ rang out through the room and my gun was pointed to the sound at once. Then Leah's voice rang out.

"Hey Jamie, I'm really sorry I didn't get there in time… just… next time wait for me before you leave. Please answer the phone. I understand that you're angry with me… but I can't get away. He won't let me leave. I love you, Jamie." The machine beeped again and my heart thudded in my chest.

There was a vibration next and I thought I was going to pass out. How much shit is going to make noise while were in here?

The vibration went off three times and I searched for the device making the noise. I slipped on a glove before picking anything up. It's not usual but every once in a while we will come across someone who checks for fingerprints on every fucking surface of their house.

I found an old prepaid Nokia under a couch cushion which smelled like ass.

_Leah_

"What a fuck tard." I muttered.

"Here I jacked this from Jazzy." _What an ugly nick name_… "It's a GPS chip, give me your phone and I'll sync it up."

I gave her a weird look and took the small chip, inserting it into the back of the phone, before sitting it on the table. He obviously wouldn't find it in the couch cushion, seeing as he had left without it this morning… or he just didn't give a fuck about it. I went to the small, rickety kitchen table pushed in a corner and buried under mountains of paper.

I picked up the papers and sifted through them. They were all addressed to a place in Philadelphia; Alice was at my side in a flash.

"What the-" I handed off papers once I finished reading them.

_James,_

_Jacob and I are currently in Forks, Washington. It's a dreary as shit place. I can't take it anymore. To answer your question, no. Jacob is in no way abusive, nor will he ever be. I am just so sick of him. It is a loveless marriage, in which I feel I was forced into. I thought I loved him but my heart remains with you. Now that Vicki is gone, we can finally be together. I guess Jacob is good for something._

_Love,_

_Leah_

The next letter was dated a week later.

_James,_

_I am very sorry. I wasn't aware you and Vicki were so serious. I didn't even know you were married. I am truly sorry for your loss. There is no need to harm Jake; I can leave him without any struggle. Please don't hurt him though._

_Leah_

Yesterday didn't prove to be as easy as she had assumed.

A key rattled in the door. As quickly as possible Alice and I ran into the nearest room. Which happened to be a closet.

_Oh yay._

Who doesn't want to be stuck in a two by four foot closet with a pixie whore, who has some kind of strange infatuation with my 'husband' while, there was possibly, a killer roams around outside of the door?

_Definitely me._

…JCE…

_**Sorry for the cliffie**_

_**Yeah so this isn't one of my favorite chapters… but tell us what you thought! Let's try and get to 90… if we get to 100 we'll post two chapters in a row ;)**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hey guys… so here is the update. Now, I wasn't going to update today due to an anonymous reviewer cheating the system, but I chaged my mind because we did get 100 reveiws**_

_**Thanks to: IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames,**_ _**Farah, Catbratty, Twifan1986, ReeRia, kembie, ClancyJane (Klutz wanted to let you know that your review got her so ridiculously weak she ran into a wall.)**_ _**ohhayllno, Yummy dummy k, Sarah beara, Lemon drop, Coda, Sookie, D, ADADancer, and Vanquish13.**_

_**Thanks Ladies!**_

_**Alerts and Favorites are appreciated as well.**_

_**Standard Disclaimer Applies!**_

…JCE…

"Hello?" A deep voice called. Who enters their own house and asks that question? I wrinkled my nose in c onfusion. Alice peered out of the slits in the door.

"Maintenance!" Alice started whipped her shirt off and ran a hand through her hair.

"Take off your shirt." Alice hissed

"Alice... As flattering as that is, I don't bat for that team…" I blushed she punched me in the stomach, before tearing at the buttons on my shirt. "Whoa there buddy…" She rolled her eyes and yanked the undone shirt over my shoulders. "Kinda' feeling like I am supposed to shout rape right now... but this isn't the most unpleasurable thing I have ever done." I wiggled my eyebrows at her jokingly and she punched me in the stomach.

"I know someone's in here! I hear you!" The man yelled. Alice shoved the closet door, making it give way and she stumbled out dragging me by the hand. Standing in the doorway was a man of short stature. He was balding and looked kind of like Chuy from the 'Chelsea Lately' show, his blue overalls were stained and he had a large gap, which was revealed when his mouth dropped open.

"You think you would knock before barging in on someone. We weren't decent!" She shrieked. I knew she had a little bit of banshee in her. The man winced at her tone and then eyed us. Taking in the 'situation'. He leered at me and the tops of my exposed breasts.

"You two don't live here! A man does… I've seen him…"

"Yeah so what? Is he not a loud to have a bit of company? Seemed to me that he was enjoying our _presence_." She adopted a British accent and I just kind of stared off into space while doing the best to conceal my chest.

"So why don't you stop looking at my girl, and come back tomorrow. We were busy…" She ran her hand along my ass and I almost drop kicked her little ass on impulse. The man backed out of the room slowly.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" He asked slowly.

"No. Just let some random people in this apartment to snoop through James' shit." Alice replied with a head roll. The man nodded, before locking the door, looking her over once more and exiting.

"We need to leave." I mumbled.

Alice looked at me, "You think?" I hurriedly gathered our clothes and began throwing my shirt on. While Alice dressed I pulled out my phone and snapped pictures of the letters. We scurried out of the messy apartment slamming the door behind us. On the way down we passed a blonde man at his mail box, the maintenance man approached him, clapping him on the back and muttered, "Nice."

He turned his confused gaze on the man and I gasped, grabbing Alice's hand to make her stop.

I pointed frantically to him and mouthed 'James'.

Her eyes widened and she mouthed back 'What?' And I realize the wide eyes weren't from shock but immense stupidity.

'That's James.'

Her mouth moved too, mimicking the words I was mouthing, and then she shook her head, 'I'm sorry I'm no good at reading lips.' She mouthed.

_Stupid bitch._

I threw up my hands and pulled her to me, whispering in her ear, "That's James." She turned quickly peeking over her shoulder at the jackass rifling through his mail. "Let's go." She nodded and we walked around James as much as possible.

He didn't even look up as we walked around him, Chuy had long since left, and we were tip toeing around a man who probably thought nothing of our presence. A presence that he was greatly enjoying earlier, as per Alice.

"He did not age well." Alice pointed out as we sat in the car.

"No he did not." I agreed we drove back to the house in relative silence.

…JCE…

"Honey, I'm home!" I called as I opened the door. I had dropped Alice off at her and Jasper's place earlier with a promise that we would meet up at a later date to go over everything. She first needed to read over the rest of the letters with Jasper once the digitally enhanced the shit pictures I took on my phone. Including the picture of the jizz sock. That was my new background thanks to Alice.

Edward rounded the corner wiping his hands on a dish towel and leaned against the wall. _Mmm, the epitome of domestic sexiness._

"You've been gone for quite a while." He said smoothly, made me want to hump his jaw.

"Yeah well that's what happens when you have to sneak into a dirty ass apartment of a killer. What I did today wasn't even legal!" I realized, Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me.

Full.

On.

The.

Lips.

With tongue. My knees buckled and he caught me.

By my ass.

I was about ready to strip down and fuck him right here in the hallway when a throat cleared. I pulled away from him and looked to my right.

_Once again it was all for show._ At our kitchen table sat hot doc and a beautiful woman around his age. She appeared to be the one who cleared her throat and I leaned into Edward whispering.

"Who would have thought you just wanted to kiss your wife, hello?" He pulled back and chuckled.

"Mrs. Facinelli this is my wife Bella. Doctor, I believe you remember her." The doctor chuckled and _shook that fucking head._

He stood from the table, "Oh yes, how could I forget one of the most charming patients I have had in a while?" I stuck out my hand, for a shake… you know, the way normal people do. But Hot Doc stepped it up when he took it and placed a kiss on my knuckles. Would have been a total swoon moment if he hadn't been making fun of me.

"Hey… Doctor Facinelli…" I said awkwardly slow. The woman came and stood next to her husband I was guessing, I stuck my hand out warily this time hoping she wouldn't kiss it too.

I'd had enough girl on girl action for today.

She obviously noticed my apprehension because she laughed and took my hand shaking it.

"Excuse Isabella. She's a little bit socially inept." _He's one to talk._

The doctor laughed and pulled me under his arm, "This Bella? I don't think so. She seemed perfectly fine in my office the other day." I blushed as everyone got a laugh in at my expense.

"Mommy!" Ellie shrieked from her bedroom.

"Be right back." I stepped from under the Hot Docs arm.

"Bella she's just happy your home. Don't go back there, she isn't supposed to be awake." I gave him the bitch brow and he held up his hands, the couple in front of us laughed. I headed towards Ellie's room and wasn't even in her room when she tackled me. Like full out tackled. I busted my ass as I hit the floor, and knocked over a side table and she wrapped her little arms around my neck. She peppered my cheeks with kisses.

"I missed you!" She squealed as she choked the shit out of me with her hug.

"Okay, honey. I missed you too." I gasped as I attempted to pry her little arms from around my neck.

"Ellie! You need to be more careful!" Edward scolded as he helped me sit up. I guessed he came when my trip to her room ended up sounding like a herd of elephants falling over.

She sat on my lap, and continued to hug me whispering, "Daddies been mean to me." I winced as Edwards hand fell upon the small of my back, he noticed and lifted the back of my shirt.

"What'd he do pumpkin?" She shook her head and buried it in the crook of my neck. I reached behind me and slapped his hands away. "Just help me up." I ordered, he gingerly pulled me to my feet and instead of releasing me; Ellie wrapped her legs around my waist.

"I didn't do anything. She is angry because she was put on punishment. You should ask her what _she _did." I took him up on his advice.

"What'd you do, Ellie?"

"I answered the door."

"Without Daddy?" I asked shaking my head. She nodded and looked ashamed.

"That is_ not_ what you're in trouble for, Elizabeth. What did you say to Ms. Facinelli?" She sighed and gave him a cross look before continuing to speak.

"I told her she was pretty," I raised my eyebrows.

"Okay…." I trailed off.

Edward must have glared at her because she shot a pointed glare over my shoulder and continued.

"Then I asked if she was my new Mommy. It was just a joke and she laughed but Daddy got mad. Cause he's a pumpkin head."

"It didn't sound like a joke. She conveniently left out the part where she told Mrs. Facinelli that she was the third one this week."

"She stopped laughing there." Ellie pointed out.

"Third one?" I looked at Edward over my shoulder with the bitch brow firmly in place. Edward threw up his hands and stomped away.

"I was kidding, don't be mad at him. You're my only Mommy." She pressed her warm forehead to my cheek and I kissed it. I think she managed to melt my heart.

"You're my only-"

"Pumpkin!" She pitched in. I nodded and kissed her head again.

"Time for Mommy's only pumpkin to go to sleep!" I sang.

"No…" She moaned, I nudged her bedroom door open and laid her down kissing her once more.

"Goodnight, Honey."

"Nighty night, Mommy." I tucked the comforter in around her and switched on her lava lamp before leaving her roo- scratch that. Before running into a wall.

_It was dark…_

Ellie giggled maniacally and I exited the room as hastily as possible. I returned to the kitchen to see the concerned faces of the doctor and his perfect wife.

"Are you alright, Bella? We heard your fall." She asked I nodded and thanked her for her concern. I sat in a chair next to Edward and scooted as close to him as possible, kissing his cheek and muttering, "I was kidding." He nodded and I twined my fingers with his, on his thigh.

"So where are you two from?"

"Wyoming." Edward said, he played with my fingers and my stomach fluttered because I knew the doctor and his Stepford wife couldn't see that. It was just us.

"Oh that is a lovely place I've been there."

"Oh it's not the state, Wyoming, Ohio." He corrected.

"Oh… never mind." She blushed and I laughed.

"So do you two live close by or is this just a house call?" I said looking at Hot Doc and trying not to make eyes at him. He was beautiful.

"No," he laughed. _I don't know what the fuck he was saying no to. It wasn't a yes or no question._ "We live across the street.

"I haven't seen you all around before," I pointed out.

"Well I've been out of town for a while and Carlisle has an apartment in town, closer to the hospital, he's usually there most of the time."

_Was it wrong for me to assume that he's cheating? Yes? Fuck if I care._

"Oh honey, if you're going to work in the morning we should be going." She pointed out.

He nodded and stood shaking my hand and then Edward's, "It was nice meeting you all. We should get together again."

"Of course," Edward nodded and shook Mrs. Facinelli hand; she then turned and hugged me.

_Yeah… Don't really know her like that…_

I kind of cringed away from her but the relaxed into her hug. We walked them to the door and waved from the doorway.

"See you soon!" She called as she jaywalked with her husband.

I nodded and continued to wave until they were gone. I moved out of the door and Edward closed it before pulling me up into a hug.

"Um…"

"What the hell took you so long?" He asked pulling back and looking me in the eyes. His sharp green colored eyes pierced my own muddy brown ones.

"I was at James' house and we got caught by the maintenance man. No big deal." I murmured. His grip on my waist tightened.

"You were gone for hours. Kind of a big deal." He buried his nose in the crook of my neck and I sighed.

"What are you doing?"

He pulled back. "I don't know." He admitted.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to me so that our noses were touching, "If you want to take this somewhere. I'm all fucking for it. Don't get all weird on me though." I kissed his lips, once twice, three times and he pulled back.

"If we do this we can't just drop the case." I nodded and kissed him again while he continued to try to speak.

Can you blame me? He is fuck hot and so very lucky that I haven't already fucked him on the floor.

"Seriously, Bella if we can't contain ourselves l-long enough to focus on our jobs, I'm n-not going to continue with this," I kissed down his neck, god he had no clue how much I had been holding back.

"Stop talking and kiss me." He obeyed me and fused his lips with mine; he groped my ass and pushed me against the door.

Then he fell.

Ellie stood above him clutching her teddy bear. She had hit him in the back of both of his knees.

"You don't hurt, Mommy!" She screamed. I dropped to my knees, with tears streaming down my face.

_Funniest shit ever._

"Edward she _dropped _your ass._" _I tossed my head back. And he yanked Ellie onto his chest. Blowing raspberries on her cheek, she giggled and called out to me. I pulled her out of Edwards grasp and she clung to me, giggling like mad. Edward pulled me to him and kissed my lips.

"Ew." Ellie groaned. She pushed our faces away and held us apart.

"Aren't you supposed to be prof-en-imal?"

"Professional? Goodnight, Ellie."

She poked Edward in the nose. "Keep your hands off my Mommy."

"_Good_night, Ellie!" He said tensely before swooping her up under his arm and taking her off to bed.

…JCE…

Hope you enjoyed and had some laughs!

Review! They are so greatly loved that I lose my mind! And klutz runs into things… Or falls off of chairs, stools and other objects that aren't moving… But that's a different story for a different time… :D Lets shoot for 120! I know you guys can do it!

Also… Klutz and I are thinking about changing the summary to something a little bit more interesting… It can be a quote or something straight out of your ass we would appreciate any help you give and will give you credit for your input! Thanks!


	11. Chapter 11

_**So the reason this update is A) in the middle of the night 2) almost a day late and P.s.) so… strange is because of you all. You ladies have sent Klutz and I into happy comas and we just woke up in time to write this. :D**_

_**Thank you for all the reviews! They mean the world!**_

_**Thanks to: Farah, lust516, melissamary55, alc1002 , lyricalgirl0521 , ClancyJane (You and your dream had klutz and I DYING too funny!) totes . mah . gotes (It's all there! Hopefully :D) crazy-chick-4life, 3, ADADancer, kembie, ShadesOfPaIe , kelliekinz , IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, Twifan1986 . Ya'll are all so dag on sweet I gots a cavity! :D**_

_**Oh I wanted to clear something up just in case, Ellie was completely joking about the Esme being her third Mom. Bella is the only Mom she knows of. If you have any questions tell me in your review and I will attempt to answer all of them!**_

_**Hope you enjoy! **_

…JCE…

"_Wait something happened it's all gone…" Edward said gently holding up my phone._

"_It won't bite you, Edward. You must have pressed the home button."_

"_What is this?" I put down the jacket I was folding and looked over his shoulder. The picture prominently displayed was James' jizz sock._

"_A sock." He pulled me into his lap and held the phone up in front of me. _

"_I know that but what's in it." I shrugged and he sighed._

"_Did you see the messages from her to James?" I diverted his attention._

"_Yeah, what the hell is her issue? I thought that James was out for Leah because of Victoria, you know eye for an eye. But he said he wouldn't hurt Jacob and James and her seem so involved that he wouldn't hurt her."_

"_He said he wouldn't hurt Jacob. That doesn't mean he won't though."_

_A kiss was placed at the base of my neck, and I shivered and attempted to ignore it. "We need to find out what his motive is- Oh fuck, Edward…." An open mouthed kiss landed under my ear. "What are you doing we can't- dear goodness…" His hand slid up my abdomen until they rested under my breast. My head fell back onto Edwards shoulder and he kissed up my jaw._

"_Maybe we should forget about the case for a while, Bella." Edward moaned in my ear before gently taking it between his teeth. I then noticed our position. I was sitting cross legged in front of Edward was fully pressed against my back. "I've wanted you for so fucking long. Let me have you." His hand slid under my tank top and he groped my breast. A wet warmth seeped from in between my legs, coating my thighs._

What the fuck was going on?

"_Take me, Edward!" I exclaimed, could I get anymore cliché?_

_All of the sudden I was lying flat on the bed with him above me, his lips hungrily crashed against mine. "What about Ellie?"_

"_At Alice's." He simply replied, his hand drifted down my leg until he was at the back of my knee, once he was there he pulled the limb up over his waist and grinded into me roughly. "So fucking sexy…"He pulled up long enough to tear off his shirt and mine, leaving me in a fairly unappealing black bra. He leaned down and nuzzled his head between my breasts._

"_Dear god, Edward…" He kissed down my stomach before unbuttoning my pants and yanking them off. My arousal was so painfully evident, as he gazed down on my drenched panties and looked up at me from between my legs. He was so beautiful, his eyes twinkled with lust._

"_I am going to make you feel so good." He started to kiss my arousal drenched thighs, and yet, I couldn't help but snicker._

"_It's 'well', Edward." What the fuck? Why would I say that he was about to get to the good stuff! He sat back on his haunches and raised an eyebrow at me._

"_Are you serious?"_

"_Ignore me. I can't help my dumb fuck tendencies." I murmured, I got on my knees in front of him and wrapped my hands in his hair fusing my lips with his. He was tense for a moment before he gave into the kiss wrapping his arms around my waist. I loosened my hand in his hair and used it to pop open the button fly of his pants, letting his arousal spring free and knock against my hand. I pushed him onto his back and rode the fuck out of him._

"_Fuck yes." I moaned, "Edward…" he was staring at my breasts as I dry humped him._

_He moaned in my ear, and then whispered, "_The fuck?"

"_What's wrong?" His hardness pressed against my ass, and I looked down at him in front of me…_

_What? How was that possible, I wasn't even sitting on him._

"Dear god… Isabella._" His words sounded loud. Why was he screaming at me?_

"_Say my name!" I groaned and grinded against him._

"Oh _fuck._" He grinded harder on my ass, and I looked down again, and saw my sweaty shirt. _I wasn't wearing a shirt before_… Edwards hand pressed against the cooch and he pressed his dick against me as hard as possible. My eyes fluttered back open.

_Fuck. The best part of my two weeks here would be a fucking dream. _I frowned and felt a wetness between my legs… as well as a hand. Which belonged to Edward.

"_Oh my god!_" I screamed and I shot up, he looked ashamed but the tent in his pants said he enjoyed what had just happened.

"Shh! Ellie is sleeping!"

"I just fucked your hand and you're thinking about a _five year old_?" My face went up in flames and I covered my red apple red cheeks.

"Way to make me sound like a pedophile, Bella."

I didn't reply for I was trying to suffocate myself, he through his leg over my hip and hovered above my waist as he attempted to pry the pillow out of my grasp.

"No you don't! If you kill yourself, they will blame me," He muttered gently tugging at the pillow. I wrapped my legs around him and flipped us so that I was on top. According to my dream I _really_ liked being on top of him. I pushed the pillow onto his smiling face and he bucked his hips into mine.

"Oh _god._" I moaned. This was good. This was _very _good. He easily removed the pillow off of his face while I practically dry humped him. I just can't get enough of him.

"You know, Bella. If you wanted to fuck me you could have just asked. You didn't have to attempt to take advantage of me when I was sleeping." I slapped his chest and moved off of him

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Oh but I do. Or at least that's what you said."

"When'd I say that?"

"When you were moaning my name like a bitch in heat." Hell I _am_ a bitch in heat. I haven't gotten laid in what? A few months… years?

"You seriously suck." I groaned, he wrapped an arm around my waist and I sneered at him.

He kissed my neck and I assumed he would say something sweet when he muttered, "Well if you are done molesting me for the day, I need to get dressed." I turned and shoved him off of the bed

…JCE…

"Yeah we get it Emmett, we're sorry," I kept telling him again and again over the phone. I sat on the couch sorting out info Jasper printed out for me about James. Emmett was yelling at me for not getting father in the case than what we got, I obviously couldn't tell him everything without evidence to back it up.  
>"Seriously, Bella what are you doing out there, it's not a vacation. Bella I gave you a chance against everyone else's word and you're making me look stupid."<br>"I GET EMMETT! I've just gotten a little distracted it won't happen again, I promise I won't let you down."  
>"You better not."<br>"I know I won't, from now on-," I heard the other end click and Emmett was gone. Edward entered the house with mail.  
>"Hey, what was that? I heard you screaming... And it wasn't my name this time." I glared at him and he grinned cheesily at me.<br>"Jackass. It was Emmett, he's just on our asses about getting farther in this case."  
>"Well, I guess you should start by keeping your hands off of me," he chuckled but I got up and went into the other room "Bella it was a joke." He followed me into the bedroom and I ignored him, folding the clothes in the basket on the bed. "Seriously it was a joke," I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. "I didn't mean it, I'm sorry that I freaked out earlier, but we do have to have our limits."<br>"I know, it's not even that. I hate letting Emmett down and I feel like we haven't gotten anywhere.'  
>"How about this, we start talking to Jasper about all the info he found on Leah and James and we will go from there?" I nodded and he kissed my cheek.<br>The next three weeks was dedicated to sorting out everything to do with James and Leah. It turned out that James was in charge of a major cocaine distributing company that still was going on. We started tracking down all location of possible cocaine distributing sites. James had money and knew how to use it, in the past three years he has cancelled and transferred money onto seventy credit card accounts, but they weren't his. He would use identity thief, transfer the money of that card quickly to another account and when that card was canceled, by the actual owner, he would move onto the next. The thing was these cards were hard to track, James was known for fake names, and he purchased the more important stuff with cash. It was also filled with mucho sexy sex with Agent Sex.  
><em>Not really.<br>I wished it was though._  
>If James was planning on hurting Jacob, we wouldn't even know how. Alice and I decided we would have to go back to the apartment and see what we find and we would have to do it soon.<p>

…JCE…

"Whatcha' workin' on, Mommy?" Ellie asked furrowing her eyebrows as she came and sat on my lap. I shuffled the papers around on instinct, despite the fact that she can't read. She inspected the papers as if she could though and I waited for her reaction.

She pushed the paper away from her and looked over her shoulder at me, "That stuff is boring. Wanna swing wif me?" She bounced up and down on my lap and I shook my head.

"No, pumpkin. I have work to do here. Maybe later." She gave me the bitch brow and I shot one back. She huffed and hopped off of my lap.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up to answer it. When I yanked the door open I was met with a vibrating pixie holding up a file.

"They are going to kill him." She stated, she pushed the file into my hand and entered the house.

Little footsteps thundered up to me and I turned to look at Ellie.

"Oh so you can play wif her?" She shouted pointing at Alice.

"Ellie! To your room."

"You always put me in my room! It's like jail! Minus the soap on the rope!" She screamed running off. I debated on going after her but Alice decided for me, pulling me into the kitchen.

"Your kid is funny." She deadpanned.

"Bella, they fucking know about you and Edward." I raised an eyebrow and decided to hold out on my flip the fuck out moment.

"What?"

"They don't want to make a move until they know for sure that you're off of Leah and Jacobs case. Jacob said that from you and Edward's phones you can't find old messages that were sent. He found some messages that were sent the day of the block party and they aren't too promising. They don't know that you are the five-oh but they do know something's up." She pushed two papers towards me.

**We need to be more careful.**

_Why do you say that?_

**Your neighbors**

_What about them?_

**They're paying a little too much attention...**

_No they aren't. They're just concerned._

**What would they have to be concerned about?**

_Jake and I_

**They know that something's up with you.**

_They most likely just think I'm cheating_

**Rightfully so.**

_I know_

**I am fed up with this, Leah. **

_What?_

**With your neighbors being up your ass I'm going to need you to take care of him.**

_I tried he won't let me leave._

**Then I'll take care of him.**

_Fine. But don't hurt him_

**No promises. **

_We can be together without you hurting him._

**Doubt it. **

_I don't want you getting in trouble. _

**I won't get in trouble**

_You don't know that!_

**Who's gona get at me? The cripple or the pretty boy?**

_Just watch out._

**Whatever.**

I sighed, "Well, Ali-pie. Looks like the hubs and I will be going on vacation. To your house." She cocked an eyebrow at me.

Ellie seemed to pop up out of nowhere. "Now you're leaving me at home?" She screamed, I rolled my eyes as I looked over at her and then realized she was really upset.

"No honey, you're coming too." I pulled her into my lap and she put her thumb into her mouth, I gently tugged it out.

"Don't do that, pumpkin." She frowned at me, she had begun to be a bitch lately.

_Too much time around me I guess._

"Ellie what's wrong?" She shrugged and Alice snapped her fingers at me and when I looked up Ellie interrupted her.

"You know what? That's rude." She scolded.

"You're rude." Alice shot back like the genius she is.

"Bed wetter."

"Oh please, you're still in diapers."

"No, I'm not."

"Are too."

"I am not. Unlike some people I don't like to sit in my pee!" She squeaked.

"Somebody needs a bottle." Alice said poking out her lip in mock sympathy.

"You look like my Barbie doll." Ellie pointed out.

"Thanks…"

"Yeah I had to cut her hair off, so she went from Danielle to Daniel. I needed another boy." She bit.

"Okay enough." I cut in. Alice was not going to win this one, but she was a persistent fuck.

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

"I hate you because you're a whore." My eyes widened and Alice's did too before she looked down at her papers again.

_Told you she wouldn't win._

…**JCE…**

_**Hope you had a few laughs!**_

_**Note: Neither klutz nor I hate whores.**_

_**Review! Lets try and get to… One hundred and fifty? Yeah you ladies are awesome and we've reached our review goal twice in a row! Let's shoot for three!**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Oh you ladies are the loves of our lives! Thanks to : kelliekinz, alc1002, kembie, ClancyJane, melissamary55, Hope Edwards, Kgunter34, crazy-chick-4life, wackynicolecsu, lust516, BelovedSunshine, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames, Catbratty , totes. mah. Gotes, MaryMary123, and dazzleglo.**

**To my readers who have constantly reviewed, you are the reason we do our best to update at least every two days! Same goes to new readers who review every chapter on their way to the last one posted. Mwah! To alls of ya's!**

**Thanks for the story alerts and favorites too!**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

…JCE…

"Well isn't this… domestic." Edward muttered giving me a strange look as I fiddled with the button's on the stove, Ellie sat at the table coloring on something, probably the wooden surface of the rickety thing. He dropped the mail onto the table next to Ellie, before kissing her cheek.

He came up and wrapped an arm around my waist before kissing my neck, "What are you making?"

"I'm not cooking, Jackass." He sniffed over my shoulder and recoiled. "I'm boiling my tooth brush. Ellie dropped it on the plunger."

"So funny." Ellie muttered from behind me.

_This is why I never had kids._

That and my having children is probably illegal in 48 states. I agree with those states though. The world doesn't need any more Bastard Bella's running around.

"Where have you been?"

"Staff meeting, Baby. I didn't know they were going to be out so late, sorry."

"Mhm."

Edward laid a kiss on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing?"

"What?" He asked as I slipped out of his arms and moved the pan off of the hot eye.

"Why are you so touchy feely today?" I snapped.

"Are you on your period?" We locked eyes.

"Are you looking to get punched in the balls?"

"Why are you being such a bitch?"

"Why are you acting like this is new?" I cocked an eyebrow. All of the sudden a little hand was thrust between us.

"You said a cuss word."

Edward shook his head, "Not now, Ellie."

"Don't play me, Daddy. I want my money." He broke his gaze and knelt down in front of her.

"Ellie, what's wrong with Mommy?"

"Her and Aunt Alice got banned from the grocery store." He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that."

"And her Mommy is coming to visit!" His eyes widened and she bounced on her toes.

"Didn't you _just_ talk to Emmett about focusing on the case?" I put a hand up and he used it to help stand up. "What happened between then and now?" He was almost screaming and I was about an inch away from slapping him.

"If you don't stop fucking yelling at me I am going to break your nose. I didn't invite her here! " I

"Stop! Or I am going to draw a picture of you guys arguing and show it to my teacher. Then she'll make you come in and talk about your ma-li-tawh problems."

"If Bella doesn't get banned from the school first." Edward muttered, Ellie slapped his stomach. "Seriously, what is your fucking problem!"

I slipped past both of them and my stomach tossed and turned. My fucking mother was visiting. I hadn't seen her in… years. She would decide to pop up right when everything was going down. Now Em and Edward were pissed at me and convinced I was fucking up the case. Once I made it to the room I slammed the door shut and locked it. Edward's footsteps soon thundered through the hall as he chased after me. My eyes started to tear up and I put my back to the door, sinking down its surface until I met the ground.

Only a few select people have seen me cry and I was damn determined to make sure Edward didn't join that list. Crying showed a weakness and I was anything but weak.

"Bella… " I heard a thump against the door and I buried my head in my knees.

"Mommy?" Ellie knocked against the door and I felt bad for locking her out. He could sit out there and shit on himself for all I care.

"Why are you so mean?" She asked Edward, "There is a _reason_ I haven't had a Mommy and then she comes along and you scream at her?"

"Not now, Ellie."

"She's crying!"

"I am not!" I protested trying to regulate my breathing, but it still skipped every once in a while.

"Baby, open the door." He pleaded.

"Don't call me that." I huffed.

"Please, Honey?"

"Even worse."

"Damn it Bella!" He groaned. There was a loud smack and Edward gasped while Ellie giggled.

"You _won't _pay me. But you _will _stop cussin'!" She continued to cackle and he roared something about her being grounded.

"Bella?"

"What?"

"What's going on?" There was some shifting on his end and then I heard his body weight slide to the ground much like mine had earlier.

"I am sorry I made you cry, Baby." I lied; I loved when he called me that.

"I'm not crying." I lied, wow I was on a roll.

"Open the door."

"I can hear you just fine from here." I muttered. "I know. I'm forever fucking this case up."

"No you aren't. It's unfortunate that your mother is choosing now to come. And why couldn't you just tell her to come later?"

"I haven't seen her in three years…" I trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.

"I fucked up even before I knew she was coming. What kind of boring old house wife races shopping carts in the middle of the grocery store with a midget and gets kicked out?"

"You aren't a boring old housewife." I laughed with him when he said this. I stood and opened the door for him, he was still leaning on it when it opened though so he fell on his back. I hovered above his waist and hugged his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist before soon trying to push me away. I tightened my arms around his neck until he went red in the face.

"Don't fucking yell at me _ever again_." I released him and he gasped for air.

"When is your mother coming?"

"She said she'd be here in five hours when I talked to her … she was somewhere in Canada."

"When was that?"

"Four hours and fifteen minutes ago." He was on his feet in a flash and pulling me up too.

"We need to clean this place up."

"No we don't this is probably the nicest place she has visited in years." I smirked he wrapped his arms around my waist again and kissed down my neck.

"Well then. I say we pretend the last ten to fifteen minutes didn't just happen." He sucked lightly on my neck and gropped my ass. I placed my hands on his cheeks and nodded as I brought his lips to mine. He awkwardly carried me to the bed and never released me as we fell together. He grabbed my leg behind the knee and hitched it around his waist.

"Get him, Mommy!" Ellie screamed, Edwards head dropped onto my shoulder and I peeked over his at the little girl throwing punches in the air from the door way.

"Yeah jackass." I feigned anger and pushed him off of me.

"Mommy there is a lady at the door. She smells like weed and flowers." I sighed and frantically straightened myself out as Edward questioned Ellie on why she knew what weed smelled like.

"Bella just go, you look beautiful. Okay?" I nodded and headed towards the door. Once I opened it I realized that she actually did smell like weed and flowers. She pulled me into a hug as soon as she saw me

"Look at my _Baby_!" She squealed. I felt the stench of the weed being sucked up by my hair and clothes.

"Hi, Mom." I said less than enthusiastic, she pulled away from me and looked me up and down.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Well you call me on your way here and tell me you are coming and I have abso- fucking- lutely know time for anything. Oh and you just pop out of the fucking blue after three years."

"Honey, forgive and forget… forgive and forget." A big dude carrying bags approached her and she turned to him laying a hand on his chest. "Bella this is Phil." I was about to go bat shit crazy but decided not to due to the fact that I had a five year old, albeit one too old for her age, in the bedroom.

I invited them in and kicked one of Ellie's toys out of the doorway, it just happened to be the one who's hair she butchered and named after Alice.

"Bella aren't you a little old for Barbie's?"

"Aren't you a little old for him?" I gestured to Phil, immensely grateful because she didn't introduce him as 'Uncle Phil' as she did all of her other boyfriends when I was younger. I had always wondered why she was banging her many and endless amount of brothers…

She tsked at me and Ellie darted around the corner, followed by a frazzled looking Edward, "Sorry, she was admant about getting the god damned doll." He swooped her up over his shoulder once she had gotten the Barbie and exited the foryer. I rocked back onto my heels… Yeah I didn't know how the whole 'hey Mom, I'm married now with a kid' conversation was going to go but I didn't expect to start that way. I looked up to my Mom and stepped out of the doorway. She walked in and looked completely unphased by what had just happened. She was most likely too high to notice.

"Hey bud," I said to Phil, he had to have been somewhere around my age. "I know she's too high to remember any of this, but you don't smell like weed so listen up. Do _not _smoke in my fucking home. If that little girl, you just saw, ever comes to me, smelling like weed, I will make your balls into a new chandelier. Got me?" He nodded and cupped himself.

"The little girl lives here?" Mom asked, I looked at her and shot a very pointed look out of the picture window, next to her, which revealed the play set out back.

"Yes she lives here…" Mom laughed and I scrunched up my nose at her.

"I've got to say Belly, you do have some interesting roommates."

"Ren… I don't think they are roommates." I nodded at him.

She rolled her eyes, "Then what would they be?" She asked airily.

"Weed is making you stupid as shit. Realized that?" I asked, she shrugged. "That would be my husband and our daughter." She stared at me for a second with her mouth open.

Before laughing _hysterically_.

"Oh, you got me. A little April fool's prank on Momma." When have I _ever _called her 'Momma'?

"Yeah, but its October." She laughed again and then sobered up.

"Listen honey, I am high as a kite right now. So give me some time to sleep it off?"

"Whatever, Mom. Goodnight." She popped up from her seat when I stood and hugged me tightly again.

"Oh I've missed you!" She laughed; I backed away from her and waved at Phil. I headed back to the Bedroom and found Edward in the recliner flipping through papers.

He looked up at me and I almost moaned like a whore on Benadryl, "I didn't know you wore glasses." Dear goodness, he looked good in them too. The black of the frames made his green eyes pop. I knelt by the side of the recliner and rested my head on his shoulder. He turned and kissed the top of my head.

"How's it going with your mom?" I shook my head.

"Delightfully well." I deadpanned. "She showed up high as fuck, so I'm going to try again tomorrow."

"Sorry, Baby." I shrugged and he tossed the papers aside before patting his lap, I hurried into it, wanting to be as close to him and his _glasses_, I mean sexiness. I kissed his lips before resting against his shoulder again.

"Once she leaves we should stay with Alice and Jasper for a while." He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Why do you say that?"

"Leah and James decided that once we back the fuck off, they would go in for the kill."

"So you want us to leave… so that they can kill Jacob?" I patted his cheek and 'tsked'.

"Listen, honey. It's really not that complicated. Alice isn't that far away. Once they notice that we don't come home they'll make an attempt." His mouth opened in an 'o' shape and I nodded.

He yawned in my ear and I wrapped my hands around his. Not ten minutes later I drifted off in his arms.

…JCE…

**Hope you enjoyed and/or had some laughs!**

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	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! They mean a lot!**

**Thanks to: storyluvr12, alc1002, totes. mah. Gotes, dazzleglo, Shizara, vampiregurl,** **melissamary55 , kelliekinz , kembie, IzzyLuvs Emmett-Eames , crazy-chick-4life , Twifan1986, ClancyJane, BelovedSunshine, and ADADancer. You all make our lives :D**

**I hope you enjoy and as for Ellie knowing what weed smelled like your questions shall be answered :D**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

…**JCE…**

I woke in the bed It was late about 3 'o' clock. I head a crunching noise from the front room I went into the kitchen to find my mom rummaging through the cupboards; Ellie was in the kitchen seat half way asleep. She had almost all of our junk food out on the counter.

"Mom what the hell are you doing?" I picked up Ellie who shifted around on my shoulder.

"I got a little hungry and I went into girl's room and asked her if she was hungry and she said yes."

"She isn't hungry, she is sleepy, and you can't even cook." I pointed out.

"I was lonely and Phil didn't want to wake up, I needed company. The kid was the best I could do."

"One, she her name is Ellie, two you're a grown ass woman so start acting like it. Buddy system doesn't apply with adults. I am okay with you staying here but don't go through my shit and like this is your home. I had to live with it before and I'm not doing it again. Lastly, I may have had to go through with your screwed up… whatever the hell is wrong with you, but I will not let you do that with Ellie, I didn't let you mess up my life and I'm not going to let you mess up hers."

"If you didn't want me here you could just say so."

"It's not that I don't want you here," even though it was "I just need you to start acting responsible while you here."

"I will try." She rolled her eyes, and she pissed me off so I rolled mine.

"How long are you staying here by the way?"

"Belly don't be so pushy, I'm only staying today and part of tomorrow, I should be gone by tomorrow night."

"Good. Could you clean all this up and go back to sleep please?"

"Sure," I took Ellie back to her bedroom and made sure my mom put up everything before I went back to my bed. I tried to slip back into bed without him noticing, but it failed.

"Hey what are you doing up?" he put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, and nuzzled his nose into my neck.

"I had to check on my mom, she is acting chaotic as usual. I really wish she wasn't here its hard enough to keep focus without having to worry about babying her."

"Have you never gotten along with your mom?"

"Oh hell no, she has always been irresponsible, and my dad and I have never been able to count on her, my dad didn't want to get a divorce because he was to worried about what would happen, but he knew he had to. Then she shows up with this Phil character, who I just think is along for the ride."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is that why you do this kind of thing?"

"Do what kind of stuff?"

"Helping people, making sure they are safe?"

"Yeah I guess so; it's nice to give someone something that I never had. That and I love kicking a guy's ass."

"Do you think you can win in a fight with me?"

"Oh, yeah I learned from Alice," he chuckled into my neck and kissed it gently.

"Huh that's pretty sexy," I turned to face him and sunk my cheek into his chest. He played with my hair and started to hum a peaceful song that I couldn't make out. I kept listening until my mind started to wander as I fell asleep.

…**JCE…**

Morning came too quickly and I left from Edward warm embrace to go cook breakfast for everyone, Ellie had already been up and heard me coming out into the hallway.

"Mommy where are you going?" she whispered with her head popped outside her bedroom door.

"I'm gonna cook everyone breakfast, you wanna come help?"

"Yeah!"

"Ssh, Ellie we gotta be quiet everyone else is still sleeping," she nodded and we went into the kitchen and got everything to make waffles bacon and eggs.

"Like this mommy?"

"Ellie, as much as I love the shells in my eggs I don't think everyone else does."

"Okay I will make you batch of eggs separate with shells and evewyone else will just have eggs with no shell," I gave her a clean bowl and new eggs.

"How about we make everyone a treat. Eggs with no shells?"

"Okay," she smashed the egg on the edge and it crumbled in her hand.

"Ellie, come here," I took her to the sink put the egg down the disposal and washed her hands off. "Has daddy ever taught you how to crack an egg?"

"No, he's crap at cooking breakfast like how you are at baking. We usually had cereal or just went out to a diner on the weekends."

"Well I think it's time for you to learn," I walked her through and we smashed the next two eggs but by the third time she it and she did her usual celebratory dance and this time I joined in.

We finished breakfast and started to clean up and I started to realize something, as we were tag teaming on the dishes.

"Ellie?" I asked

"Ellie isn't here right now but please leave your name, number, and a message after the beep."

I was fully ready to leave a message, but then I realized something. "…Where's the beep?"

"Well I don't need you filling up my voicemail with stupid calls. I have important people to get to."

"Well this is important."

"What is it?"

"How do you know what weed smells like."

"There was that one guy at the block party who smelled the same way as the lady in there and so I asked her why she smelled that way and she said it was weed and then she offered me some, it was green and green stuff reminds me of broccoli and I hate broccoli so I said no."

I was infuriated, my face started to turn red. "Ellie, are you telling the truth?" she nodded "If anyone else ask you for that stuff say no, it's bad for you and it messes up your life, you got that?" she nodded.

"Mommy how do you get your face that red, it's kind of cool, that only happen to me when my ass-ma kicks in," Edward didn't tell me she had asthma. I shook it off and told her to go and wake everyone up.

"It smells good in here," A smooth delectable voice said from behind. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Edward. He wrapped his arms around my waist "You cooked breakfast?"

"Ellie and I did, seeing how you can't cook breakfast, which I think is the easiest meal to cook. I'm a little surprised."

"Well for the time that we have been here have you ever seen me cook?"

"No, but I thought that was just because you had work," he shook his head along my shoulder.

"Nope I just am not good at cooking breakfast foods, but I am amazing at cooking chicken and spinach alfredo."

"I think I should the judge of that."

"Pick a time and place." He kissed along my shoulder up my neck to my cheek and I turned my head towards him and met his lips with mine. I turned the rest of my body to cling my arms around his neck and he pulled me tighter. Our lips separated and I smiled and he gave me a quick kiss again.

"Hey it smells nice in here," I looked away to see Phil.'

"Well I hope it taste as good as it smells, help yourself bud," I insisted.

"Where's your mom?" he whispered to me.

"I have no idea but she really has to go, a day and a half is way too long."

"She can't be that bad."

"She offered Ellie drugs, Edward, she is not staying. You're lucky that I'm not gonna cause a scene for the whole block to see, I was ready to when Ellie told me what happened."

"Yeah she should go."

I found Ellie changing out of her dirty clothes with wet hair in my room.

"Ellie what are you doing in here?"

"I had to take a shower but the smelly lady was in the bathroom so I had to use yours. Mommy your face is getting red again,' she chuckled. I tried to regulate my breathing.

"Ellie go eat your breakfast." I stomped into the bathroom and found her asleep in the tub. I turned on the cold water and she shot up.

"_Isabella_!" She shrieked shooting up, everyone rushed in to see what happened "I'm all wet."

"That's what she said," Phil said before cackling , I turned and gave him the bitch brow. Edward gave him a strange look too.

_And that is why I called the jackass 'Bud'._

'I'm gonna go finish my breakfast." They both left.

"Mom you have to leave today."

'What?"

"_She said you need to leave_!" Ellie piped up.

"Ellie, don't need your help."

"Sorry."

"Bella, what do you mean I have to leave?"

"Do you not understand _engwish?"_

"Ellie what did I just say?"

"Sorry."

"First, you come high as fuck; you offer my daughter weed and make a mess outta of my kitchen in the process of trying to wake up the whole house, and you sleeping in our tub."

"Oh please Belly, I think your being over dramatic."

"Crackhead." Ellie muttered, I grabbed her shoulders and steered her out of the room before turning back to my mother.

"No, not this time. I mean it mom you're leaving by the end of today."

"Fine, but all I tried to do is bond with my daughter again." She got up out the tub and I handed her a towel.

"I don't want to bond with this anymore. I want a mother who always there for me and not high all the time. So until you can do that, I don't wanna have anything to do with you mom." She nodded and this time I think she really understood. I'm a grown woman now and she sees that I'm doing something with my life and needs to start doing that too. She left the bathroom I left out a gust of air and I look down and Ellie was at the door holding out her hand.

"You cussed."

The rest of the day was pretty quiet. Phil and Ellie seemed to get along really well seeing as the had about the same brain capacity, and my mom try to stay away from everyone.

"Mommy, Phil cheated in checkers."

"How can I cheat in checkers?"

"You hid all my pieces and I only had one to start with." Edward and I chuckled as they kept arguing. At the end of the day my mom and Phil had all their stuff packed and were headed out the door. My mom promised that the next time I see she would be doing better. I told I would be the judge of that. She left with nothing said.

I wish I could say the same for Ellie, "Don't let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split ya'!" She shrieked as Renee was making her oh so graceful exit.

Edward, Ellie, and I all sat around the TV watching _Finding Nemo._

"Mommy what are we going to do for Halloween?"

"Yeah what are we going to do for Halloween?" I turned to Edward.

"Actually I did here there was a big festival going on, we could take Ellie."

"Will I still get candy?"

"Yeah the festival is the day before Halloween, and we can go looking for a costume this week too."

"Really, I want to be gangster for Halloween."

"For the last time you're not going to be a gangster," Edward tickle attacked and she fell on my lap laughing.

"How does she know about all this stuff?'

"I let her watch _Criminal Minds_ and _CSI Miami_."

"Can I be Belle from Beauty and the Beast then."

"Yeah we'll see if we can find one. And we'll get lots and lots of candy."

She jumped of the couch "YES CANDY!" She bounced up and down.

"One of us should stay here and give out candy." Edward muttered giving me a pointed look. "You can give out carrots or something, Bella." He suggested.

"We're going to be that house?" Ellie whined.

"Goodnight, Ellie." She thrusted, a finger at me and kept it pointed at me until she was out of sight.

_Strange kid._

"I was serious about you staying here." Edward pointed out.

"Well then that would make you a misguided jackass wouldn't it?" I smiled sweetly at him and he nodded.

"I guess it would," He jumped me and started kissing down my neck.

…JCE…

_**Hope you enjoyed and/or had some laughs  
>Yeah so we don't reach our review goal… but that's okay ya'll :D <strong>_

_**Don't forget to check out the poll on my profile! **_

_**Lets try to make 180 this time! If you do we shall update tomorrow and that will be the Halloween chapter that some of you had been asking about.**_

_**Have a lovely Halloween!**_

_**And make ours lovely by dropping us some lines.**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everybody! You guys were SO close with the reviews Sunday night! It was crazy.**

**Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! And if you don't celebrate it… A wonderful Monday!**

**Thanks to: Farah, MaryMary123, dazzleglo, kembie, kelliekinz, Catbratty, devilelf, melissamary55, vampirelove11, alc1002, dr. meow1234, totes. mah. Gotes, crazy-chick-4life, Twifan1986, ADADancer, BelovedSunshine, Lone-Angel102693! You ladies are the best! (P.s. I was told by klutz not to assume everyone was a lady… so if you aren't of the female gender lemme' know!)**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

…JCE…

"What are you going to be for Halloween, Mommy?" I shrugged as I sat on the couch, resting my head in Edwards lap, Ellie sat against the footrest that rested in the couch.

"I don't think I am going to dress up."

"No, you gotsa dress up! Daddy is going to." I looked up at Edward who just shrugged.

"What're you going as?" I asked him.

"Polly Pocket." Ellie screamed

Edward shot her a side look, his lip curled, "A pirate. Ellie, Polly Pocket? Really?"

"I think you would be pretty, Daddy. " she stated, turning from her spot, blinking innocently at him.

"I think you don't realize I am a man." I let out a snort and adjusted my head in Edwards lap a

"Real men wear pink."

"Real men don't dress up as Barbie's. "

"_Real _men know the difference between Barbie and Polly Pocket."

"You know what? The fact that you're _here_ proves that I'm a real man."

_Not true. But okay… _

_Baby Momma drama._

"The fact that I can listen to you two bicker like proves that _I'm _a real man." I muttered rolling my eyes.

"That's uncomfortable…" Edward muttered rubbing at the passion mark I had left on his neck earlier, I just grinned.

"So what are we watching?"

"Beauty and the Beast." Ellie squealed. "It's my favowite movie eva'! I got an idea, Daddy! You can be Beauty!"

Edwards head dropped against the back of the couch and I rubbed his knee soothingly, my body filled with laughter. "What is your obsession with dressing me up as a woman."

"Polly is a _doll, _silly." Edward sat up and stared at me.

"Will you stop molesting my knee?" I blushed and let go, the rubbing had gotten a little excessive. "Ellie? Explain yourself."

"Ever seen Rue Paul's _Drag Race_? That show is too funny! All of the boys dress like girls. They look pretty, and I think you'd be prettier than all of them." I think that was meant to be a compliment… I looked up at Edward.

_If his chin wasn't so broad… and he were a girl… He would be a hot chick._

I nodded along with Ellie, "You would be," I reached up and stroked his chin, he captured my wrist and kissed my palm. "Ellie if you want, I will be Belle and Daddy can be the beast."

"What should I be, Mommy?"

"Cookie monster." Alice sung, as she pranced into the room, her hand was tightly gripping Jasper who was blushing. Alice plopped down onto my stomach and I let out an 'oomf'. Ellie just turned around and glared at her.

"Last I checked you aren't my Mommy." She bit out, Alice turned up her nose at Ellie and muttered.

"Last I heard she wasn't either." She jerked her thumb at me, I lifted my hand and swung it into Alice's stomach, she let out a noise similar to the one I made earlier.

"So.. Cookie monster?"

"Yeah, I see the resemblance. Paint yourself blue and you could be twins." Jasper rolled his eyes and swung Ellie up into his arms.

"Well you look like Oscar the grouch! Cause you're so jealous that I gotcho' _man, _you're green!" Jasper laughed so hard that he almost dropped Ellie and she kissed his cheek. "That and you smell like _garbage_!" I was laughing so hard I could barely breath.

Or maybe it was Alice, crushing my lungs.

"God! You're heavier than you look," I sat u and pushed her off of my lap. "How did you even get in here?"

"She picked the lock." Jasper answered as he and Ellie mock danced along with Beauty and the Beast.

"How about you be a gypsy, Ellie?"

"Why?"

"Because I hate you."

"Come on, Alice. She's eight." Edward defended.

"She told me I was a whore, then took my Jasper. She's not exactly my BFF."

"You hate gypsy's?" Ellie asked holding on tighter to Jaspers neck as he twirled her around, obviously oblivious to the conversation.

"Nope. I was a gypsy back in the day."

"No you weren't."

"I went around furniture store yelling 'Fuck yo' couch!'" She claimed like that made sense.

"Language!" Jasper scolded.

"What? Did that make sense in your head, Alice?" I murmured I straightened myself on the couch snuggling into Edward's side.

"Yes. It. Did."

"Whore."

"Bedtime!" Edward exclaimed standing up and taking Ellie from Jasper.

"I'll come with you." Jasper muttered walking out behind Edward.

"Jazzy, you should be a princess with Mommy and Daddy, you would look so pretty." She giggled as they walked out.

"You Ali-pie are very mature." I said cocking an eyebrow.

"So… you and Agent Sex get it on yet?"

"No unlike you I don't tend to put out on the first day. I would like to keep the word 'Ho' from being associated with my name."

"Girl please you know my motto. Give a blow you a hoe. So just have sex with him."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Blow jobs define someone as a ho? But sex doesn't? Okay so if we had sex, in your mind, then…"

"Uh oh, you a ho." She said like it was the most sensible thing in the world.

"And _goodnight, _Alice." I said pulling her off of the couch and towards the door.

"Yeah, I should have known this night wasn't going to last when she said she hated the kid." Jasper whined.

"Hey! She said I was a whore! What kind of world do we live in where that's just _overlooked_?" She shrieked, Jasper just picked her up bridal style and took her out of the house.

…JCE…

"Mommy is we leaving soon?" Ellie asked, she had taken Alice's advice and was a gypsy, saying that in her defense she hated Alice too. I was dressed in the long yellow ball gown that Bella wore in the movie, and Edward wore the same ensemble as the beast minus the animal face… thing. He actually looked quite handsome. I also wore a wig in the same hairstyle as Belle, and it was itchy as a crack heads banana.

"Yeah, just let me check something." I dialed Jasper's number.

"What's up, sweetie of my sweetie pie? What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted you to know that I got everything set up, I got them as close as possible and Edward set up the microphones so you should be able to set up the system."

"Cool, that's great. Thanks for letting me know,"

"No problem, chocolate locks,"

"How do you come up with all of these nicknames?" I asked.

"It's a gift, anyway I should get going. So talk to you soon?"

"Yeah of course." I heard the click on the other line and he was gone. I turned around to face an upset five year old.

"Who was that?"

"Just a guy I know, why?"

"Are you cheating on daddy?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Answer my question," she stomped her foot and rolled her head. She went from crossed arms to hands on hips and leaning on her left leg.

"What's going on?" Edward walked in from the back room with his jacket and the car keys in his hand.

"Sherlock Holmes here thinks I'm cheating on you."

"Are, you?"

_Dumbass._

I rolled my eyes, "I was talking to Jasper."

"Then see Ellie, mystery solved. Now let's go."

"I'm watching you," she looked at me with dagger eye

"And I will be watching you walk yourself out that door, before I make you."

"Oh, no you're not."

"We'll see about that." I picked her up over my shoulder and carried her out.

She started screaming, "LET ME DOWN, THIS IS CHILD ABOOS! You have a huge butt." She reached down and smacked my ass.

"_O_kay, Ellie."

"I wanna' play!" Edward muttered slapping my ass right after her. I put Ellie on the ground and smacked the back of his head. He just chuckled and offered me his arm I took it and lifted up the skirt of my dress so that it didn't drag the ground.

Ellie took off to Leah and Jacob's, jingling all the way. She rang the doorbell and I noticed something. All of the lights were off but there were still bumping noises and thumps echoing from the house.

"Edward-"

"I know. We'll be back, but let's give it awhile. We'll stay close." I nodded and tightened my arm in his.

"Ellie! Next house, and don't forget to say thank you!" Edward called after her as she darted from house to house. We soon came up to a particularly scary looking house, people in devils masks and skeletons masks were passing out the candy, as a strobe light went off behind them, children's screams echoed all around the building and I stood on my tip toes to keep track of Ellie in the chaos. All of the sudden I heard her, my head snapped towards her screams.

"Hey butt-sucker! I've been waiting here for_ever_ don't come at me like that!" Her movements seemed stilted due to the strobe lights so I saw her leg up behind her in one flash, and in the next it was between the little monsters legs. "Yeah! Bet you'll think twice about taking candy from a baby next time, huh?" She cackled madly and I rushed towards her catching her running movements only every few seconds.

All of the sudden a face sans skin was a foot away from my own.

"Oh _shit_!" I screamed, I looked around at all the little faces and immediately felt bad as I scurried back towards Edward. "Sorry, kids!" I clutched on to Edward who was doubled over in hysterics and continued my search for Ellie from there. Then next thing I knew she was standing in front of me with her hand upraised.

"I heard you." She smirked and I wrapped an arm around Edward pick-pocketing his chuckling form and handed her his wallet. She took it and gladly skipped on to other houses.

I yanked at his arm and tugged him along as we headed down the street. All of a sudden Ellie stopped next to me.

"Mommy, there is a guy behind that car." She whisper-yelled. I shrugged and continued to walk only to have the living fuck scared out of me as a man in a mask from the saw movie jumped out.

_Shoulda listened, stupid ho. _Ellie's voice said to me, from inside of my head.

If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was clowns. My fist darted out this time and I nailed the guy in the shoulder, stepping behind him and throwing him onto the ground.

"_Jackass._" I gritted out. Edward grabbed my hand and then Ellie's and took us to the side of the street.

"Okay, Ladies. Here is a Halloween rule. You are not allowed to hurt anyone. Okay? We've only been out here for about an hour, calm yourselves." He muttered between laughs. I rolled my eyes and took her hand.

"You just don't know how to trick or treat, Daddy." She said lifting a bitch brow.

_*Wipes tear* _

_So proud._

Tires squealing had everyone's heads whipping towards the next street over.

Our street.

"_Fuck._" Edward pulled Ellie into his arms and took off through the houses towards the street over, lifting my gown I followed as quickly as possible.

"You don't think they would make a move today, do you?" He questioned.

"I don't know. Neither of them has actually committed a crime before, so they might just be stupid enough to make a move when many bystanders are around. They said they wanted us away from the house. With all these people around they probably figured that there would be more suspects."

When we reached our yard people were crowded around the Clearwater-Black house. Miss Isabella approached us from behind.

"Oh don't look so frightened, newbies. Those Blacks always liked to put on a show on Halloween." She muttered patting my heaving shoulder.

"I'll see what's going on." I whispered and slipped away from Edward.

I had a feeling that this year wasn't all a show.

…JCE…

**Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!**

**Uh oh show or no show? Tell us what you think.**

**Okay so since I put a few real events in the story I can't pretend I made them up.**

**I love gypsy's just as much as the next guy.. I hope no one was offended!**

**I love ho's too! I don't judge. **

**When I took my little sister trick or treating this year there was a house like the one described earlier (strobe lights, masks etc.) and I did scream Shit and run like hell but **_**like Bella **_**I also apologized to the children during my sprint**

**The whole 'Saw' mask thing was true as well… minus the punching and dropping… I wish.**

**Oh and I find myself saying 'Uh oh she a ho' at times…. And not always the most appropriate times either.**

**Check out the poll on my profile, too!**

**Let's try and make it to… two hundred this time? Yeah… ya'll can do it. If you do every reviewer will get the scene where Alice and Bella were banned from the grocery store! So yeah review**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey ya'lls! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts and favorites and what not!**

**I would like to address the wig thing. Bella wore a wig last chapter… just because she could (no bitchiness intended). I was asked in reviews and by klutz why she didn't just curl her hair. If it were me I would just get a wig that comes with bells and whistles premade…. But I'm a lazy fuck so ya'll might be different**

**Thanks to: alc1002,** **Catbratty , kembie ,** **xxFarahxx, anon reviewer w/o a name, dr. meow1234,** **melissamary55, totes. mah .gotes, xShazzJammyKalsix, crazy-chick-4life,** **dazzleglo,** **kelliekinz,** **ADADancer.**

**Oh and I have been hyping a poll that isn't showing on my profile… I don't know what's wrong because it says its showing D: **

**WARNING: Some of this may be found disturbing… there isn't any blood or gore or anything but yeah be cautious because this isn't all fun and laughs like previous chapters**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

…JCE…

I sprinted through the house, and busted through the back door. As I ran I undid the back of my dress leaving me in a less conspicuous black thermal top and pant. I tossed the dress onto Ellie's swing set and put the wig in the same spot. I hopped the fence, that's door was too squeaky to unhinge and open. I quickly darted around the sparse bushes in their yard and slinked up to the staircase that leads down to their basement. The lights on the top floor were turned out and I figured they had to be in the basement.

I yanked the wig cap off of my hair and pulled out a bobby pin, using it to unlock the door at the bottom of the steps. I was pretty sure that breaking and entering was not a part of my job description so I had to remember to stay out of sight. Their basement was large, a wide open area with a viewing room and then two smaller rooms next to it. From under one of the doors a yellow light shone, I crept towards it, because if this was all a show, then I would have blown our cover.

I pressed against the wall listening for any noise only hearing slight scratching sounds, I slid against the wall until I was at the door of one of the opposite rooms and slipped into it. From inside what looked to be a small storage room I pressed against the wood paneling in there. What I had thought were scratches were actually soft sniffles. I rolled my eyes as I realized I still wasn't getting anything. I slipped a small knife issued to us by the bureau. It was shaped as an exacto knife, but skinnier, and was sharp enough to cut through anything that touched it without being in motion. I pressed my ear against the wall again as I heard murmering and simultaneous sniffling alerting me that there were two people in the room.

I checked for pipe placement and started making a fist sized rectangle in the wall. With a few simple pushes I had gotten the wood to give way. I stuck my hand into the hole cautiously, aware of the multiple potentially scalding pipes, I pressed against the next firm surface I came to, but not before checking it out to make sure it wasn't a pipe. I used my thumb and forefinger to hold the knife while holding the severed edge of the wall to make sure it didn't fall to the floor. Once I had carefully removed the wall I peeked into the initial hole and was able to peer into the room. The first thing I saw were hands, two pairs clamped together in midair. I then looked for the hands rightful bodies and found Leah leaning into another body. I took a deep, but silent breath as I turned to see the person comforting her.

_Please be Jacob…_

Yeah so apparently someone in the world hates me, because a distinct blonde ponytail came into view. The two of them were alarmingly close to the hole I had cut and I was grateful for my fuck awesome skills that allowed me to fuck up her wall without notice. I then pressed my ear to the wall when Leah's voice started to filter through.

"You promised… _promised_ you wouldn't hurt him." She cried.

_The fuck he did! Stupid bitch didn't even notice his obvious avoidance of the topic of not hurting Jacob._

"I didn't say anything of the sort."

_Told you._

She sniffled again and I wanted to cut her.

_Say hello to my little Exacto. Dat Dat Dat!_

_That was a gun noise… I guess, but I guess that doesn't really make sense seeing as I was talking about a knife. Knifes don't really make noise… I guess it could be shwoop shwoop shwoop. But that doesn't sound sophisticated enough._

James voice rang out again and I was forced to withdraw from my ADHD thoughts.

"He wasn't hurt, Leah. Don't worry." I yanked my phone from my bra and put it on record before tucking everything but the microphone part back into the cup

"I'm looking at his blood!" She shrieked her hands moved to clutch the red stained fabric of James shirt.

_Fuck._

"Blood doesn't mean pain, Honey." Her bloodshot eyes widened until they looked about ready to pop out and she slapped him.

"James! I swear on my mother's grave… If you hurt him."

"Well fuck, Lee. I was under the impression that you wanted him gone. I thought you wanted me, Leah. Don't you want me?" By the end of his words he had her jaws clamped between his fingers and pulled her up to his face. Tears leaked from her eyes and she nodded. He pushed her away and her skin was marked with dark prints of his fingers.

"Good because who would know what would happen to you if you decided you didn't want me… Especially after I did so much for you." His voice started to shake from range and his hand disappeared for a second before a gun was forced against her breast. Her quiet cries turned into wails as his expression turned from angry to crazed.

"You want me, Bitch?" He asked tilting his head to the side. She bit her lip and nodded with her eyes closed as she shook. My body tensed as he pressed the weapon further into her breast. I pulled the gun from the holster in my ankle and put it to the wall where James sat.

_One cock of that gun and he was gone._

"Good, Baby. You have to understand. I don't want to hurt you, but I am _not _your bitch. I _will_ reap my reward. Understand?" She nodded again without talking and he tucked the gun back into what I was guessing was his waist band. He then grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him, kissing her furiously. Tears continued to stream down her face but she put as much fervor into that kiss as he did.

"I love you." He whispered when they parted, she nodded and went in to kiss him. His hand reared back and he slapped her across the cheek before grabbing her face. I cocked my gun, by instinct. What kind of punk slaps a woman? "You love me?" He growled, she let out a sob and hugged him.

"I do." She cried clinging to him.

"Here's what I shall do for you my love. I will take you to the warehouse our dear Jacob is in and I will let you say your goodbyes. Then I will let you leave _before_ we dispose of his life. Do you understand how _generous_ I am being?" She nodded but the tears flowed faster and she gently massaged her cheek.

"Alright, then. Here is the address. Meet me there at twelve on the dot. Be a minute late and you will watch him die. Punctuality is crucial. Don't you understand?" She nodded and he smacked a kiss on her lips. "I will see you in sixteen hours, my love." I slipped my gun back into the holster as I sensed the end of the conversation.

"Sixteen." She agreed with a nod, he rose up and exited the room, she soon followed and I crept back out of the basement. I hopped the fence and slipped into my own house. Edward greeted me at the door when I slammed the door. He pulled me into his arms and I hugged him back tangling my hands in his hair.

"I've never heard anything so fucked up." I whispered as tears leaked from my eyes. He pulled back and looked puzzled and I just buried my face in his neck. "He has Jake in a warehouse. Twelve o'clock, that's when Leah goes to say goodbye… I- he- It's all so fucked up." Edward was shaking hard as he picked me up and carried me back to our room. He unstrapped me holster from my ankle, after setting me on the bed. When he did this I realized it was me shaking and I hugged myself. He hopped in next to me and pulled me against him before pulling the heap of blankets over us. He tucked my head into the crook of his neck.

"It'll be fine. That's what we're here for." I nodded against him and held on tightly to his waist. It panicked me that two lives were in my hands.

_And I wasn't sure I could save them._

…JCE…

_***Tear***_

_**Hope you… enjoyed?**_

_**Told you it wasn't all fun and whatnot…. **_

… _**After writing this I really missed Ellie hahaha**_

_**Review! Get to 120, for an update tomorrow!**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys! Thanks for all of your reviews they mean un shit load! We got less reviews than usual last chapter though D: so bring our spirits back up ya'll!**

**Thanks to: dr. meow1234, alc1002, dazzleglo, Lone-Angel102693, totes. Mah .gotes, storyluvr12, kembie, crazy-chick-4life, melissamary55, kelliekinz! **

**WARNING: You are reading a M rated story… so if you don't approve of what goes down in this I suggest you switch to the T section :D**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

…JCE…

"I swear, I was so fucking angry I was ready to shoot him." I whispered as I explained what had happened the previous night. Edward held my hand as I sat between his legs and recounted the events. It was around five in the morning and I couldn't stay asleep to save my life.

"Well it's a good thing you didn't." I nodded and Edward kissed my shoulder. A knock sounded at the door and Edward squeezed my hands as he stood to answer it. He had called Alice and Jasper as soon as they woke up.

"I'll get it!" Ellie shrieked as she thudded through the house.

"Ellie don't! Go back to bed." Edward yelled as he tugged on a shirt and left the bedroom. "Hold on!" He screamed in the direction of the door. There was a bit of struggling before he walked back into the room with Ellie over his shoulder and dumped her onto the bed. "You stay."

"Yes, master." She bit, sarcastically. "I am not a dog." She stuck her nose in the air and Edward gave her a look before darting to get the door. Ellie looked up at me before her cheeks grew red and her sarcastic frown turned into a lethal scowl.

"What did he do to you?" She growled taking in my red eyes and messy frame.

"Nothing." I promised, dragging her into my arms.

"No for real. Ellie's about to open a can of _whoop-ass_." She shrieked before squirming to get out of my hold.

"Honey, Daddy didn't do _anything_. I just had a bad day." I lied. She rolled her eyes but kissed my cheek.

"I hope it gets better," She kissed my cheek again. "Daddy says kisses make everything better." I nodded and hmm'ed in agreement.

"You make everything better, Pumpkin."

"I know. It's just a part of my _Ellie_ charm. I really can't help it. It's natural. Like taking a poo. But better cause I don't smell… most of the time. But if you catch me on a bad day-" I put a hand over her mouth as I heard an unexpected voice.

"Please!" She begged.

"Ellie you stay here, okay?"

"Yes, Mommy." She nodded and folded her arms and legs in obedience.

I yanked a robe from the recliner and a hair tie off of the dresser and tied up my hair and the robe. I ghosted into the front room, making sure I stayed out of sight.

"I know that something is up with you and Bella… you know being here. I just need your help. Please." Leah begged, I rounded the corner in time to see Leah clutching Edwards hand, tears streaming down her face. It was a less intimate version of the stance she had yesterday with James.

She looked up as I entered the room and shifted away from Edward.

"What's going on?"

"I've been having an affair…" Leah whispered. Seeing as her husband was hours away from his impending death I was too impatient to listen to a story I have spent a month investigating.

Thankfully, Edward jumped in, "Her boyfriend has Jacob in a warehouse and is fully ready to kill him. We have until noon." He gave me a look and I realized that I had no reaction what so ever.

"Oh my god…" I trailed off lamely. I wasn't great at improv.

"I need your help, Bella. I can't do this on my own… I don't want to call the police. They might hold me accountable."

"Of what?" Edward asked warily.

_Cause all we needed was for this fucked up bitch to be on heroin or a prostitute._

"I don't know… Adultery?" Edward shook his head and stood from the couch quickly crossing the room towards me.

"Here is the address." He handed me a slip of paper and I examined the sloppy hand writing.

555 Eclipse Way.

"We have until twelve?" I asked, she nodded scrubbing her hands over her face.

"Then we'll be needing to get going won't we? We don't have much time." I muttered eying the clock.

"Bella what's wrong? Besides the obvious?"

_Oh same old same old. This man's life is in my hands and I haven't a clue about how to save him._

"Just… this is a lot to handle." I admitted truthfully, Edward rubbed my back.

"No… You looked like that when you came in." She pointed out, Edwards hand stopped and clenched.

"I- I just found out that I'm pregnant." I pulled out of my ass. I reached behind me to grab Edwards hand and he looked as though he were about to pass out.

_Dumbass_. _We haven't even had sex yet._

Leah looked guilty, "Oh… I shouldn't stress you like-"

"WHAT!" Ellie shrieked from the bedroom, she came thumping into the room soon after and punched Edward in his abs.

"I said hands off and you do this?" She jabbed me in the stomach, still looking at him.

"I'll just call the cops. You obviously have a lot going on here." Leah rushed out, I held up a hand and knelt by Ellie,

"Honey, we will talk about this later." I sent her a pointed look and she started to cry, which made me want to cry. I hugged her and whispered in her ear as Edward spoke to Leah. "Right now isn't the time, Pumpkin."

"Just when you thought you know a person..." She muttered before pushing me and stomping away.

"Shit." I whined as I rose.

"You go home, dress and meet us back here. Alright?" She nodded and thanked him before leaving.

"I'm going to take a shower really quick." I muttered as I headed towards our room

"May I join you?" he grinned at me.

"If you can guess what I'm thinking right now..." I gritted out, I almost round housed the jackass.

"You're thinking how I am naked." He answered my rhetorical question.

"Close I was thinking about a retired policeman trapped in one of the many warehouse around Forks that we have to find by twelve or he's dead."

"I was pretty close wasn't I?"

"No."

"So… how long have you been hiding the fact that you're carrying my baby?"

"Since I slept with the guy down the street… What? Who said that?" I farced shock as I looked around. Edward looked pissed and I smacked the back of his head, "Come on, get serious." I commanded. The doorbell rang and I went to get it.

"Lookin' sexy, B." Alice smiled, taking in Edwards robe, as she entered the house.

"Ha. You're too funny." I deadpanned. "We need you to keep Ellie."

"So now you're giving me away?" Ellie shrieked as she rounded the corner she dropped to the floor, "To _her_?" She jabbed a finger at Alice, "I thought you loved me!" She screamed, her little arms and legs flailed around as she cried. Edward popped up out of nowhere swooping Ellie up and taking her to her room. "This is worse than when I got a shoe string for Halloween! What am_ I_ going to do with _one shoestring? _String up one shoe? No!" She ranted to complete her temper tantrum.

"I will- text you? If we need help…" I muttered awkwardly realizing how stupid I sounded. Jasper produced a button with a strap on it, from his pocket and handed it to me.

"It goes straight to my phone. I keep it around for Ali, when she is out alone." Alice rolled her eyes.

She looked at me, "As if I can't kick ass all by myself." I took the button from Jasper.

"So you've got Ellie?"

"Oh yeah that's fine, she likes, but if she calls me a whore, it's gonna be on like Donkey Kong. WAAHCHA!" She swung her arms out and flailed like a monkey on crack.

"Ali, she is six years old, you need to calm down," I suggested.

"To be honest I think she is kinda like you bells," he pointed out.

"What! She is not."

I saw Edward nod as he entered the room and I crossed my arms and stomped my foot like a little girl.

_Stupid bitches._

I left the room and hopped into the shower, the bathroom door opened and closed and I peeked my head out of the door, expecting to see Ellie but was met with Edward.

"Agh! What are you doing in here?"

"I just thought I would help you release some tension." He whispered smoothly and whipped off his shirt.

"Edward, no! Are you crazy?" I shrieked as he dropped his pants and I yanked the towel over the top of the door, pulling it tightly around me as it got heavier and heavier due to the water. True to his word Edward stepped into the shower, almost naked except for his boxer briefs which weren't really concealing too much. I couldn't unglue my eyes from the hardening bulge in his underwear as he moved closer to me. "Is now _really_ the time, Edward?"

"Maybe not. But shh." His lips captured mine and I moaned. His wet hair flopped against my forehead and turned us, so that my back wasn't to the faucet and he pushed me against the cold tiles, my nipples tightened against his chest as a reaction. He rocked against me, the two thin cloths separating us seemed to only be there in spirit. His hands snuck around me and he gripped my bare ass pushing our cores together in a harsh movement. I tossed my head back as Edward worked our bodies and kissed down my neck.

"This isn't really _releasing_ any tension." _Just heaping it on._ He smiled against my neck and ran his nose down my collar bone until he was at the swell of my breast. He lightly bit the towel and pulled it away from my body exposing my entire chest to him. He let out a husky moan and his eyes darkened. He braced his leg against the tub and I precariously balanced on his knee as his hands greedily groped at my chest. I arched my back towards him and he sucked a nipple into his mouth.

"Oh god… fuck me."

"Not sure if I'm the one you're calling god, but I am definitely the one about to fuck you." He groaned in my ear. I rocked my hips against his thigh and he released one of my breasts to pull the sopping towel from over my waist. I started to pull him out of his soaked underwear when he swatted my hand away.

"This is all about you." He whispered as he slid his long as fuck middle finger into my sopping pussy, I writhed as I tightened against his finger and he started to grind his cock against my thigh. His fingers pumped in and out of me at an alarmingly fast rate and I moaned and mewled at the delicious friction.

"Yes, Baby!" I all but screamed his mouth covered mine and his thumb swiveled around my clit, sending me over the edge. I shook and vibrated in his arms as his tongue snaked into my mouth muffling my scream. I opened my eyes after riding the waves of bliss and noticed the cocky ass smirk on his face.

"What?" He shook his head and grabbed my breast, pushing them together and burying his head in them, peppering them with kisses. I melted against him and tightened my hands in his hair.

"We should have been doing this a long time ago…" I whimpered, still realizing that he was hard. I pushed him away gently, taking account for the small space and sunk to my knees. I pulled his under wear down and licked around the tip of his long, thick and all around glorious dick.

_Jesus this would turn any chick lover onto dick, men and women alike. _

"Baby, you look so sexy…" He groaned out, as I settled onto my knees. I looked into his hooded eyes immensely turned on by his words. I wondered when he had gotten so cocksure and the realized I didn't care because he was sexy as fuck when he got all confident. I rubbed my thighs together as I stroked his cock.

I wrapped my mouth around all of him and dragged my lips up as far as they'd go. He groaned and leaned back against the tiles, wrapping his hands in my heavy and soaked hair. I gripped his ass and deep throated him, my hands went to his balls and I gently massaged them. I pulled away from his dick and looked up at him, giving him my most sultry look.

"Give it to me, Baby." I moaned like a whore in heat, the expression on his face went blank as he started to wobble; I kissed the head and jacked him off. His hot cum shot onto my mouth and down my chest and I did my best not to be grossed out. I heard a creak and then Alice's voice as the door closed.

"Yes!" She screamed after slamming the door shut, Edward helped me stand back up and pulled me against his chest, smearing his cum on the two of us and kissed the fuck out of me.

"That was hot as fuck." He groaned despite the fact that we had obviously been caught by my big mouthed gossip of a best friend. We both helped each other clean up and dress before leaving the bathroom. We had managed to waste an entire hour with hour _festivities_. When we finally made it out of the bedroom we found Alice, Jasper and Ellie in the living room.

"Sucking dick like she was mad at it!" Alice squealed, and Jasper squeezed his hands, that were over Ellie's ears, tighter against her. Ellie looked quiet put out with him for that.

"Thanks for sharing…" Jasper muttered obviously not thrilled at the idea of me doing the McNasty with Edward.

"Alice get your shit. You're coming with us." I ordered. She jumped up and started clapping. "Where is Leah?" I whispered to myself, I mean it's been at least a hour since she was here.

"Be right back! I need to go home and-" She pulled my arm and whispered in my ear, "Oh fuck yeah! Go ho!" I blushed and pushed her away

I stopped her, "Just meet us here." I wrote the address down on her palm and she nodded before darting out of the house.

I went to get my gun, badge, Taser, and checked the cameras, and I noticed something was _definitely _not supposed to be there.

"What the fuck is that?"

…JCE…

**Hope you enjoyed and/or laughed.**

**Yeah… mhmm I decided not to cock block ya'll… and I brought Ellie back! So review?**

**Let's try and get to 225!**


	17. Chapter 17

_**Thanks for all the reviews, favorites and alerts guys!**_

_**Thanks to: vampirelove11, blue eyes lover, storyluvr12, kembie (I care about your opinion, kembie! I care.), kelliekinz, alc1002, dr. meow1234, crazy-chick-4life, LullabyGirl, sujari6, dazzleglo, melissamary55, totes. mah. Gotes, ADADancer you all make our lives! Seriously you've turned me into a review junkie :D Thank you for all the lovely notes! They make my staying up until late writing this so worth it!**_

_**Standard Disclaimer Applies**_

EPOV

I ran to the Clearwater-Black's house and kicked the door open. I went upstairs to the bedroom where the explosive was located, and started to disenable it. It wasn't some red wire, blue wire shit, in just had to take out the explosive piece and get rid of it. James' file said that he had been a technician he knew what things went together and what didn't. And this didn't of course explain why he put it together.

I took out the piece and smashed the rest, but I kept the tiny explosive component for Jasper. I went back to the house to see what else I would find and there was the bloodstained shirt of Jacobs, there wasn't much in the kitchen or any of the other bedroom. In the bathroom I found the mirror was smashed along with water on the floor and in completely filled in the bathtub, and then spots of blood on the wall in the sink. I quickly go back to the house grabbed my suitcase.

"Wait what are you doing?" Bella followed me into the room where I grabbed the rectangular box from under the bed.

"The fuck?" She followed me over to the house, and I started to dust over all to smudges and then I turned on the black light. The room lit up blue but the whole room had marks of white all over where either blood, saliva or just fingerprints where smeared.

"We need to take blood samples, water samples, and fingerprints. I'll call rose and see if she can get down here soon."

"Who's that?"

"Rosalie is a ballistics specialist, she can get the DNA of all this. But we should get going."

"Yeah let's go."

"Alice said she is almost there. And I asked Jasper to see if he could track what happened last night and he said there was nothing that stood out."

"That's impossible, how did they do that without us noticing."

I don't know but we'll see if Jasper can find out. I read the letter and they all talk about family."

"So nothing weird?"

"Not really," she took them out of the folder. "They all are pretty much the same, but that seems too simple so I will have to look at it later."

We got to the warehouse and entered into a large open space rock walls.

"Where is he, it's not even eleven thirty yet."

I heard banging from the left corner of the room. I pulled my gun from my waistband and Bella drew hers from her ankle holster. I quickly ran over there with Bella on the other side of me watching my back. There was a large chain with a lock on the door. I picked and got the door open. We found Alice lying on the floor.

"Oh god, Alice!" Bella whimpered from behind me. The small woman was drenched with a mixture of sweat and tears. She was huffing from behind a gag her bloodshot eyes looked up and met mine as Bella fussed over her. She frantically pushed her hair out of her face and Alice's throat trembled with her attempt to speak around the gag. Bella cupped her jaw and hugged her and I rolled my eyes as Alice shot me a pointed look.

"What is it, Honey?" Bella asked frantically.

_And she said I was the dumbass…_

I stooped down next to Bella, gently pushing her away from Alice. I reached behind her head and untied the gag from her mouth.

"Stupid hoe." Alice grumbled weakly, Bella sat back on her heels and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Says the one that was stuck in the closet." I shook my head and reached to untie her hands from behind her back.

I quickly got her up and she tried to catch her breath.

"Sweep the warehouse." Bella ordered supporting Alice's weak form, I nodded and began moving when Alice caught my arm.

"We ha- need-" She gasped and tugged harder, "go…" She rasped.

"We…get …..he," she started to pull us towards the exit, when I got what she was trying to say. I picked her up and we quickly got out of there. A large boom and gust of hot air knocked me off my feet and we fell to the ground. My nose started to bleed and I got up to help Alice and Bella get to the car. I had Alice's unconscious form over my shoulder while I held Bella up with my arm. Once we got to the car, I regulated my breathing and Alice started to wake up from her blow. Bella was wiping Alice's wounds from her head in the back seat.

"Alice, what the hell happened?"

"I got here and I guess he saw me pulling up because he surprised me and knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in that god awful closet, and I started to run out of air, but I tried to stay calm so that hear him. He said something about leaving and making them suffer. I heard Leah scream and then everything just became so hard to understand. But he has my phone and he can track all of us."

"It's going to take a lot more than that," I said to myself and I sped off to the house.

…JCE…

BPOV

What the fuck. That jackass tried to blow us up twice today. I am done. _Done._ Yeah I bet he wouldn't like it if I went up in his house and blew his friend up, fucking Jackwagon. I reached over the console to Edwards arm and tore the sleeve off, using it to try and stop the blood rushing from her head.

"Come… on." He whined. "I'm not your fucking convenience man. _Sweep the warehouse _this_. Go see what that thing is in her house _that." He mocked, "Now you go and rip my shirt? God damn it woman."

I rolled my eyes and held myself back from slapping the shit out of him.

_You know, he's driving and all._

So I pinched his arm. The one he _wasn't _driving with.

"Shut the _fuck_ up." I growled. "Right after we were almost _blown up_ you decide to bitch and moan? Really?"

"Well that'd be the second attempt of the day. I just thought if they succeed the third time, you would know how annoyed I was in my last moments, thanks to you." Yeah so it turns out, I'm not all that great at suppressing _my_ annoyance because I reached up and slapped him.

_Don't slap the driver my ass._

"You're not funny." I grunted.

"Spousal abuse." He whimpered, clutching at his cheek. He pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

"Shut up and get Alice."

"That's what I mean right there." He whined. He opened the door anyway though, and pulled her small frame out. I darted up the steps in front of the two of them and opened the door.

"Mommy!" Ellie ran up to me, arms open for a hug, before skidding to a halt and dropping her arms. "You are dirty." She gestured to my muddy form.

_Yeah, being thrown to the muddy ground will do that to you kid._

"You have blood on your…" She pulled at my shirt sleeve and I gently moved her out of the way to make room for Alice. "Uh oh…" She whispered before following Edward into the living room where he had deposited Alice on the couch. Ellie ran ahead of me to see her.

Jasper sauntered into the room calmly before seeing the three of us and dropping a cup of juice on the ground and rushing to Alice.

"Okay.. I know she's hurt… but I was going to drink that!" Ellie whined, like father like daughter.

"Not the time, Ellie." I hissed, she gave me the bitch brow and went to sit in Edwards lap.

She examined his cheek, "Who did thi"

We all fussed over Alice until her quiet groans filled the room.

"I'm fine… I'm fine! I just hit my head." She sat up against all our protests, "Okay so here's the deal. You-" She pointed to Edward and I, "Have a matter of minutes until twelve. Their lives? All on you. So get the fuck out of my face. Go." I stood and grabbed Edward's hand pulling him with me towards the car.

I pulled out my phone and searched up James' location. The phone said that he was at an unmarked address.

"Edward, he's in the woods. Stop the car!" I screamed causing him to slam on the break, I pointed to a small clearing only big enough to be considered a bike trail. "There." I strpprf out of the car and pulled my gun from the holster on my ankle before heading into the forest with Edward on my tail.

"Motherfuck." He groaned, I turned to see him gripping his cheek.

"What?"

"That hurt like a bitch, Bella…" I rolled my eyes and searched the ground for footsteps. There was a pretty obvious pathway left behind by a few pairs of feet. We followed the steps until we came to a bigger clearing. I heard voices and thrusted my arm out stopping Edward from continuing.

"Now baby… what I walked in on today was _not_ what we agreed on yesterday." He back handed her across the face and two bigger forms started to jostle next to them. I then noticed it was Jacob struggling against the hulking form that was restraining him. James' voice got quieter and I struggled to hear his words when I was pulled into someones chest, by my hair. I let out a scream but it was muffled by the thick clothed arm wrapped around my mouth. My vision went blurry before everything went black.

…JCE…

I blinked slowly as I took in my surroundings. The room was dark and cold. The air had a slight musty tang to it. I was bound and gagged to a metal chair, across from a bloodied and passed out Edward, I let my head fall to the side and saw Leah and Jacob. They were both engaged in some sort of intense eye lock. Hers watered and his were like stone. It was then that I realized that neither of them we're gagged.

"How could you?" He whispered. She shook her head and tears fell into her lap.

"He promised… he said you would be fine. I tried leaving; so that you weren't hurt… you wouldn't let me go, Jacob." He made a disgusted noise in his throat and looked away from her.

"Jakey…"

"Oh please." He looked over at me and jumped slightly when he noticed my gaze back.

"Hey, you're awake." He pointed out.

_Is that so?_

I nodded, and I hoped it came across as sarcastic. It probably didn't though… I always was a crap actress. I looked to Edward and Jacob noticed.

"Yeah, he'll be out for a little while longer. He put up quite a bit more of a fight than you…" My eyes narrowed and he continued. "You were out for about a hour and a half… so he has about a half an hour to go." He said as if it were a normal occurrence to be chloroformed. I examined Edward more closely and a heavy feeling developed in the pit of my stomach as I took in his injuries. The side of his abdomen was drenched in blood, his bottom lip was swollen as was his right cheek and eye. I nodded to him and shrugged at Jacob.

"Oh… that one's a trooper, Bella. It took two guys twice his size to get him down. It started off as three but he was taken out by the first bullet. He tore those guys up. He shot them all at least once, I'd say." I flickered my eyes around the room and Leah jumped in.

"We're in one of those Rent-A-Center rooms."

_That's why it smelled like ass…._

"The guys had to go and get bandaged up or something. Edward really did a number on them." I felt my chest swell with pride. I smiled around the gag and gazed at Edward who started to stir. Well damn, he even came out of his Chloroform induced sleep faster than me. His head swayed around for a minute before he lifted it gazing around at all of us.

"What the-" He groaned, his eyes met mine, "Oh Bella…"

_Wait. Why the hell am I the only one gagged?_

"Are you alright?" I nodded and he fidgeted. "Fucking idiots." The rope that bounded him shortly dropped to the floor and he bent down to do the ties on his legs. I fumbled around too, and noticed that the knot that kept the rope against me was tied right behind my hands and they were tide shoe string style. I gave a tug on the strand and the tie gave way.I bent over to work on the ties bounding my feet as Edward unbounded Leah. I undid my gag and then headed over to Jacob undoing his ropes.

"So what's your deal?" Leah inquired.

"I could ask you the same question." I sneered back, once Jacob was untied.

"I didn't mean for all of this to happen…"

"Just stop. Right now we need to focus on getting out." Edward ordered we all split up looking for a passage way out. I noticed Edward wince as he moved a few bricks. I went to him and lightly pulled his shirt up his side. I gasped at what I saw.

"Oh god…" I moaned, a large gash that was obviously very deep bleed continuously. My eyes met his, "Edward,"

"I'm fine, I swear." He pulled me into a hug and I clutched onto his shoulder blades, burying my face in his neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist and I pulled back from his neck peppering his face with kisses. "Stop… stop, Baby. We need to-"I cut off his words with a kiss and hugged him to me.

"I'm sorry I slapped you." I whispered laying kisses all over his cheek, "I'm sorry… so fucking sorry." I continued to kiss him until we were cut off by a throat clearing.

"As touching as this is, James is coming." Leah whisper yelled from across the small space.

No sooner than the words left her mouth, a door opened.

…JCE…

**Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!**

**I'm not all that sure about this chapter… Did'ju like?**

**Um… Is anyone else about to shit themselves in anticipation for Breaking Dawn Part I… you know… besides me? I spent my writing hours today watching Twilight through Eclipse I'm so pumped… Oh my gosh *buzzes***

**Leave me your thoughts on… whatever… they are appreciated. Here's the deal. If we get to 245 reviews, I will post the Shopping fiasco publicly as an outtake tomorrow (So put me on author alert!)**


	18. Chapter 18

**So I was looking over chapters and reviews and I wanted to correct some previous mistakes.**

**Ellie is five. Not eight.**

**Bella should have only learned about Ellie and Edwards relationship when he (Edward) tells her**

**Last chapter I didn't mean Rent- A- Center I meant U-Haul storage area**

**Thanks to: kembie, Catbratty, dazzleglo, melissamary55, ClancyJane, MaryMary123, Ellelovesedward, alc1002, kelliekinz, totes. mah. Gotes, dr. meow1234, Rainbow square. Thanks for reviewing! You are the ones that keep these updates coming!**

**Thanks for the Alerts and Favorites!**

**Yeah so I am sorry about the lateness of this update… Klutz is in the Drama biz… and so she has been gone since the beginning of the week so if these chapters are shit I fully take the blame. But I hope they aren't so… Oh and I have been working on a paper which is just **_**breaking my back**_** so that kept me to busy to write yesterday. I know… excuses, excuses.**

**St**

…JCE…

I pulled away from Edward and turned towards the opening door.  
>"Well well well. What do we have here?" James questioned, Leah moved toward him and I grabbed her shoulder halting her.<p>

"Don't you say a fucking word." I ordered as Edward stepped forward in front of Leah and I.

"How'd you sleep, pretty boy?" Edward glared at him and I bit my tongue.

_Jackass._

"James. Cut the shit. What do you want with us?" I growled over Edward's shoulder and James smirked at me.

"Well nothing, princess. But you decided to stick your pretty little nose into my business and fucked up my shit. When you fuck up my shit, I fuck you up." Three burly men that rivaled Emmett's size came into the room, eying the five of us in the middle of the storage room. The guys walked around us until they were blocking us from escaping.

James snapped at the one closest to me. He moved in on my and restrained my arms, pressing my body against his chest. Edward spun towards us so quickly I though he was going to fall over. The man next to Edward restrained him, and when he struggled he was slammed against the wall.

"Don't fucking touch her." He growled dangerously. It was painfully obvious that these big guys were Rent-A-Douches, because Edward through a jab into the bigger mans side, before turning and forcing the man against the wall by his throat. His other hand reached up and he flicked him in his Adams apple, making the man hit the floor.

_Mmmm_.

_Is it me or was that sexy as fuck?_

I let out a quiet moan and the creep holding me ran his nose up my neck. "Oh so your boyfriends a tough guy huh?" Edward made to come at the man and had his legs knocked out from under him by the third big guy and a cloth was pressed over his face.

"Husband, dick sickle." I gripped; I lifted my foot and slammed it down onto his foot.

"Hmm, not so tough now." He whispered, before burying his nose in my hair.

"Fuck off, limp dick."

He groaned in my ear, "Feisty." Then took my earlobe between his lips. I let out a disgusted gag and attempted to writhe out of his grasp as his hand moved up my ribcage.

"No Caius. I don't recall asking you to do any of that." James 'tsk'ed lightly, he gently slapped his hand. "Just hold her arms, alright big guy?" Caius crossed my arms behind my back and my chest prominently on display. James walked his dirty ass up into my face and leaned forward.

He eyed my chest before meeting my eyes, "And what is your name, beautiful?" He asked resting his hand on my hip.

"Get the fuck away from me, asshole." I growled. James rested his hands on my hips and pressed against me, smashing my body between the two of them. My head snapped towards Jake and Leah. She was cowering in the corner and Jacob was being restrained by the jackass that knocked out Edward.

"You're just lovely. But that mouth is going to get you in quite a bit of trouble." He ran his thumb over my bottom lip and I bit him. "See?" His eyes turned toward the floor anf he was across the room and back again. He wiped the gag off and stuffed it into my mouth again. "Mhmm, Better." He smiled and ran his hand over my ass. My entire being filled with rage and I threw my knee into his groin. I started screaming around the gag as James stumbled back, fell to his knees, and cried out.

I tossed my head back, against Caius's pointy as fuck nose, and heard a sickening crack. He dropped my arms and his hands flew to his nose. I pulled my gag out and yanked my gun out of my ankle holster. I pointed the gun at the third R-A-D, that was holding Jake. His eyes went wide.

"Listen fuck tard. I know this might be a hard situation to comprehend but when I hold the gun up like this," I gestured to the gun and spoke slowly. "You let him go." I jerked the gun towards Jacob. The man let Jacob go and he stumbled towards Leah. Jacobs captor was promptly shot in the foot, disabling him. James got back on his feet and I put a quick bullet in his foot. Knowing that I would get mass shit from Emmett about that later. I quickly shot the other guard, whose nose I had broken, I got his foot as well.

"Get up." I ordered Leah and Jacob, I went to Edward and knelt down next to him.

"Oh, Baby. Always getting knocked out." I propped his head up in my lap and ran my fingers through his hair. James and R-A-C were still scrambling around and losing their shit on the ground, feet away.

"Jacob! Come help Edward, please?" He nodded ensuring that Leah was on her feet before coming to us. Once we got situated the four of us exited the warehouse. Jacob and I supported Edwards dead weight and Leah cowered behind us.

"God he is heavy as fuck." Jacob complained, I shrugged he was also tall and built so yeah, he was going to be heavy.

"So… what was that?" He asked.

"What was what?"

"The whole guns and kicking ass thing…"

"Don't worry about it." I murmured. A large black Ford pulled up next to us and a little woman hopped out.

"Oh hell. I knew you two weren't anything but trouble, from the minute I met you." Ms. Isabella gripped.

"What're you doing here?"

"Oh I'm sorry, Cullen. Next time I want to get my things out of storage should I consult you?" I shook my head.

"Get him in the car." She ordered, Jake opened her back door and helped me slide Edward into the car, crawling in after me. Leah hopped into the front.

"Bella… I don't know what to say…" Leah stated awkwardly.

_Well you can say something like "I am so sorry I was such an ignorant whore." But you know that's just me._

"I knew I shouldn't have gone to you… And you're pregnant-"

"Oh, Congrats." Jacob smiled and I nodded in thanks.

"Oh god I feel so bad."

"Yep. You fucked up. That's for sure." I said in a no nonsense tone.

Miss Isabella jumped into the front seat and meticulously observed out state.

"What happened to you all?"

"Long story." Leah muttered.

_Bitch._

"Miss Isabella may I use your phone?" She tossed one of those big Nokia's into the back seat and I gently flipped it open typing in a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Emmett, we need back up at the U-Haul storage area on Eclipse Ave. Number 11. James and accessories are there. I have Leah and Jacob with me though. We are on our way back to the house."

"What the fuck, one of you needs to stay with the men at the storage area."

"I have to stay with Leah and Jake and Edward was chloroformed. Just hurry. There are four men. All are shot in the foot; one with a broken nose and one was hit in the jugular. That was all Edward and me, though."

"Fuck, do you know how much paper work you'll have to go through because of that?" I sighed and nodded. Then realizing he couldn't see me I answered him.

"Just get men down there. Now." He hung up and I hand Miss Isabella her phone back. I picked up Edwards hand cradling it in mine. After speaking with Emmett I realized that if this mission was over then everything was over. No more Edward, and No more Ellie. An empty feeling overtook my body, as I thought of the future. I scooted closer to Edward when I realized I would possibly lose him soon. I picked up his hand and brought it to his lips. And for the first time in my life, I cried over a guy.

…JCE…

_**Hope you all enjoyed**_

_**Review! If we get to 255, I will update tomorrow!**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello Lovers! Thanks for all of your reviews and alerts! They make my die a little on the inside from happiness. Possible? I don't know**

**Thanks to: devilelf, ClancyJane, dazzleglo, kembie, vampirelove11, xShazzJammyKalsix, kelliekinz, MaryMary123, crazy-chick-4life, alc1002, dr .meow1234, LullabyGirl, blue eyes lover, melissamary55, sujari6, Inserthilariousnamehere, Juanita, and totes. mah .gotes.**

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…**JCE…**

"You guys aren't very good at your job…" Alice insulted as we watched Jake and Jasper carry Edward inside. "He's not dead is he?" Her nonchalance caught me off guard and I couldn't suppress my incredulous look.

"What? No!"

"Okay, okay!" She said putting her hands up between us. "You look terrible."

"Is that so? Well next time I'm out getting drugged and beaten up I'll make sure I primp before reporting back to you." I snipped.

"If you'd be so kind." She joked, "No but seriously, you're like… purple." She reached up and touched my cheek, which I had just realized was throbbing like there was no tomorrow.

I shook my head at her. "Where's Ellie?"

"Um…"

"Alice. The last thing I need, is for you to have lost my daughter."

"Well then you're okay."

"What?"

"She's not technically your daughter." She shrugged I have never wanted to shove a window down someone's throat so much.

"Where is Ellie?" I asked slowly.

She shrugged, "Probably off being a little jackass to the strange man on the street who gave her candy. Don't worry, he'll bring her back after a while. Lord knows I wanted to find you guys when you were off being all ass kickedy, and give her back." I rolled my eyes as we walked into the house.

"Where do you want 'em, dumplin'?" Jazz asked.

"The bedroom," he nodded and they took off.

"I'm guessing you want me to go find your kid…" Alice muttered and I shot her a pointed look before she sighed and stomped off in the other direction. Once Alice left Ellie rounded the corner with a small glass.

"Hey Mommy," I swept her into my arms and held on tightly to her as the glass dangled precariously from her hand. "What happened to you?" She asked pressing her hand to my cheek. I yanked my head back from her touch, before smiling apologetically. My cheek killed, actually most of my face and arms did. I diverted her attention by plucking the cup from her hands.

"What's this?"

"I dunno. Aunt Alice gave it to me before she left. I don't want to drink it though… It might be bleach." I sniffed it and chuckled. It was just water.

"I don't think she would try to kill you, Ellie." I laughed. She shook her head at me.

"You never know. Hoe's be cwazy these days." I didn't bother to correct her, choosing to hug her tighter. "Where's Daddy?" She questioned.

"He's sleeping, Honey." She nodded easily accepting my answer. I carried her into the living room, where Jasper, Jacob and Leah sat. Once I had taken a seat I saw Alice wandering around the back yard looking for Ellie.

"What's she doing?" Jasper asked once she came into view. I shrugged and moved Ellie off of my lap so that she was out of the view of the window.

_The bitch deserved it._

"Could you explain what's going on?" Jake asked.

"She cheated on you. Almost got you killed." I said, nodding my head towards Leah. She was frowning down at her hands as she twiddled her thumbs.

"I was there for that part. I meant you and them…" He gestured to Jasper and Alice, who was still wandering around the back yard. I think she had given up looking, unless she thought Ellie was going to pop up out of the ground.

"Well, Edward and myself are agents. And they," I pointed at Jasper and then at the window. "are just extremely good with the techno crap and extremely smart. In his case." I clarified as I watched the jack ass in my back yard. She threw up her hands and sat in the grass, and pulled out her phone.

"So, you just happened to be in the area when all of this goes down or what?"

"No we were sent out here, by our respective departments. Jasper and Alice just happened to be down here."

"Respective departments?" Leah asked. I nodded, "You aren't married?" She concluded and I shook my head.

"What?" Ellie shrieked. I gave her a weird look. Was this not something she knew? "Wait… No. Yeah I already knew that." My phone rang and I left the room to answer it, opting to head into the bedroom instead. I pressed the 'talk' button as I sat next to Edward's unconscious form.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah we got them, you and Edward need to get to the station now. The one in Forks… I meant."

"Alright, well at the moment-" I looked at Edwards sleeping face, if you could call it that. "Edward is indisposed."

"Well Edward doesn't have time to be 'indisposed,'" He mocked my voice. "Unless he's dead…" He trailed off awkwardly. My god, have people never heard of being passed out? Everyone wants to jump to dead.

"No, they chloroformed him, he should wake up soon though. Can't you all come over here? Jacob and Leah are already with us."

He huffed, "Fine. But only because Edwards out." He conceded.

"Okay, great. Thanks." I made to hang up but stopped when his voice rang out again.

"Oh and Bella you kind of fucked up with the whole shooting them in the foot thing."

"How do you know it wasn't in self-defense, They fucking chloroformed me and Edward. Twice in his case."

"We'll talk about this when I get there." He hung up and I dropped down next to Edward, I picked up his heavy hand and intertwined our fingers. I let go of his hand to lift up the side of his shirt, taking in the gash I'd seen earlier. Blood was dried around it, but at least the bleeding stopped. I hopped up and went to the bathroom, grabbing a wash cloth and wetting it. I went back to where Edward lay and lifted his shirt again, running the wash cloth over his red skin. I sat up and gently straddled his waist as I cleaned his torso, and then around his mouth, where his lip was split open.

"Hey! I found her!" Alice shouted excitedly as she pulled Ellie in the room by her hand. "Woah," She slammed her hands over Ellie's eyes, "Now Bella, I'm okay with kinky shit. But necrophiliacism kinda' pushes the limit…"

_Kinda?_

"He's not dead, Alice!" I shouted. "And I'm not f-" I looked at Ellie and attempted to censor myself, "ucking him." Oops, didn't work.

_I said 'attempted'._

She gave me a weird look and led Ellie, who was fighting to see her dad, out of the room. I got off of Edward and moved to the door.

"Ellie, honey. Daddies not decent at the moment. Okay?" She nodded and looked into my eyes, all traces of mirth and happiness that her big green eyes usually held gone.

"Is he okay?" Her thumb went into her mouth reminding me of her true age, she was so mature sometimes it was easy to forget how old she really was. I knelt down in front of her and tugged at her thumb until her lips released it.

"He will be fine." She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I kissed her head and smoothed down her hair, before she let go of me. "I love you, Pumpkin."

"I love you too, Mommy." She kissed my cheek and took Alice's hand again letting her lead her down the hallway. I heard a groan from behind me.

"Well isn't that just precious?" Edward muttered groggily. I stood up and looked at him.

"What can I say? I'm a precious moment kind of girl." I smiled at him. "How do you feel?" He gently pushed himself into a sitting position before looking at me strangely.

"I'm fine... Do you mind telling me who you are?"

I gaped at him as he rubbed his head, "Are you serious?" I went to the bed and sat next to him, giving him a concerned look.

But when he yelled, "Stranger danger!" I knew he was fucking with me. I slapped his thigh and gripped my chest.

"Don't do that to me. Jackass!" I scolded.

"I'm sorry, Baby." He whispered, looking so unapologetic I wanted to hit him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me next to him, nuzzling my neck. I cupped his cheek and brought his lips to mine.

"I heard you kicked ass in the woods." I frowned at my botched sentence.

"Oh yeah. Don't mind the fact that I was taken out like a light by a cloth. Twice." I chuckled lightly at his comment.

"How about you? How do you feel?"

"Eh, so- so. I'm a little sore, and my face is horrible. But according to you it was ugly before so it probably doesn't look too much different." I bitched turning away from him, inwardly smiling.

"You look beautiful as always, Baby."

"And now you're lying? There is just no progress with you."

"Women." He sighed, the bed shifted with his movement as he lay back down. I looked over my shoulder to see he had closed his eyes before slapping his pec and jumping off of the bed.

"Agh! What the-" He screamed. He got out of the bed carefully and came after me. I headed for the door but he was faster, he hooked his arm around my waist and tossed me onto the bed, crawling above me and kissing my lips. "I don't appreciate that. How can you be okay with slapping a cripple?"

"You're not a cripple. You're a jackass." I muttered as I pulled his lips back to mine.

"What's up with you?" He asked once I released him.

"What're you talking about?"

"You're all lovey dovey… If I had known it would take getting stabbed to make you like this I would have done that the day your mother came over." He grinned and I slapped his shoulder.

"Hey Bella?" Jasper's voice rang out in the hall, I slapped a hand over Edwards mouth before asking Jasper what he wanted.

"We're going to take Ellie out for ice cream, she needs to get out of the house. Jacob and Leah are going home for a while to get cleaned up okay?"

"Alright." Edward licked my palm.

"What'd you do that for."

_I want you all to myself for a while._

"I couldn't hear for your big mouth." I lied. He rolled off of me and I sat up.

"So how'd you guys get out."

"I shot them all." Edward shot up and looked at me like I had three heads. "I didn't kill them! Just a little hit in the foot…"

"As long as you didn't kill them. God I shouldn't have sat up so quickly…" He whimpered as he peeled off his shirt. I watched her muscles ripple with the action and almost fainted. He was sexy as fuck, even if he was stabbed and black and blue.

_I want to hump him…_

I was suddenly hit with images of him kicking the goon from the storage area's ass, and my arousal rushed between my legs like there was no tomorrow. I threw my leg across his lap and righted myself so that I was straddling him. I wrapped my hands in his hair and yanked him to me, fusing his lips with mine. His hands cupped my ass as he responded eagerly to the kiss. I moaned wantonly as his hands moved to my chest cupping and squeezing my breasts.

"I don't know what brought this on but I'm not complaining." He whispered in between pants and kisses. I kissed down his neck and laid an open mouth kiss at the base of his neck. His hands made quick work of the buttons on my shirt. He ripped the fabric away from my torso before burying his head between my supple mounds. His breath ghosted over my nipples, making them tighten and stand at attention. He turned his attention to the straining peeks, biting and sucking them through the fabric of my bra. I rocked against his hard cock that was confined by his slacks.

"You're so beautiful." He complemented as he pulled the cups of my bra away from my breasts, he tweaked at my nipples and lavished my neck with his tongue. I moved my hands from his hair and undid his pants. His hand shot down to grasp mine and I looked into his heavily lidded eyes.

"Don't start anything you can't finish, Baby." I rocked on him even harder at his words.

"I'm going to finish, I need to…" I moaned breathlessly as I pulled his dick out, I ran my thumb over the tip where pre-cum had collected and massaged his thick and long shaft. His head fell back with my motions and I kissed down his neck. His hands quickly made work of my flimsy bra and he tossed it to the side before falling onto his back, watching my breasts.

"Oh god, _Baby_…" He was by far the most vocal man I had ever been with.

_Sexy as fuck._

I ran my hand up his shaft again before replacing it with my mouth. He gripped the top of my arms and pulled me back up his chest.

"No, Baby, I need to be inside of you." He groaned and I moaned as I started to undo my pants. He flipped us so that he hovered above me and batted my fumbling hands away, his lithe ones easily making work of my fly and pulling my jeans down my hips. He laid butterfly kisses down my stomach as he pulled my underwear away from my body. Once my panties were down far enough I kicked them off. Edward pulled back once more and looked at me murmuring:

"Gorgeous." I smiled breathlessly at him and he slipped his hand between my legs coating his fingers in arousal and rubbing my clit in tight circles.

"Mmmm, dear goodness…" I moaned, his tongue lavished my breast and I pulled him back up my body to meet my lips.

"You ready?" I nodded and moaned my approval and he lined himself up at my entrance. His head pushed in and I adjusted to the slight stretch.

"Bella?" Emmett's voice boomed, I looked up at Edward in panic and the door shot open soon after. Edward hit my chest, making sure I was completely covered as Emmett took in the situation. "Fucking hell!" He screamed about thirty seconds later. "Indisposed. My. Ass!" He screamed before pulling the door open so hard that it slammed against the wall and he raced out of the room. "Get dressed!" He screamed his voice about three octaves higher than usual. Edward had gone completely flaccid against my pussy.

"Not a-fucking-gain! I'm never going to fucking get any!" Edwards chest vibrated with laughter as I screeched in exasperation.

"Mother fuck!" Emmett raved as I heard him stopping through the house. My eyes locked with Edwards and he slowly lifted off of me. He stood from the bed and quickly found his boxers.

"I'm sorry, I completely forgot he was coming…" I trailed off, he just smirked and planted a kiss on me.

"Just because I left doesn't mean I want you to keep at it!" Emmett yelled, I sprung up and started to redress. Edward went into the bathroom and washed his hands before heading out of the door with my newly dressed form following him.

"I should kick your ass. Both of you!" Edward and I stood in the middle of the living room and Leah, Jacob and a few other cops took up the only other seats, I blushed deeply as I realized that Emmett wasn't the only one that knew of our… activities.

"I thought you weren't married." Leah said accusingly.

"We aren't but neither were you and James." I bit out.

Emmett's hand wrapped around my arm and he pulled me away from Edward.

"Oh we need to have a talk."

"Emmett, I am a grown ass woman. Get off of me." I hissed. He let go of my arm. We sat down and gave our little spiel to the officers. We each talked to two different officers so that they could be sure that we told the truth. When they had collected all of what they needed.

The front door opened and Alice's eyes widened. She had that look on her face that said 'Oh shit. I'm about to haul ass'. Jasper must have seen it because he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into the room.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen." He greeted and pulled her into the room, Ellie ran towards Edward and he swept her into his arms peppering her face with kisses.

"Isabella, I am sorry to say this but we need to take you into the station." An officer said quietly as she stood and retrieved a pair of hand cuffs from her belt.

"Aw fuck." I groaned as she cuffed me.

…**JCE…**

**Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!**

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	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, so I got a WHOLE bunch of reviews from people who weren't to happy about Bella being arrested… so here I hope this chapter explains a bit more.**

**Thanks to: kembie (You're reviews are too funny. I always know I'll get a reaction from you when it comes to the cockblocking haha), Dazzleglo, blue eyes lover, alc1002, melissamary55, Inserthilariousnamehere (love your pen name :D), crazy-chick-4life, twi-hard007, kelliekinz, IamRomance, sujari6, ADADancer, MaryMary123, dr. meow1234, and totes. mah. Gotes**

**You all make me so happy!**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies!**

…JCE…

Emmett walked beside me as we entered the dreary and lifeless police station. Edward was behind us with Ellie and The Clearwater-Blacks. The receptionist looked up at us boredly like there were constantly groups of bomb survivors entering the station. We honestly did look that bad. Our clothes were muddy from being manhandled in the woods and we smelled like shit because of the storage area. And then there was Edward and all that blood.

Emmett flashed his badge and she mumbled, "Investigation room number one." He nodded and led me roughly by the arm.

"Hey, Jackass. Don't forget who I am. Handcuffs or not I won't hesitate to tear your shit up." Ellie giggled behind me and I flushed.

_Hey, I forgot she was there._

Emmett pushed the Investigation room open and I stared at my feet. When I looked back up I expected to see gray walls, metal furniture and Emmett's grim expression. And I got all of that except there was another unexpected face in the room as well. Sitting at the metal table was one pissed off Chief. My eyes went wide as I heard the door behind me slam shut, leaving only Emmett, the Chief and me in the small room.

"Oh this is awkward." I blurted out before I could stop myself. The Chief raised an eyebrow at me and came to sit on top of the table in front of me, that signature cop pose with one leg dangling of the table and one on the ground with his hands folded in his lap. "You look good, Chief. They years have treated you well." I schmoozed. He shook his head and frowned as he took in my handcuffs.

"You escorted your sister here in cuffs?" He looked to Emmett who just shrugged and made no move to release me. The chief shot a pointed look towards my wrists, "Take them off that's not necessary. I just wanted to speak with her." Emmett sighed and unlocked the heavy metal cuffs. As soon as my hands were free I shot my hand up and punched him in the chest, before rubbing my sore wrists.

"Hey! Aren't you going to say anything about that?" He whined, the older gentleman shook his head.

"You deserved it." I smiled and waited for the chiefs words.

"Yeah. So you are in quite a bit of trouble, for that stunt that you pulled." The Chief gave me a look that made me want to crawl up inside myself.

"Which one?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"How many were there?"

"Doesn't matter if you were speaking of a specific one. Now which one are you talking about?"

"Isabella."

"Hey, don't try and play me, Chief."

"Have you forgotten who you're speaking to?" He asked angrily getting red in the face, I sat back farther in my chair.

"No, sir." I mumbled feeling like I was six again.

"Alright. Well I was speaking of the shootings."

"Oh… yeah." I trailed awkwardly. "Well, you know after being drugged, beaten and held hostage… I didn't think a bullet to the foot was all that much hardship… I mean they stabbed Edward."

"Edward, Edward, Edward. Is that all you think about?" Emmett roared as he jerked my chair around to face him.

"Hey now buddy. Don't get ahead of yourself." I warned calmly, in my quiet before the storm voice.

_That jackass was about to rat me out._

"Oh well if it isn't the teacup preaching to the kettle-" He ranted.

"That wasn't right." I said giving him the stink eye.

His face turned to glow the same shade of purple as the Chiefs, "You know what's not right? Fucking your partner!" The Chief jumped off of the table as I sprung up and reigned punches on Emmett's chest.

_Jackass._

The Chief pulled me back and spun me around to face him. His face was still a dark purple and I was wondering when his legs were going to give way from loss of blood flow.

"You _what_?" I turned on Emmett and punched him again.

"Hate you." I turned back to Charlie, "I did _not_ fuck him_._" I stressed.

"Oh yeah then why did I walk in to see Masen's lily white ass on top of you?"

"Shh, Emmett it's okay. We were just having adult time." I patted his arm and the Chief barked at us to give him our attention.

"That's highly unprofessional." He scolded I stared at my red wrists guiltily.

"So was shooting those men." Emmett through in.

"You're mothers unprofessional." I quipped.

"I agree. Have you seen her lately?" Emmett said looking at me with wide eyes.

"Oh god yes. That was terrible she looks a mess."

"Last I heard she was in Canada." Charlie threw in.

"Yeah, no. Last I saw of her she was high as I don't know what. And that boyfriend of hers… he is like thirteen. Gross."

"She always did like the young ones… How'd she end up with you, Chief?"

"I was young at some point." Charlie rolled his eyes. "Then I had two jackasses that she called kids…"

"Yeah, kids'll do that to you." I mumbled in an attempt to keep them off topic.

"What do you know about kids, Bella. It's like a crime for you to own children."

"Yeah. Well 'owning' anyone sounds like a crime in its self. But are you forgetting that I have been living with that one for months." I said jerking a thumb towards the door.

Charlie held up his hands in a weighing motion, "Months… _years_." He shifted his hands up and down.

"And apparently you were fucking her father as well. That should take some of the stress off."

"Hey now don't you judge me. That's a recent development. And I'm not fucking him." I defended.

"Both of you watch your fucking language." Charlie scolded. "Now Bella I don't approve of your… _Activities _with Agent Masen. But we aren't here to talk about that. Those men that you shot. Stay on topic."

_I'd rather not…_

"Well I had to maim them or else we wouldn't have gotten anywhere."

"You're 'maiming' has gotten you suspended on account of you not having been in physical contact with two of the other men you shot."

"Ah shit." I groaned.

"You'll be able to finish out this case but after that you are to leave for half of a year and then get back into a law enforcement training camp before rejoining the force." He rattled out. I put my head in my hands. What the fuck was I going to do? Life doesn't just stop in that six months. I would have to apply for some shit job that would _maybe_ pay for the life style I keep.

"I'm sorry honey." Charlie rubbed my back and I felt my heart drop. I looked up at him my vision blurred with tears that were begging to be shed.

"I saved two lives though. Shouldn't that count for _something_?" He shook his head.

"It just got you out of jail time." I stood from my chair and wiped my eyes before meeting his saddened stare.

"Is that it?" I asked stoically all traces of humor gone from everyone in the room. He nodded and I turned to leave, Emmett grabbed the door and opened it for me.

"Sorry, Bell." I nodded.

"Yeah, me too."

…JCE…

**Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!**

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	21. Chapter 21

**So Klutz was supposed to come back but after a particularly boring day I wrote this entire chapter… I feel bad… She shall return later though!**

**Thanks to our amazing reviewers and constants: storyluvr12, kembie, dazzleglo, HallWin-jdm86, alc1002, MaryMary123, crazy-chick-4life, melissamary55, Polishbella21, Mrz. JasperHale4Ever, kelliekinz, sujari6, Twifan1986, Inserthilariousnamehere, and dr. meow1234.**

**Ya'll bring tears to my eyes**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies!**

**Be warned! This chapter isn't as happy as the others but don't give up!**

…JCE…

Emmett followed me out of the room and softly touched my arm.

"Bell, you go ahead and ride home with the Masen's." I nodded and went out into the lobby where Edward and Ellie sat. Ellie was knocked out on Edwards shoulder and he held her to him tightly while brushing down her hair. I smiled at the sweet sight and he looked up. When he saw us he slowly stood, being careful not to rattle Ellie, he shifted her weight over to one arm and took me in the other.

"What happened?" He whispered as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"I've been suspended. For six months." I groaned.

"I'm sorry, Baby." He said quietly as he kissed the top of my head.

"Agent Masen you will have until the day after tomorrow to get all of your things together and return home." Edward met Emmett's eyes and nodded before taking my hand and leading me out to the car. Once we were all situated in the Volvo I stared at Edwards profile until he sent me a weird look.

"What?" He shot me a look out of the corner of his eye and I swallowed hard as I realized I wouldn't be able to see him once this was all over.

Two days.

I just shook my head and wrapped my hand around his, holding our conjoined hands up to my cheek.

_I was going to miss being a Cullen._

…JCE…

"No! Wait, don't put her in bed yet." I pleaded with Edward, holding out my arms to take the sleeping child.

"Bella, it's ten at night."

"Do you realize that I only get to be Mommy for one more day? Give her to me. Please?" I said getting choked up as I looked at her sweet face.

"Oh…" He said quietly, he passed Ellie to me and pecked my lips before we split. I headed into the living room and folded myself up on the couch cradling Ellie to my chest.

"Oh kid… If I knew I was going to miss you this much when we first met I wouldn't have taken this case." I kissed her cheek and she yawned adorably. "You know… you should sleep more often. You're easier to talk to."

And then she farted on me before smiling sleepily.

"I love you, pumpkin." I said quietly as I nuzzled her cheek. She stirred and her eyes shifted behind the lids. She twisted in my arms before her eyes opened and she gazed at me.

"Mommy?" She reached up and touched my face, I cocked an eyebrow at her. "I love you too." She whispered before snuggling against my breast and falling asleep again. I held her like that for the longest until Edward entered the room, leaning against the doorway.

"Can I put her to bed now?" I nodded and handed her over.

I followed them into Ellies room, kissing her goodnight once more before leaving the room with Edward. I collapsed on the bed once it was in sight and Edward chuckled at me before coming to sit next to me. He pulled my head into his lap and ran his hands through the dirty strands of hair there.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you two." I admitted.

"Baby, just because the case is ends doesn't mean you won't ever see us again." I sat up from his lap and gazed into his eyes. I shrugged and headed into the bathroom. Turning on the water as hot as it would go, I peeled off my clothes and jumped into the warm spray. The water stung my skin and I let the tears I had been holding back slowly drip down my cheeks.

Who would have thought that in the short time I spent with Edward and Ellie I would fall in love twice. In two _totally _different ways.

_Don't get me wrong._

My chest felt like it was crumbling apart as I realized that I would wake up in Edwards arms anymore. I wouldn't have Ellie to confuse the fuck out of me on a daily basis anymore. I sat down in the corner of the large shower and curled into fetal position as I wept. The sounds of the water covered up my quiet sobs and I let the water sting my skin for a good fifteen minutes before the bathroom door opened.

"Bella?" Edwards soft voice rang out and I wiped my eyes, even though the tear tracks wouldn't be visible while I was being pelted by water. I heard his footsteps echo thought the bathroom.

"Jesus, Baby. Why is it so hot in here?" I shrugged and kept quiet even though I knew he wasn't able to see the motion. I heard his clothes hit the floor before the shower door opened and he adjusted the scalding temperature. He sat next to my naked, red and curled up body.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

_Really?_

"I love you." I whispered. His eyebrows furrowed and my heart dropped once I realized he probably didn't feel the same way.

"When? Was I awake for this?" he asked.

"What are you _talking about?_"

"Hey now, don't act like _I'm _the strange one."

"Wow... way to turn me down gently." I groaned.

"Wait. You've confused me. What are you talking about?" I threw my hands up and knocked my head against the shower wall.

"Calm down, Baby."

"I poured my heart out to you-" _Bella style. _"And you call me strange. Don't worry my feelings aren't hurt." I muttered sarcastically into my knees.

"That was you 'pouring your heart out'? You're admission to _violating_ me?" He asked with a scared look on his face.

"What? Violating you? I never did that!" I defended.

_That kind of stuff only happened in my dreams. _

_Which he didn't need to know about._

"You said and I quote 'I touched you.' That's violation if I wasn't previously aware of that fact, says the state of Detroit."

"I didn't say I- Detroit isn't a state, honey." I said patting his head sympathetically.

"Whatever. What did you say then?"

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his head towards my mouth, "I love you." I kissed his cheek before releasing him. He sat up slowly and stared at the shower door, and after about five minutes I mirrored his position. Believe it or not this was worse than him calling me strange.

Another five minutes passed and my hands started to shake.

_I fucked up badly._

"I…" He whispered, his voice cracked and he blushed. "I love you too, Bella." My hand found his and we sat with our hands entwined on the shower floor until the water turned cold. Sitting on that cold shower floor seemed to be the most intimate moment the two of had shared our entire stay here. Not the kissing, not the almost sex. Just us.

_But If it were up to me only I would have been humping him by now._

…JCE…

"What do you call an elephant in the north pole?"

"A dumbass." I huffed under my breath. Edward bumped me with his arm and Ellie looked up at me with an exasperated huff. I leaned over and shoved some more clothes into my large suitcase. Edward and I had this method where I would shove a pile of clothes into my suitcase and then he would take them out fold them and set them in neatly.

"You know, we could save a _lot_ of time if you would just fold the clothes the first time." I gave him a look similar to the one on Ellie's face and he shrugged.

"In case you were wondering it was 'lost'." Ellie muttered. "Where are you going, Mommy?" She asked as if just realizing I was packing.

"I'm going home, pumpkin." I mumbled.

"Oh, okay." She leaned over the suitcase and took the clothes out.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I grabbed a hold of the stack that she picked up.

"You are home." She said like it was the simplest thing in the world. I sighed heavily and tugged the clothes back towards the suitcase.

"No, Ellie. I have an actual house. Just like you and Daddy do. It's in Portland." She frowned and let go of the clothes.

"That's not fair." She mumbled. She jumped off of the bed and left the room. I looked to Edward and he held up his hand before exiting the room. I sat on the bed next to the suitcase and waited. I didn't have to wait long because about a minute later Edward walked back in with Ellie over his shoulder. She was slapping away at his back. I stood and pulled her into my arms.

"I don't want you to go, Mommy." She whined as she clung to my neck.

"It's not like you won't ever get to see her, honey." Edward sighed rolling his eyes as he brushed her hair. "We are moving to Portland anyway," He soothed we both looked at him with wide eyes.

"Are you really?" I asked excitedly he nodded and I dropped Ellie onto the bed and jumped at him, wrapping my legs around his waist and straggling him in a hug. "I _love_ you!" I squeaked before peppering his face with kisses.

"Okay, love is gweat and all but I'm still here." I pulled away from Edward and unwrapped myself.

"New… love…" I muttered, "Oh shit! What about Mike?" I looked up into Edwards eyes feigning fear.

"Mike?"

"I forgot all about him… "

"Bella… Oh I see, okay.. you're messing with me. Haha, very funny." He rolled his eyes, I upheld my scared expression. Edward dropped down onto the bed next to me and buried his head in his hands.

Ellie tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to face her and she waved a fist in my face.

"Hey, you better be joking or else I got a can of whoop ass that's waitin' for you to pop the top." I couldn't help but laugh as she threatened me. Edwards head popped up and her face softened.

"Nevermind, we aren't moving to Portland, Ellie. Mommy doesn't love us." He pulled her towards him and whispered in her ear before they unleashed two sets of the same wide puppy dog eyes. Then Ellie stopped and scowled unbeknownst to Edward.

"I can't do it." She groaned. She fixed her features into an angry scowl, "You just suck."

"Oh that hurt."

"You know what's going to hurt is my-"

"_And _Ellie stops talking now." Edward frowned at her and covered her mouth. "You go and put your toys in…" He stood and crossed over to the closet before pulling out a large pink suitcase. "this. Okay?" She nodded and pulled the suitcase out of the room. I looked into Edwards eyes.

"You Miss Swan are trouble."

"Is that so?"

"It is." He pulled me off of the bed and pushed me against the nearest wall. "You had me worried for a second." He groaned, before kissing down my neck.

"You're moving to Portland?" I moaned.

"Yup." He pulled back and smiled at me.

"I love you."

"I know." He kissed me and I grinned at him.

"So as for this whole _moving thing_… Ellie and I are going to need some temporary housing…"

…JCE…

**Hope you enjoyed and/or laughed.**

**Review… If we get to three hundred you shall receive another chapter PRONTO**

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**Am I the only one falling over myself in excitement?**


	22. Chapter 22

**Klutz is ba-ack! **

**Thanks to all our readers, and reveiwers… and alerters!**

**Thanks for reviewing: melissamary55, alc1002, dazzleglo, vampirelove11, crazy-chick-4life, Allieamyxxx (haha thanks for coming out of your 'lurkerdom' we appreciate it!), bearygirl, dr. meow1234, kembie, totes .mah. gotes, and YellowFlowers1922.**

**Much love to you.**

**Special thanks to:** **melissamary55, alc1002, dazzleglo, crazy-chick-4life, dr. meow1234, kembie, and totes .mah. gotes.**

**You all have reviewed every chapter for as long as I can remember and thank you. Ya'll are our constants!**

**Haha in case you guys were wondering, Mike is not anyone to Bella, she just said that to mess with Edward**

…JCE…

"So they asked me to join their Portland Bureau." I overheard Jasper mumble to Edward. I looked over Alice's shoulder at him and grinned.

"Isn't it great? We can carpool home!" Alice rambled excitedly, "I call shotgun!"

"Alice there is no way the five of us are going to be able to sit in that car for hours together." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh please, it'll be the best road trip ever." She squealed like a teenage girl.

_I have never wanted to punch someone so much._

"What are you going to do about _your _car if you are riding in ours?" I asked with a raised brow. I leaned back against the large SUV and saw Ellie dragging her pink suitcase out of the door.

"She's not riding with us." Ellie said nonchalantly. Alice glared at her and Ellie glared right back. I took Ellie's suitcase and launched it into the trunk.

"I need to stop by the school to get some of my things and speak with the principal again." Edward said as he wrapped an arm around my waist, Alice and Ellie's bickering continued in front of us but went ignored. Alice was a big girl, she could handle a five year old. I nodded and he kissed my temple before releasing my and finding his way back into the house to pull out the rest of the suitcases.

I turned back to Ellie and Alice to see that Alice had turned her back on Ellie and Ellie, who was purple in the face, was yelling at her. "Oh okay I see how it is. If you keep ignoring me I'm going to need to comfort myself by having an ima-pentary friend. Then I'll fall in love with it and have babies. Mommy won't be happy with you if I end up being an old cat lady with an imagen-kary husband and children… and three teeth." Alice rolled her eyes and Ellie huffed.

"You know what? You not talking to people is why nobody likes you!" Ellie growled.

"Plenty of people like me smartness."

"Those man-ladies you find on corners don't count. In case you were wondering, you don't usually have to pay for company." Ellie stuck her tongue out and Alice bristled.

"Okay Ellie. When you get older I'll buy you a cat." She knelt down by Ellie and grabbed her hands, "And for months and months I will let you love that cat. And care for it. And then in the middle of the night I'll crawl into your bedroom where you're cuddling that cat." Ellie rolled her eyes. "And I will _punch_ you." I doubled over in laughter and ended up falling off of the bumper that I was perched on. I looked up at the two of them through teary eyes and pulled Ellie to me.

"Oh god… I love you." She hugged me and giggled with me. Alice stood above us, tapping her foot with her hands on her hips.

"Bella, I swear. She's like your evil clone. But worse."

"Bella!" A sweet voice called from across the street. I shot to my feet realizing how crazy I must have looked, lying on the driveway hallway under a big ass truck.

"Mrs. Facinelli, how are you?" I asked awkwardly.

"I'm great and you?" I gave her a thumb up and she laughed. "Hi, Honey." She crouched down in front of Ellie, who looked shockingly adorable.

"Hi. My names Ellie." She opened her arms for a hug and Mrs. Facinelli gave her a hug.

"Hi, Ellie. How's this second Mommy working out for you?"

"She's okay." Ellie smiled and I was wondering if I was the second. Alice stuck her hand out and smiled.

"Hi, I'm the _first_ Mommy."

"Esme…" Esme trailed off shooting me a look.

"She's kidding." I said, punching Alice in the shoulder.

"You ready, Bella?" Edward asked from behind me. His back was to us as he assisted Jasper in carrying out Ellie's head and foot board. We had already sent off the rest of the furniture that we had bought with us and we decided that we'd take all of the little stuff in the SUV .

"Ready."

"You're moving? But you just got here."

"Edward was relocated…"

"I thought he was a teacher." She cocked her head.

_Oh yeah…_

"He was asked to work at a college…"

"Oh! Well congratulations, Edward." She said happily to his back. He threw her a smile over his shoulder and inched Ellie's bed set into the car.

"Well... Mrs. Facinelli, it was lovely meeting you." I said shaking her hand, she nodded and hugged me.

"You too dear. Come back and visit soon, here's my card."

_Esme Facinelli_

_(202) 555-3763_

_Obstetrician_

_555 Boulevard way_

"I didn't know you were an obstetrician."

"Yes, Carlisle and I met in med school."

"Well, Bella here has a bun in the oven… so we might need to take you up on that at some point." Alice said before rubbing and cooing at my organs.

I batted her hands away and kicked her.

"I don-"

"Oh that's so exciting! You all seem like you're ready to go but when you need a doctor-" she tapped the card, "You know where to look." I smiled at her and just let her think whatever she wanted.

"Now what in the name of all that is holy, is all that raquet?" Ms. Isabella shouted from her porch. "Boy! Boy, now if you don't stop you're rough housin', I'm goin' to have to knock you one." Edward blushed and quieted down whatever he was doing. I hadn't even realized we had all gotten kind of loud. Edward and Jasper stopped wrestling and stood up, brushing off their clothes.

"Uh, uh. Who does she think she is?" Ellie asked looking up at me sassily. I just shrugged and Ellie marched over to the older woman.

"Now you _look._ That's my Daddy that you're talking to. I don't know _who you think you are._ But I am going to tell you. That you don't want none of this." She pointed at herself after telling the woman off.

"Now, I don't know what's wrong with your generation. But in my day. We would have tanned her hide." She took Ellie's arm and turned her around.

"Excuse me." I said to Alice and Esme. They took a few steps back.

"Now, please, Ms. Isabella. Don't make me have to break you in half." I growled under my breath as I jogged over to her door. Once I got there I tried to yank Ellie from her hand.

"I promise, If you _lay a hand _on her. I'm going to jail." The woman glared at me.

"Honey you don't scare me."

"I don't need to scare you. You old bitch. I just need you to let go of my daughter." I hadn't realized Edward had followed me until his hand was on my shoulder.

"Calm down." He whispered. He let go of me and he and Ms. Isabella had some kind of conversation before she released Ellie. Edward picked her up and carried her into our yard.

"You should be grateful that I have tact." I growled before turning on my heel and storming away. "Oh by the way. Thanks for the ride home."

"You should probably get out of here before you end up in jail, Bella." Esme chuckled slightly. I nodded and hugged her before jumping into the car.

I sat in the car with my arms folded over my chest, while Edward buckled Ellie in. He then came around the car and slid in next to me, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles. He then rolled down my window where Alice popped up.

"I woulda' punched her ass anyway, Bella." She leaned in and kissed my cheek before bidding Ellie and Edward goodbye. "See you in Portland!" She laughed before skipping towards Jasper and jumping in the car with him.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

I nodded, "I love you." He smiled and kissed my hand again.

"I love you too, Baby."

"_Ahem._" Ellie cleared her throat loudly behind us.

"You're in trouble." Edward said seriously.

"Man… hoes these days…" She said quietly. I laughed and Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

"Ellie. You _do not_ speak to anyone that way." I said firmly to counteract my laughing.

"What about Auntie Alice?"

"I don't care." I shrugged.

"Absolutely not." Edward and I spoke simultaneously.

"No one, not even, Alice." He growled. My hand tightened over Edwards and he looked at me, "What's wrong?"

"That _old woman_ was about to _hit_ Ellie! How are you not pissed about that?"

"Nice to know that you two are leaving on good terms." He said ignoring the question.

I rolled my eyes, "Ellie, are you buckled up?"

"Yeah, let's go." She said happily.

We stopped by a cupcake shop for Ellie and she ended up talking Edward into getting a dozen cupcakes.

"You are such pushover." I complained. "Yet you still won't take me to Starbucks."

"And you're sixty-two days clean. That's something to celebrate. Come on, if it were you I would get you cupcakes too." He pulled my closer by the waist and kissed my lips.

"No thanks," I pushed him away gently, "I'll just have one of Ellie's."

Once we got back on the road we didn't stop until we reached a quaint two story house, not far from the station where we were supposed to meet Emmett in about an hour.

"What's this?" I asked as Edward turned into the driveway.

"This, is our new home." It actually resembled our house back in Forks, except for the fact that it was two stories. It was absolutely gorgeous. My mouth dropped open and I looked to Edward.

"Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief, "What about my apartment?"

"I had Emmett deal with that once we decided to move to Portland. Is it okay?"

"I love it…" I said in awe as my eyes re-glued themselves to the house. Edward kissed my wrist before stepping out of the car

"I have to _pee_!"

"Okay, hold on," I quickly got out of the car and took Ellie into the new house and found a bathroom. While she was in there I looked around the two story house. There were four bedrooms, all empty but there. Once I came to the last bedroom, what I had assumed was the master bedroom, I walked in and saw roses on the bed spelling out two words.

_Marry Me_

I turned around ready to head out to the car, but Edward was in front of me on one knee, with a ring in his hand.

"Oh my god," I whispered.

"I told you I loved you and I meant it, and I mean it when I say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me, Isabella Swan?"

…JCE…

**Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!**

**If you haven't seen Breaking Dawn I suggest that you do. That shit is EPIC. It is **_**so**_** much better than every other Twi-movie. I am going to see it again as soon as possible. Bravo to you Bill Condon. Bravo. It was amazing.**

**Oh my god it was great.**

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	23. Sequel

Hey guys! I'm not sure if this could be considered a fake out… because this story is over with but I am sorry of you consider it as one. The sequel to Bella Swan: The June Cleaver Experience is up and it's called Bella Masen: The Epitome of Classy. Go check it out! It's rated M and has lemons and what not…

Also BIG thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter! We got sixty plus reviews after the stories completion.. They knocked me off my feet!

So take ya'lls supa-reviewa selfs on over to the sequel and tell us what you think!


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